About a month ago, a bright and shiny new Pinkberry shop opened up on St. Mark’s, a Hipstered-out street that’s only a few blocks from where I work. The first time I tried the mystery confection, I wasn’t sold. It kinda tastes like cold yogurt, I thought. Cold yogurt…but not.

But the second time, after eating an entire medium cup filled with the “original” flavor (don’t call it vanilla, they get oddly pissed) and a few scoops of fruit, I thought, it kinda tastes like cold yogurt. Cold yogurt…but better!

Since then, I’ve been a regular customer at this low fat, low calorie chain. So regular, in fact, that I actually felt sad when the New York Times recently confirmed my suspicious that things which seem too good to be true — are.

Seems that even though Pinkberry totes itself as all natural, it really, really isn’t.

“The list [of ingrediants] includes at least five additives defined by the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization as emulsifiers (propylene glycol esters, lactoglycerides, sodium acid pyrophosphate, mono- and diglycerides); four acidifiers (magnesium oxide, calcium fumarate, citric acid, sodium citrate); tocopherol, a natural preservative; and two ingredients — starch and maltodextrin — that were characterized as fillers by Dr. Gary A. Reineccius, a professor in the department of food science and nutrition at the University of Minnesota and an expert in food additives.”

Damn you, Pinkberry! Damn you for letting me think I was eating a natural, low calorie snack when what I was really doing was stuffing myself with low calorie chemicals that will most likely cause my liver to shrivel and heart to explode in like 8 years.

Why didn’t you just stay in LA?!

I have a friend who thinks that every Craigslist Missed Connection was written for her.

Seriously. It would say, “You: Blonde with eyes. Me: Guy on the train who was looking at you. Did we connect?” And she would stretch her arms and yawn and tell me, “I saw myself in Missed Connections today. Did you?”

The truth is, I have seen myself in Missed Connections. Once. But I didn’t respond. I do have a boyfriend, after all.

So why am I looking at Missed Connections in the first place?

BECAUSE I CAN’T STOP.

Take, for instance, the case of a random m4f in Chelsea: Read More »

I’ll admit it right here, right now: I’ve always been a total sucker for the “artsy” guy. Now that I’m venturing into single early twenties territory, I’m sorta wishing Kurt Cobain hadn’t been my love interest when I was younger.

If I could have just had a super crush on a lawyer…or even a football player…maybe everything would be more normal in my love life.

Maybe I wouldn’t find myself waking up on an air mattress in a loft in Williamsburg… pinching myself and then repeating over and over, “He’s an ARTIST, Elizabeth…he’s an ARTIST.”

But I’m an artist, too. Hell, all I do is write everything from books to songs all day. I even paint. And take pictures. And I dance. And I do mosaic. AND I sleep on a REAL bed in a real apartment that has heat and cable and plants that aren’t dead.

And so I sit on the train pondering this question. With every hipster/artsy looking boy I see, I wonder if he too sleeps on an air mattress. Is this a prerequisite for being cool?

Certainly, my artist lovers past….which would be…ugh…all of my lovers past…didn’t all sleep on air mattresses. In fact, I can only think of one other.

And then I realized: Read More »

I’ve heard it a million too many times: “Wear makeup so that it doesn’t LOOK like you’re wearing makeup!”

Too often, the advice is being given but no one is hanging around to do the instructing. Painting your face (and yes, I will stoop to this level) so that it looks natural is actually quite an artistic gift that one needs to work long and hard at honing.

It requires actually understanding the difference between your real lip color and candy apple red. It requires putting your purple eye shadow in detention until that glamorous-hipster-weekend party rolls along. (Or not so glamorous groupie rock show…either or). But if you can bear to face your day without these neon signs that scream “She might be UGLY under all of this!“, you’ll succeed in not only looking hotter than you actually do when you wake up, but also in fooling a whole lot of people that you’re ridiculously naturally gorgeous.

So here are some tips I’ve got for you. I do not bring them to you in vain. These tips have collected themselves in the beauty corner of my brain only after numerous glitter spills and eyeliner smears.

1. Mascara. You’ll need it. But lets keep it real, shall we? Your eyelashes aren’t blue. G et a color that makes sense for your natural complexion. If you’re one of those born blonde babes, try a light brown.

2. Concealer. Sometimes you simply have some stuff you wanna…ugh….CONCEAL. Dark circles. Pimples. Yeah, they’re the “real you”, but who needs to know? Try dabbing the makeup around the area you’re covering instead of wiping it in. Making sure you cover the area under your eyes can really lift them and make you seem way more awake than you probably are. Read More »

When it comes to Christmas presents its easy to forget man’s best friend. I mean, who’s there for you after a long day’s work? Who will cuddle with you during those long, lonely nights? Who will offer up kisses when nobody else will?

It’s unconditional love!

So, in addition to bones, treats, and snacks for your little pup, you could always splurge on an outfit for your mutt! Perfect, right?

In theory, sure. Maybe you have a little dog who needs the extra layers when it’s January and -25 degrees outside. Maybe you throw doggie boots on him when it’s icy (or you live in a city where the sidewalks may tear up your puppy’s feet).

But you know what I do have a problem with?

Hipster dog outfits.

Since when does a dog need clothing from American Apparel? Read More »

You didn’t think we’d forgotten about Zac, did you?

We certainly didn’t. And with the big news of HSM3 hitting the Disney-fied airwaves in the near future, we just had to point out a few things:

As it stands, it seems like there’s a whole bunch of girls out there who are holding out for Mr. Efron, and while we shouldn’t judge these feelings some of you are harboring for the guy, we can giggle a little bit when we see him in outfits like these.

And also, he’s a guy known for starring in musicals. Not promising, ladies.

Nonetheless, until Zac decides where he stands personally, we al know where he stands professionally. His cash-cow High School Music is officially in production and Zac and his Hollywood Hipster-Gone-Soft self is pumped! Read More »

I’ve talked about American Apparel before. Those ads that look like porn with bad lighting? Those models who may or may not be underage but who are definitely bored and affected?Well, it gets better.

A contributor for Jezebel (one of the funniest gossip sites out there) recently wrote about her experience working at the enigma that is A. Apparel, proving that it’s not just their ads that are pretensions and strange.

“I thought cocaine was kind of scandalous when I started working at American Apparel. And so I naturally found it kind of scandalous that a major coke dealer actually served as a kind of informal HR chief for many of the American Apparel stores in New York.” The Jezebel story begins, going on to explain about the monstrosity that is Dov Charney—the Canadian founder of A.A. Read More »

American Apparel makes me f*cking nauseous.

Actually, let me restate that. American Apparel’s ads make me f*cking nauseous.

Their clothes are fine—if you enjoy looking like every other “non conformist” out there—but their ads are so annoying I feel the need to scream at everyone involved in making them.

It’s no news that AA enjoys exploiting the tired, probably drugged, dead-eyed look of the ubiqutious New York Hipster, but I just can’t understand how skinny, messy haired models photographed in bad lighting is supposed to make me want to buy clothes.

I guess if I was as desperate as them to be cool, saw a bunch of sluggish girls wearing one-piece bodysuits, and thought to myself, “Wearing an American Apparel bodysuit will make me so cool I’ll be bored!” I’d be likely to buy a brightly hued shirt or two.

But other than having no sense of self, I can’t understand why jaded models who look like they’re 12 would influence me to purchase anything—let alone a pair of silver lamé work-out shorts. Read More »