Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or some other holiday that not many people know about, you have undoubtedly received a gift that made you cringe, bite your lip to keep your mouth from saying something rude, or eyes water from the sheer ugliness factor.

While awesome presents are fun to receive, crappy presents are fun to talk about. So here, in no particular order, are three of the stupidest things I have received in recent memory.

* Box of Sparkly Body Spray – When I was 12, I freakin’ loved sparkly things. I would have killed for something like this in my teenybopper phase. However, once I turned, oh, say 22, I had pretty much left my gaudy taste behind. Too bad a long lost relative didn’t get the memo. When I opened this present—a set of three different kinds of pink, sparkly, heavily scented body sprays with Barbie heads as bottle stoppers—I was immediately mortified for everyone in the room. Either this relative was so out of touch with reality she thought Barbie was still something I enjoyed, or she had just totally and obviously re-gifted. Read More »

Every year, some of us are guilty of giving sh*tty presents. Maybe we forget a relative until the last second, maybe we really don’t like someone but feel obligated to buy something, or maybe we’re just selfish bastards who don’t like to spend money, but whatever the case, every year during this time, truly crappy gifts are wrapped and set under the tree or beside the menorah.

And then there are those of us who receive those crap gifts. Opening a package and instantly realizing A) this person doesn’t know us at all or B) this is the stupidest thing someone has ever wasted tape on is always a hard emotion to conceal, but because our mothers taught us to be polite, we do our best. We smile through the pain and secretly hope the receipt is still in the box.

Not quite sure if what you’re about to seal with a bow is a crap gift? Let CollegeCandy give you a few hints.

• Scented Candles: You’re not in junior high anymore, so this gift is no longer acceptable. Confused 12-year-old boys give the girls they think might be their girlfriends scented candles because they’re cheap and noncommittal. If you’re an adult, presenting someone with scented candles is the perfect way to start letting them know you don’t care.

• Clothes That Are Way Too Big: Look, when in doubt, buy a size smaller. No one likes opening a gift box and pulling out a sweater that looks like it could house a moose. Holding up a giant article of clothing not only makes us immediately feel fat, but decide everyone else thinks we’re fat too. Total. Depression. Read More »

If you’re anything like me, you have a brother (or two, or…god help you, three), and every year it’s pretty impossible to figure out what to get them for Hanukkah or Christmas. You slide subtle hints into IM conversations, use your parents for help, even flat out ask them “what the hell do you need??!”, but sometimes to The Bro is so illusive, you just want to slam some money down in front of him and shout get your own present!!

Coming in at a close second in the gift-giving challenge is the BF. Sure, you love him. Sure, he knows you better than most people. But finding a gift he’ll like because it’s cool, and not just because you’re his girlfriend? Tough.

In case you haven’t reached your breaking point yet (I know Hanukkah is almost over, but there’s still time!), I’m compiled a list of presents the Bro and the Beau might like. It’s always hard to tell with these strange specimens, but hey, even if they scrunch their face up again this year…at least you tried. Besides, they’re been giving you shit from The Body Shop for years. Teach them through example about branching out.

• Charles & Marie Dosh Wallet ($60) – compact, manly, and oh-so-full of special pockets, this wallet is a lot better than that ratty, duct-taped thing he’s been carrying around for years. It’s a little expensive, but just think of it as payback for that time you stuck gum in your Bro’s hair or ‘accidentally’ told your friends about the Beau’s bedroom ‘issues’.

• Dakine Plaid Backpack ($59.50) – it’s really hard to hate on a backpack, especially one that’s so nondescript and cool. Plus, he can carry his laptop and snowboard / skateboard around wherever he goes. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 106
Mood: Confused

“It’s cold outside, huh?”

Rebecca and I walked slowly down a carpeted corridor, our boots scratching softly on the grey rug. My cheeks stung from a wind that had moved completely into winter, stretching the skin too tight against my face.

“It’s freezing. Winter’s really here, I guess.” Rebecca kept talking, all the energy she had kept bottled up during our shopping trip pushing out and covering my silence.

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure I could say anything. By the time Rebecca stopped and knocked on a door covered in paper flowers, I was sure I had gone dumb with anxiety.

“Okay. Ready?” Rebecca cleared her throat, her mittened hands opening and closing.

Before I could answer, the door opened, almost as though the person on the other side had known we were coming, had been waiting. Sammy stood in front of us, small, thin, covered in a fuzzy blue blanket, the lamp on her desk throwing a lightness around her blond head. Even though it looked like she hadn’t slept in a while, there was no denying the cute, popular superstar she had once been.

Before it all. Read More »

Not sure what to get your boytoy for Christmas or Hanukkah this year? Why not get him the gift that (supposedly) keeps on giving—a life supply of pomegranate juice?

University of California scientists have gone a step further with the whole “pomegranate juice is totally healthy” theory. According to a study that tested “53 men with impotence problems”, the antioxidants in pomegranate juice (which “increase blood supply to the genitals”) helped nearly half of the study participants perform better in the bedroom.

Besides possibly helping dudes everywhere satisfy their mate in the bedroom, pomegranate juice has also “been associated with reducing the risk of heart disease and preventing prostate cancer.”

With all this great research behind it, why not buy some pomegranate juice for all the men in your life this year? (just block out whole better-than-Viagra part when it comes to your dad) It’s tasty, healthy, and has a festive red color, making it perfect for holiday stocking stuffers! Read More »

Sometimes you need a little something like the holidays to give you an excuse to really…excel in the bedroom.

For those of you who have never delved into the whole sex toy thing don’t be alarmed. While the entire concept may seem seedy, it doesn’t have to be!This Christmas (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa…) take the plunge into the world of adult toys. Don’t know where to start? Allow us to guide the way:

Boditalks - $69.00 (hehe…)

The slogan here is “getting off while you’re on”. And it’s simple. Boditalks is simply a vibrator that is activated by the use of your cell phone and it only turns off once the call is ended.

Do you know how useful this would have been when I was in a long distance relationship? For the college girls who are, you owe this to yourself!

Sex Night Planner - $12.00

Maybe vibrators are a little too much for you. Or maybe you don’t need one (lucky). In that case, make it fun and set up how you want things and when with a Sex Night Planner. Similar to Magnetic Poetry, this planner will tell your guys all the very important specifics of what you want.

I’m thinking this will go over well with the compulsive English major types, no? Read More »

I know what will be on my Hanukkah List this year: a few private sessions with Whitney, Lauren and Audrina’s trainer. Not that I find him attractive – I usually don’t go for beefy dudes in tight t-shirts who like to “cheers!” to everything.

No, I want to train with a guy who makes people go for a walk, do five jumping jacks, punch a little bit in the air, grab a few cocktails and end up looking like Whitney. Could her legs be more ridiculous?

Seriously, I don’t think this dude is a real trainer. I think he hangs out at the gym pretending to be one in order to lure hot girls into his giant beefy arms. And, clearly, it worked! He snagged one of L.A.’s hottest and managed to get a deal training some hot new music stars. Perhaps they - like me - saw Whitney and fell for his training charade.

I can also tell you what I don’t want for Hanukkah this year. And that is Spencer Pratt. First of all, that blonde haired/blue eyed freak could never pass for a Jew (and my papa wouldn’t approve). But second, and most important, Spencer makes me ill.

Not like “annoyed” ill. More like “I hate and judge a lot of people but you totally take the cake to the point that you make me lose my appetite for cake. Which is one of my favorite things” ill. Read More »