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Madge and Guy are officially done-zo…

…and so are Paris and Benji.

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Is Barrack bringing sexy back??

Remember that girl who claimed she was attacked for supporting McCain? Yeah, one BIG, FAT LIE.

Britney Spears hangs with the kiddies.

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Michael Jackson scares the crap out of us.

Al Gore put to work for the election.

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Guy Ritchie does what we all do after a breakup: gets his drink on.

Does Paris have a body image problem?

It’s effing FRIDAY, people. Time for some Beer Pong.

So, I really don’t care about what is going on with crazy cheeks Madonna and her soon-to-be ex husband, Guy Ritchie. But everywhere I turn there is news about these two. Any by “news” I mean “really embarassing stories.”

It seems like every hour either Madonna or Guy are coming out with a vicious and, oftentimes, scarring statement about the other.

Guy Ritchie, obviously hurt by his ex wife’s indescretions with A-Rod, has said that Madonna looks like a “granny on stage,” and that having sex with her was like, “hugging a piece of gristle.”

Madonna fired back by calling him “emotionally retarded,” and claiming Guy was “just after my money.”

Just another typical case of post breakup he said/she said.

It doesn’t matter if you are a celebrity or just a college girl scorned by her cheating boyfriend, breakups always cause the gloves to come off and the truth to come out. Especially the most embarassing and hurtful truths. Anyone who knows me knows all about my ex’s issues (”Yeah, cuz sex for 1.5 minutes is GREAT!”), and after my BFF’s particularly painful breakup, the entire campus knows about her ex’s farting issues during sex. Ew.

Anyways, breakups cause pain and pain causes people to resort to just about anything to make themselves feel better. Like talking sh*t. Which Guy and Madonna have mastered.

So I want to know: what are some of the crazier things that have come out after your big breakups? Leave your responses in the comments section below; we wanna know all the juicy deets.

Madonna’s secret recordings (no, they are not sex tapes!).

Forget the girl with her heart on her sleeve; wear your uterus on your undies?

Some men are really, really desperate.

Katie Perry eats it on national TV.

Now everyone can look like Heidi Klum. Well, sorta.

Joe the Plumber and Joe Six Pack chat it up.

The greatest college pranks…ever.

Columbia gets erotic.

Travis Barker is out of the hospital!

The most delicious iPhone.

Professor trading cards? It’s real!

Gorgeous but deadly?  University of Washington student Amanda Knox might soon stand trial for murder – all because her roommate refused to join her in a drug-fueled orgy.

Holy hottness!  Andy Roddick is giving naked tennis lessons for $15k!

Miley Cyrus is so lazy wealthy she can pay people to spoon feed her.

Bill Maher wraps himself in atheist arms and the Catholics aren’t happy about it.

David Beckham is so hot he can steam up the frozen food aisle.

Did Christie Brinkley’s disgusting ex-hubby film himself having sex with a 19-year-old?!

Call your cable guy! Juno genius Diablo Cody has written a dramedy for Showtime.

John McCain is computer illiterate, so if you wanna get in touch with him don’t send an email.

Ouch! Madonna thinks Guy Ritchie is emotionally retarded.

Denis Leary is following his own advice by staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid.

Is it just us or are these shoes seriously ugly?

Jack Nicholson might want to consider hitting the gym.

Maybe Madonna isn’t meant for marriage. Maybe Guy Ritchie got tired of people whispering behind his back that his wife was tougher than him. Maybe he was too English and her accent was too fake. Whatever the case, sources close to couple say that a divorce announcement is immanent, and will most likely be made like…any day now.

“They can’t bear to live with the pretense any longer,” claims “a friend” of the couple to The Sun newspaper. “[Madonna and Guy] can now barely bring themselves to say two words to each other.”

Besides the fact that if a “friend” of mine ever spilled my break-up rumors to a national paper I’d personally make sure they suffered, most of us saw this divorce coming. Sometimes opposites attract, sure, but it seemed pretty clear that Guy Richie just wanted to make Snatch remakes and stay chill while Madonna wanted to work out until she was strong enough to become cyborg-like and finish taking over the world.

I’m sure we’ll hear a song set to a techno beat that details all the tribulations, and see a movie about a sad-sack English bloke who lost his high-powered girl, later on this year.

Hottie of the Week
I can’t believe that I’m going to say this – but if you forget the infidelity and the fact that he probably gets his hair Japanese straightened, Mario Lopez has a smokin’ body.

Song of the week
Katy Perry, “I Kissed a Girl”.
I hate this song.

Freak Show
Verne Troyer/Mini-Me sex tape. Why don’t they just pour acid on our eyes?

Am I the only one who thinks that Jennifer Lopez would be absolutely frightening if you pissed her off even just a tiny bit? FYI, you may get the store discount if you ask nicely and don’t have your bodyguard show a gun to the shop girl. Read More »