If any of the producers of What Not to Wear ever happen to read this article, please accept my personal cry for help and send me to Stacy and Clinton asap.

Though I can usually throw together something appropriate for work or special events, about half of my clothing inventory consists of utterly ridiculous garments. It doesn’t help that I’m sentimental and can’t discard my prom dresses five years later, or that I’m waiting for certain trends to come back (though I’m pretty sure sparkly, sleeveless, turtleneck sweaters were never in style to begin with). And it definitely doesn’t help that I went through a goth/punk phase that a small part of the “professional” me desperately wants to revert back to.

As we all get ready for back to school, many of us will rummage through our closets and get rid of last season’s most shameful shirts, skirts, dresses, and pants in order to make room in our tiny dorm closets for upcoming styles (that we will undoubtedly regret in 2009 or 2010).

Here are some of my particularly embarrassing items.

1. Drawstring Khakis

I think that any pants that don’t have a numerical size should be left alone. So, why I bought these “Size L” drawstring pants with floral embroidery at the bottom is beyond me. They don’t go with any shoes, the trim is tacky, and they are so baggy that they make my ass look like a misshaped Volvo. I used to wear them to lounge around, because a lack of a waist obviously equals comfort; however, I made the mistake of wearing them out of the house one extremely hungover day. In public. With friends. My friend turned to me and said, “If you ever wear those pants again, I will cut them off your body.” Point taken. Read More »

The time has come for someone to stand up and scream at the top of their lungs, “America, stop being disgusting and sexualizing 15-year-old girls!!” and I’m not afraid to be that someone. Because the media can longer be counted on to have a brain, because adult celebrity bloggers see it fit to go after girls who can’t even drive yet, and because we as a nation are still. fixated. with. high. school, the cloud of obsession seems to have blinded everyone to the fact that there is something inherently wrong with stalking little girls.

Because these ARE little girls we’re talking about. Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Taylor Momsen. When we’re not urging them to slather on the eyeliner and hike up their skirts, we’re glamorizing their world, turning high school into a multi-million dollar soap opera where everyone is scheming or talking like 30 Somethings or having sex with anything that purses it’s lips. For those of us who remember high school without the Hollywood Glasses, you’ll recall that no matter where you went, it was decidedly unglamorous. It was boring, sometimes lonely, a lot awkward, and stuffed to the brim with tests, feeble attempts to fit in, and college application essays.

Ask any mother today who isn’t on crack if she’d be happy with her 15-year-old having sex, and she’d blurt the word no faster than you could think it. When Ms. Cyrus’s cellphone is hacked into and her frighteningly-too-old half naked poses are stuffed onto the world wide web, we’re “horrified”. But when she walks around with a full face of makeup, hair extensions, high heels, and revealing clothing, she’s just being a “teen star”. The Lolita posing is too overtly sexual; while the “Disney Vamp” is just subtle enough to keep us from feeling guilty. Read More »

We’ve always gone nuts for celebrities.
Back in the day it was Shirley Temple, Judy Garlin, and Marilyn Monroe.

Rock stars came into vogue and screaming fans chased Elvis and fainted at Beatles concerts.

Jumping ahead to my youth, the teen pop sensations Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, and Britney Spears generated thousands of crushes and screaming fans. (Editor’s Note: Does it make me old to remember the New Kids on the Block insanity!?)

But now with the rise of superstar Miley Cyrus, we’ve entered a new level of celebrity idolization—one that has some worrying ramifications for our tween sisters. (The Olson twin fascination, in my opinion, is a bizarre isolated event along the lines of The Truman Show)

The Miley-hype has broken several barriers which I think are important to note:

1. Her youth
Although Hillary Duff set the stage for achieving tween stardom via a Disney channel show, Duff began at the age of 14 with 2.3 million viewers per episode while Miley Cyrus began at the age of 12 with 5.4 million viewers during the series premiere. Read More »

I’m always a step behind on the latest phone trend. By the time I got a rotary phone in my bedroom, everyone was already onto their cellphones, and by the time I made the jump to cellphones, everyone was already trading up for a flip phone. So it came as no surprise to me that when I finally got a camera phone, the iPhone had come out and BlackBerrys became more ubiquitous than see-through-white-dresses in the summertime.

But it wasn’t until this past summer living in New York City that I truly felt uncomfortable using my cell phone in public. The phone that I had once bragged about because it fit into my clutch was now making me feel as if I was using Zack Morris’s mega phone. People stared at me when I texted and expressed shock and awe that I still used only 9 keys to construct a sentence.

The look I got when I flipped my phone open the other day was the look I gave to my grandmother when she attempted to use her scanner to send an e-mail.

I can’t deny the jealousy. I admit that having the internet on your phone is insanely useful; whenever I’ve gotten lost somewhere, its a friend’s BlackBerry that got me home (not my phone’s tip calculator). And, sure, I’ve gotten frustrated when my T9 brutalized a word so badly that my text ended a friendship. I’ve eyed those keyboards and mouses and wished that my phone, too, could serve as a hand-held laptop. Read More »

Listen up, Lohan: leggings are NOT pants!

Happy Mother’s Day: finally, two dudes moms and daughters agree on

Biodegradable furniture would make spring cleaning much easier…

American Psycho meets Superbad–NSFW

30 Rock> The Office

Grabbing a cup of coffee ain’t what it used to be, girls

Maybe I should start watching Grey’s Anatomy again

We all saw this coming: Hugh Hefner wants Hannah Montana

When did Tyra Banks become Jerry Springer?

Senator Stoner (yep–real name!) bans marijuana candy

- CollegeCandy & TuitionBids.com $500 AMEX Gift Card Giveaway! -

If College Candy was to give you a $500 American Express Gift Card what would you buy?

Your parents might suggest that you put the money towards your education (tuition, books, food) or savings, but this is your money to blow on whatever you want!

You want to go to Paris for a night? Go to Paris! Thinking about getting a lower back tattoo? Go for it!

Below are 9 Things Your Parents Would Get Pissed About If You Spent $500 On. College Candy wants to know what should be #1 on the list. Leave your suggestion in the comment section below. The person that submits the best idea will receive a $500 AMEX gift card courtesy on TuitionBids.com - all submissions must be received by Friday, May 2nd at 12PM. Read More »

Let’s thank Hannah Montana for this one

OMG. THIS ELEPHANT. IS PAINTING. A SELF-PORTRAIT.

“The Hills” are alive…with legit life lessons

This just in: Paris Hilton wants to buy the world

Does this lawsuit match my bag?

You know, I’d rather sleep with Rob Lowe in his bed

Sometimes, you just crave some fried penis

Seriously, someone needs to take away their camera

Proof that Coldplay is really boring

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are powerhouses; media moguls, fashion icons, a paparazzi wet dream and the wet dreams of many men (before they got all skinny and Gremlin-esque, that is). And though their bank accounts may still be kicking ass, if they had to physically FIGHT for their fortune, would they be able to duke it out???

I mean, who would win in a fight? The Olsens, or another up-and-coming teen sensation? Let’s disscuss…

Round One
Raven Symone vs. The Olsen Twins
Uh, Rudy Huxtable may be a Disney star, but girl looks like she could take a man in a dark alley. She’s no joke and neither are her facial expressions. KO the Olsens are down. Read More »

There is a real crisis going on in America and it’s deeply effecting the children. No, I’m not talking about the War in Iraq, the nuclear problem in Iran or the skyrocketing price of oil. I am talking about the Hannah Montana Ticket Shortage of 2007. Sounds ridiculous, huh? Well maybe to people with some semblance of a life, but to thousands of soccer moms and Disney-conditioned / obsessed tweens, this is a serious dilema of gargantuan proportions and someone must be held accountable.

For those of you who haven’t a clue what I am talking about, here’s a little backstory:

Hannah Montana is a fictional character from the Disney show of the same name. Hannah, (played by Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter Miley) is a 14 year-old average teenager living a secret double life as a Teen Pop Sensation. The show has scored record ratings for the Disney Channel and is incredibly popular with the 5 to 12 demo. So naturally when Disney announced a nationwide Hannah Montana Live Tour (no, it’s not an ice show) demand for tickets spiked higher than that of a furry red homosexual tickle doll on Christmas Eve. Read More »