You know how every once in a while, nothing is on TV, and you’re super bored, and maybe it’s a Friday night and you have no plans, and instead of doing something productive like reading you flip around on your remote and end up watching the Disney Channel? Yeah. Don’t deny.

There’s nothing wrong with a little mindless television for kids, but what happens when you find yourself inexplicably drawn to those fresh-faced young men chirping out that positive and life-affirming Disney dialogue? You feel weird and a little dirty — and then you go online and try to find pictures. Also, any info that would allow you to stop feeling like a pedophile: i.e birthdays before 1991.

Even though all of the nubile young things listed below have all surpassed their 18th year, I can’t help but feel just the slightest bit Creepy-Old-Man-On-The-Bus whenever I look at them. Oh well. What can I say? If there are shirtless pics of these hotties somewhere on the net, I’d look at them.

I might even download. Read More »

Put this under Things You Should Not Do If You Want To Remain A Happy Person: finding out what your ex is up to now.

To preface, I’m not talking about the person you dated for a month who you kind of cared about but never enough to commit and / or introduce him to your friends. If you want to look through that guy’s Facebook or Myspace, go ahead. Seeing him with his arms wrapped around another girl will probably do nothing but make you kind of glad you’re no longer seeing someone who thinks weird neck tattoos of skulls are cool.

But look, if you loved the dude (or chick), and it kind of ripped your heart out when things ended, do yourself a favor let them remain a mystery. Don’t try to find them on Facebook if you’re not already connected, unfriend them if you are, don’t ask mutual friends about who they’re dating, and for the love of god, DON’T GOOGLE THEM.

I am a naturally nosey person, but after The Big Ex and I split up years ago, I refused to seek out information on the girl he started dating a mere few weeks after our 4 year stint ended. I knew my friends had info, I could tell by their eyes whenever they tried to jump away from the subject, but I never pressed them. And when information was accidentally spilled to me, I made a conscious effort to change the subject and told people “I really don’t care to know”. It was hard, because I did care to know, but I knew that need for knowledge was coming from a macabre place in my brain that loved to torture the rest of me. Read More »

In this ep, Dina and Ali struggle with the dilemma of getting older (Ali feels the need to express maturity by exposing as mush flesh as possible, and Dina attempts to avoid the process all together). There is a scramble to finish Ali’s album after she strikes Jeremy’s involvement in the project. E-man comes back (who I, inexpicably and until now, thought was this guy ) resurrect Ali’s now incomplete LP. His new song is pretty damn good, and Ali sounds quite decent singing it.

Regardless of voice quality though, her clothing (and I state the following with the full knowledge that I sound like my Nana) is highly indecent. If Ali’s sole purpose this half hour was to expose as much flesh as possible, she beyond succeeded. I’m talking more copious amounts of mid-driff than usual people. In one scene she actually wears what I believe to be a short, Lycra unitard. After I stopped laughing at my use of the word unitard, I pondered how she manages not to suffocate her vagina.

All thoughts of Ali Lohan’s vajay aside, I snapped back to reality (television, that is) to see a Chris Crocker look alike stalking Dina at the gym. Turns out he’s a choreographer. After checking out his myspace page, DiLo calls him and for some reason feels the urge to say “Yes it’s really me,” and agrees to check out his moves at the Pearl. This is the beginning of what I believe to be a beautiful and staged relationship between a gay man and hetero woman. Read More »

[When CollegeCandy put out a request for a Secret Intern to write an Internship Diary, we got some truly cringe-inducing stories, but “Elisa’s” experience trumped all.

Currently, “Elisa” is interning for a big, flashy 5th Avenue designer. Sounds awesome, right? Well, read the second installment HERE, and then read on…]

I am now the Google master.

This past week I’ve literally spent 6 of the 8 hours I’m here “researching” for things that do not exist whatsoever. I understand that she’s trying out the whole green idea, but lady, let’s be reasonable here. Recycled clear vinyl bags? Uh… hello? CLEAR VINYL. I have no idea what kind of company makes shopping bags that are clear, and vinyl, and recycled.

I must have gone through hundreds of “eco-friendly” tote bag sites that have all been rejected because they are not clear. LET’S COMPROMISE HERE… FOR THE EARTH! Aside from researching for these vinyl bags, I also researched sample cups (which also had to be clear), and eco-friendly ice cream cups.

Yeah… eco- friendly my ass.
She needs to give that dream up. Read More »

A few months ago I woke up from a Salvia induced trip, naked in my living room, surrounded by crumpled newspaper. As the Thai Buddha, who had just a few minutes ago been telling me ‘not to let the planet overwhelm me,’ faded from view, I realized that in my stupor I had somehow managed to turn on 60 Minutes.

I usually don’t watch this show because in my opinion it embodies everything wrong about aging. It’s basically saying ‘being old and curmudgeon-y is part of aging, let’s be closed off to the world that’s different from what we remember,’ and also because Andy Rooney drinks baby’s blood and I can’t support that (could he clean his office?).

Anyways, on this episode, Morley Safer (calculating age based on name…estimated age: 200) did a piece on a group of people called Millennials. The piece was supposed to be about how these people (born in between 1980 and 1995? He’s talking about you) are ruffling feathers in the white collar work force with their crazy tattoos and pudding pops and “Pokemans.” Bosses are ‘terrified.’ Read More »

We all know that David Beckham is too. hot. for. words. And we wouldn’t turn down a romp in the sack with Brad Pitt, Will Smith or Jason Bateman. But, there is something to be said for the nerdy boys. They are sweet, smart and totally under-rated.

I have always held a soft-spot in my heart for the underdogs, and techy, nerdy boys are no exception. So, I am bringing to you the hottest nerds out there.

These boys give nerdery a verrry good name.

Read More »

After hearing about KY Brand’s new Yours & Mine couples lubricants, I was mildly intrigued. After seeing a few more ads in magazines and one semi-funny commercial, I decided to investigate via Google.

What I found was an intricately designed website that made this lube look like the kind that astronauts would use… if they found time to do the dirty while in orbit. Extra-curricular NASA activity aside, I decided I had to try it.

I went to my local Target, dragged my boyfriend to the pharmacy aisle and asked if he was game to test drive it. $18.09 (!!!) later, we were opening up our high tech pleasure pack.

The box reflects the same “couples only” mindset that all the other marketing for this product does, which I find pretty inconsiderate of any loyal single KY customers. Slogans for Yours + Mine include “The best thing to happen to sex since love” and “It takes two…To make magic. To make love.” KY makes no effort to sell this product to those engaging in casual play.

The lubes come in 1.5 oz test tubes (they’re a lot smaller than I thought they’d be, considering the price) that faintly glow in the dark. This unnecessary (but awesome) trait earns the product bonus points with me and boyfriend, as both of us are easily amused.

Boyfriend, a biology major, gets into the whole playing scientist scheme with the test tubes and obeys the box’s directions to use “Mine” (the pink one) on me, while I use “Yours” (blue) on him. Read More »

I hate to admit it, but I am an absolute internet junkie. Ever since we bought our first lovely P.C. when I was in fourth grade, my life has somehow revolved around using a mouse, keyboard and CPU to create everything from science projects to ezines to fantastically-written blog entries. And yes, I’m the friend who inevitably asks, “Can I use your laptop?” every single time I come over. I guess I’m sorta kinda addicted. (Hey, it’s better than cigarettes or booze!)

I thought that this addiction had led me to discover almost every little nugget of cool-ness the internet had to offer. I was officially convinced that I was pretty much the most tech-savvy girl on campus. However, until about a week ago, I was completely in the dark about one amazing aspect of the internet: the wonder that is iGoogle.

I know, I know, I sound like a hypocrite. A few months ago, I expressed my severe annoyance with Google. But discovering this crafty little tool made it almost impossible for me not to forgive the big ‘G’. Read More »

After weeks of anxious waiting and post office stalking I finally got the letter…the LARGE envelope letter — you all know what that means (drumroll please) Grad School Here I Come!!!

After dancing around my apartment building, calling everyone I knew, and startling various DC residents at the local CVS while buying celebratory chocolate–(yes to those of you who may have seen me, I wasn’t insane—just very very excited!), I finally calmed down enough to think through the logistics…

…and then the panic set in. Read More »