[Just to preface things, because I know some of you out there are probably gonna surmise as much, I am indeed 500 pounds, have never had a boyfriend, am missing one eyebrow, and am so intimidated by other people’s attractiveness that I cry myself to sleep every night atop of a pile of melting cookie dough.]

It’s no secret that here at CC, we love Entourage. HBO and Showtime never cease to entertain with shows like Dexter, Weeds, and True Blood, but for some reason, Entourage has always held a special place in our hearts (and no, it’s not just because of this).

Besides the witty and quippy writing, Entourage is almost always hilarious, last night’s episode being no exception (everyone trips on shrooms in the desert and Ari desperately calls Lloyd to get him through his ordeal). The characters are strange yet likeable, and the Hollywood “scene” has never been drawn quite so wackily. So yeah, we love the show. Love it enough to stay up late on a Sunday night or TiVo it to watch immediately after work.

But here’s the thing: there’s pretty much no way to feel good about your body once the credits roll. A show created, produced, directed, and mostly written by men, Entourage is bursting at the seams with “hot” women. I’ve been watching for 5 seasons, and I honestly can’t remember a time when a female character was anything less than absolute runway material.

Everyone has big boobs. Everyone is thin and tall enough to dunk a b. ball like Michael Jordan. It’s like the casting director opened up a Victoria’s Secret catalogue, pointed to every single girl in there, and made sure she got a spot on the show. Read More »

Well, the good part about this week is that banks all around the world did not explode, some kind of bailout plan was passed (though don’t ask us to decode it), Sarah Palin and Joe Biden managed to be civil and keep their mouths from f*ckng up at their debate (plus, a new favorite catch phrase was born!), Jeremy Piven’s hotness did not wane, weed suddenly became good for us, and we found out the identity of the REAL Joe Six Pack.

Let’s see, what else happened that wasn’t completely sh*tty…?

Oh, right. We let our inner Halloween bitterness out and felt much better for it, uncovered the horrible undertones to Allstate’s advertising campagin, and learned how to love and protect our awesome boobs.

Unfortunately, there were some not-so-great things that occured this week — and we’re not talking about our realization that we hadn’t blended our make-up one morning. Our birth control flipped the crap out, we realized our college dining halls were nothing compared to these, and the fun of Elementary School seems so, so far away.

Whether your glass is currently nice and half full or running on empty, take solace in the fact that the weekend has arrived to provide us cold beers, fresh-baked cookies, and HBO’s True Blood (What? You don’t watch this show?! Dude…find a way).

(In our first ever weekly installment of G.W.W.E [Guys We Want to Eff], we decided to tackle the possibly oily but strangely hot Jeremy Piven.

If you have an expensive cable package, you love him as Ari on Entourage, and if you’ve only got basic, you love him from the small to medium roles he’s played in tons of various movies that were not always good. Now, on with the GWWEeeing…)

Two Sundays ago, the Emmy’s were on. I don’t watch the Emmy’s because they’re boring and everyone is always thanking God — who probably doesn’t give a crap about your little gold statue when there are wars and famines going on all over the globe — but I happened to switch over to it during a commercial break from TLC’s Incredible Medical Mysteries (best show ever. TiVo it NOW).

The part of the snooze-fest I ended up catching was Jeremy Piven’s heartfelt acceptance speech for his 3rd Emmy for Entourage. And something just…happened. I was inexplicably drawn to his chiseled boyish middle-agedness. My insides got all hot and tingly. There was a need to see what he was rocking underneath that tux.

Maybe it was his fantabulous hair plugs. Or wig. Maybe it was his new cut bod. Maybe he went to a voodoo lady and found a potion to make girls almost 20 years his junior want to eff him. Whatever he did. It worked. I want to eff all 43 years of him. Read More »

So, three weeks later, I’m still recovering from the worst. surgery. of. my. LIFE.  I can walk and sleep without wanting to die, but sitting for long periods is hell on a few fractured ribs and one which only half-exists, so I’m still spending most of my time lying on my side, watching TV or reading.

I have been reading some great books, but I’ve also been watching some horrible television.  Seriously, people.  There are shows dedicated to moving walls with holes in them and the jumpsuit-clad morons who try to jump through.  There are shows that obviously employ monkeys to write their dialogue.  There are shows that are politically based and hours long and amount to nothing!  Even HBO and Showtime can’t save me, because besides a few great series, the movies they show during the day should never have been made in the first place.

But wait!  There is some salvation - in the form of lesser known networks and their even lesser(er?) known shows.  Shows that are fantastic but rarely seen by the normal person.  Let me use my time on the couch to your benefit and educate you on the Top 5 Shows You Don’t Know Exist But Are Awesome.

Anthony Bourdain, No Reservations (Travel Channel): We’ve featured Bourdain a few times on our site, mostly because he’s an OGIF  (Old Guy I’d Like To…).  But here’s the thing, his show is actually awesome.  Unlike a lot of TV cooks, Bourdain seems to fully understand what it is to apreciate all types of food, and is pretty fearless when it comes to A) traveling around the world and B) eating random things from random places.

Bourdain isn’t interested in comfortable hotels and beaches, he wants the raw and real experience of each place he visits.  Because of this, No Reservations tends to be less about weird food and more about the people of this world; how different we are, and how weirdly the same.  Bourdain’s narration is funny, deep, and often pretty badass…plus?  He can’t stand Rachel Ray. Obviously, the guy knows what’s what in this world. Read More »

Sundays haven’t been the most exciting for TV watchers this summer. When it comes to evening shows, we had the choice of “Parental Control” on MTV or reruns of Law and Order (Criminal Intent, SVU and the classic) on every other network. But not anymore.

TV is coming back with a bang tonight. Not only is there an extra episode of “The Hills” delighting LC-obsessed girls worldwide, but we also have the VMAs, and, of course, the return of Entourage!

I. can’t. wait. It has been waaay too long since the last time I got to follow the life of Vinny Chase and the rest of the boys of L.A. So long, in fact, that I haven’t even been having my usual “steamy night with Vincent Chase” dreams. And I miss those.

The truth is, though, that Vincent isn’t even the only one worth fantasizing about. Every guy on the show – including Turtle - is well worth a roll in the sack: Read More »

Daniel Radcliffe …for some reason… would love to play a drag queen

Freud was right. We’re all gross.

Nothing says “save my career” like playing a stalker

What they don’t tell you on TV about losing weight

Dora “the Hoochie” Explorer

My Fall Resolution is to find a hat that doesn’t make my face look stupid

How NOT to get laid

These Mamas make hardcore ciz-ash

Who’s got the better mullet?

Are you ready for some “deep” Vampires?

Treat that sex addiction

Our dreams have come true: Josh Hartnett has a sex tape.

For those of you who follow any of my entries on here, if you know anything about me, you know this one thing: I like sex. I like it a lot and I have made the argument on here, multiple times, that a lady can still be a lady and have sex whenever SHE wants…including the first date.

But I did something this past weekend that I haven’t done in five years: I did NOT have sex when I wanted to, and could have.

A man who I’ve had a flirtatious relationship with for the last 10 months has recently been coming on more strongly. He’s been asking me out on ‘official’ dates and telling me how it drives him nuts that I hook up with other guys but I have never attempted to even touch him. (And I laughed some sort of maniacal laugh in my head at that one…I loved finding out that I was driving him crazy with desire. I’m real sick like that.)

We made some plans for Saturday night and I blew them off. I was busy with my writing and had no desire to leave my neighborhood. I kindly let him know that he was welcome to meet me in my neighborhood, but that I was on too much of an artistic kick to travel. (He’s an artist, so I didn’t expect this to be weird for him to hear at all). And apparently, it wasn’t weird for him, because he got in a car and drove over. Read More »

The shoes! The hair! The clothes! (and did I mention the shoes?)

Obviously the fashion/hair/bags of the Sex and The City movie were more than noteworthy (I am still drooling over those royal blue Manolo’s). But more blogworthy?

The fashion (or lack thereof) of SATC moviegoers all weekend long.

From the metallic pumps to the teased out hair (yes apparently, some girls still do that) Girls, and a few boys, armed with their favorite girls and favorite bag were decked out in their Carrie Bradshaw best. Girls waited in line for four hours, in four inch stilletto’s (my feet hurt just thinking about it) for the long awaited glimpse of their favorite HBO gal pals.

Now don’t get me wrong, I too wish my closet was outfitted with Carrie’s Louboutins or Charlotte’s Chanel collection– but on a hot, humid Saturday afternoon- answer me this: Why are you wearing a black minidress, red lipstick and clip-in hair extensions to sit in a cold dark theater? Read More »