The next time you want to drown your boy problems in a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s, you might want to read the nutritional info.

Newsweek recently uncovered the six most fattening ice cream flavors (Personal note: there wasn’t any real news to cover, Newsweek? Like the upcoming elections, the crumbling economy, or the War on Iraq?). Here are the results of the study, with my personal opinions on whether 6 hours at the gym is worth a scoop or two.

1.Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter: 360 calories, 24 grams of fat

This should really come as no surprise. Chocolate+Peanut Butter= guaranteed muffin top. But it’s sooo good! Still, 360 calories will take about half an hour of vigorous cardio on a CrossTrainer, and can you really trust yourself to stop at the teensy half-cup serving?

Fight this craving with: two frozen peanut butter cups.

2.Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby: 330 calories, 20 grams of fat

Umm, did anyone EXPECT fudge-covered, peanut-butter-filled pretzels, swirled in vanilla malt ice cream and rippled with even more fudge and peanut butter to be healthy??? Sure, Ben and Jerry might be a perfect rebound after you spied your ex at the bar with the dorm sleaze, but you won’t be able to fit into your skinny jeans after more than a bite or two.

Fight this craving with: a 100 calorie pack of Mr. Salty chocolate-covered pretzels. Read More »

It’s summer.

Translation: I’m not doing sh*t.

Actually, that’s a huge lie. Instead of lounging like I would like to be, I’m working my ass off at a menial job making minimum wage. Hours upon hours of filing, sitting in front of a super-slow, super-irritating computer and returning home to do the same (with the addition of the roommates watching endless Friends re-runs as background noise) has turned me into a bit of a mindless drone. I have felt myself becoming lazier, smellier, dumber and well, wider.

My gym shoes have collected dust by the front door, right next to at least three garbage bags full of Keystone cans, Bud Light bottles and the occasional box of Carlo. My once-amazing gym habits (3x a week, alternating between running and the elliptical) have become practically non-existent. I even have a sweet new workout mix created on my iPod, but this has still not motivated me to actually go exercise.

But, I figure that there is always a bright side to every situation. Since I can’t actually find the energy to drag myself halfway across town to the gym, I decided that I can bring the exercise to me. But, with little cash and little-to-no motivation, what can a girl do to stay in shape? Read More »

Let it be known that day three of the Master Cleanse really, really blows.

My day started off OK. I woke up in good spirits feeling ready to take on another day without food when I remembered that it was time for my massive morning dosage of salt water. The night before, I had premixed my oral enema and left it next to my bed in the hopes that I would then drink it immediately when I awoke and I would be so out of it that I wouldn’t fully realize what I was doing. And it worked. At least, a third of the way through it, it worked.

After that I was left to choke down the rest, and though it proved to be more effective than yesterday, I came to the conclusion that a belly full of salt water is no way to kick things off. Tomorrow I’ll be entrusting my a.m. colon purge to Chocolate Smooth Moves; because I’m already struggling to find reasons to wake up in the morning without that staring me in the face. Read More »

Dear Ladies,

Men here, as a collective. We thought we’d get together and write you guys some letters about a few things that we’ve been thinking about. Today’s letter is about us men being confused! Yes, smirk, and press your tongue against your canine (its hot).

We’re confused about what you lovely ladies are wearing in the gym. More specifically, why you’re looking so damn hot in up in that! To us, the gym is about a few things. It’s about working out, making loud grunting noises (FYI, makes you stronger), and sleeveless narcissism.

Or at least, that’s what we go there for. We aren’t specifically there to look at, or pick up, women. There’s an assumption that most of us aren’t going to look our best in there anyways, so we aren’t super concerned with finding ladies to woo. But hey, thats us, we’re dudes and we think a certain way. Beyond ‘the gym isn’t for dating’ we also have a few collective rules that we feel like you may or may not have given us.

1. Gawking is creepy
2. Sweaty dudes are creepy
3. Gawking, sweaty dudes are super-duper creepy.

So you could see our confusion when you ladies show up to do some leg lifts or swiss ball crunches in what basically adds up to a bikini with more support. We want to be clear, we like you in bikinis. Hell, we love you in those things. But when you wear those in the gym, and you’re being all active, you’re really creating a dangerous situation for us. Again, we’ve got focused, mostly one-track minds. Here’s a short list of things we cannot do at the same time. Read More »

While biking up an extraordinarily large and difficult hill in Spin class this morning (made even more difficult by the night of binge drinking that preceded it), I was startled out of my zone by a rather raucous shout of, “COME ON, BABY!” I wasn’t sure who was screaming, or who baby was, but I didn’t care; I lost my groove. I started feeling the pain in my legs, the burning in my quads, and my whole ride was off. But I kept going. And so did she.

“WOO”“LET’S DO THIS!”“PEDAL. DO IT DO IT DO IT.” It was quite clear that this loud and rather burly woman was screaming at herself - pushing herself – but, why? Was there something wrong with internal dialogue?? With all the adrenaline pumping through my body, I wanted to pull a Christopher Carter and knock that bitch off her bike. Read More »

I enjoy exercise. Jogging, cycling, badminton and even the odd hula hoop are my preferred method of bum-firming and serotonin. I also enjoy videogaming. A lot. And an increasing number of people of all ages are merging these two seemingly opposing interests and turning to the one media previously chastised be the media for nurturing a nation couch-potato children; they are turning to computer games.

The Nintendo Wii has revolutionised the way we play, entertain and now how we keep fit. Forget a pricey gym membership and soggy tracksuit bottoms as you jog through endless muddy puddles, the most convenient – and fashionable – way to get fit is to get Wii Fit. There has even been a blog set up by an enthusiastic gentleman, dedicated to discovering the possibilities of weight loss in conjunction with daily exercise from the comfort of his living room.

Upon its release in various countries, Wii Fit has sold out in record time, much to the frustration of those who are in desperate pursuit of a copy. Despite the slightly steep price tag, the supplied board and range of mini-games coupled with fitness routines and personalised health information have proved a winner with individuals you would normally never find in your local games store. Read More »

The other day a friend of mine counted the amount of times I used the word douche. The number was shockingly high, something like 20 times within a half an hour. This got me thinking….I was either very irrate about something and was on a ranting rampage, OR there are many types of doucheness. So, I thought I would break it down so you too can put to use this fantastic word.

Webster’s Definition of DOUCHE:
The true definition of douche is: a jet or current of water, sometimes with a dissolved medicating or cleansing agent, applied to a body part, organ, or cavity for medicinal or hygienic purposes. or; to use a douche or douches; undergo douching. Vaginal douches may consist of water, water mixed with vinegar, or even antiseptic chemicals.

Okay. FIRST OF ALL…Does that sound painful to anyone else? Have any of you actually tried this? I’d really like to know.

My Definition of a DOUCHE:
Here’s the thing, douche has its varieties and I’ll have to break them down for you.

RICH DOUCHE:
The rich douche usually will do something like order your meal for you at dinner while saying something patronizing about what color lipstick you’re wearing and how it clashes with your dress. Rich douches usually say snide things about poor douches and visa versa. He most likely has Daddy’s money or Daddy’s company, and has dated his fair share of waify blondes wearing pearls. The rich douche would never enjoy a divey pub or roll around in the grass with a Labrador, instead he’ll have a greyhound and think pubs are for Irish invalids. Take him to The Palm or he’ll just go hungry. Read More »

Please note that it has been almost a month since I signed up for my race. I haven’t been to the gym since that initial trip, although I was rejected from said gym when a new front desk worker didn’t even know there was a corporate gym in the building and I had left my ID at home. Instead of delving right into running, I started walking home whenever it was warm enough and I wasn’t heading to class directly from the office.

I’m failing miserably and I haven’t done anything yet.

The walking surprisingly has given me more energy, but I’ve realized that it’s not quite the same as a nice jog or run. Feeling a bit pathetic, I decided I needed to change my diet again and pretend I actually cared about eating healthy food. I traded actually running for giving up chocolate and other sweet snacky foods. I subside largely on vegetables, natural peanut butter, and whole grains. I’m not exactly a vegetarian, but for the most part I don’t really eat meat or seafood more than once or twice a month, so I’ve been trying to find healthy, creative ways to get my protein.

Natural peanut butter is my addiction, with avocados at a close second. They’re not at all the same but they’ve been a good way to get healthy fat. Also have been working on getting protein from beans, lentils, chickpeas, and the like, so I don’t make myself anemic. Read More »

On running, that is.

I’ve come to realize that while working a high stress job in the city that never sleeps, moments of pure “zen” are few and far between. I go to bed at night lulled by fire engine sirens and cars honking and then wake up to fight the crowds of people in order to smash myself into a sweaty subway car.

The only time I feel clarity and almost a sense of euphoria is while running. I know, that sounds virtually impossible to be peaceful while huffing and puffing on the treadmill, but it’s true.

Science has just proven that I’m not the only crazy one. Running literally gets you high…

According to a new study done by German researchers, running releases a flood of endorphins to the brain, resulting in mood changes. The more endorphins to the brain, the greater the effect. Read More »

To some, pickup lines are irritating, to others, they’re a welcome invitation, and to still others, they can even be insulting. Personally, while there is a slim likelihood of taking a guy seriously after he throws out a clichéd line, I do enjoy a good laugh from those that are unique.

Enter last weekend. While out on the town blissfully throwing back a few vodka sodas with my best wing-women, I was approached by what I could only assume was a potential suitor. The prospect excited me. Standing there all suave with his head cocked to one side, he said “Girl, you are solid steel and sex appeal.”

I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my drink (thank god for my cat-like reflexes, to waste my drink would have been a tragedy). While I appreciate notice to my “solid steel” physique and “sex appeal” (it is nice to know that my time at the gym and new bio-flex bra paid off) I laughed hysterically and he quickly fled the scene. Once fully able to compose myself, my gals and I commenced a reminiscent conversation of a few unusual pickup lines we have witnessed: Read More »