Living in New York City is great. And I mean that. I’ve been here for the last six or seven years, and before that I lived in nearby Long Island (with frequent visits into Brooklyn, Queens, the Bronx, and Staten Island to visit my family, and sometimes Manhattan to take in a show or go to a museum).

The problem is not living in New York City. The problem is living in New York City AND being a girl.

For some reason, this is THE city of catcalls and bad pick-up lines. It doesn’t matter what you look like, who you are–if you have (or even might have) a hooha, you’re gonna be harassed.

So now, for your reading pleasure, I’d like to present you with a scene from last night in My Life As A Girl In NYC.

This is verbatim. I kid you not.

Enjoy.

(10pm Thursday night. After four hours of tech rehearsal at a local theater, SARA, 23, heads up to Union Square, where she sits down on the steps to wait for her BOYFRIEND, 26.

To Sara’s left sit two HIPSTERS. Sara casually witnesses a seemingly NEW JERSEY GUY in a douchey leather jacket ask them for a cigarette.

Sara goes back to waiting. But something is wrong. Sensing this, she turns around to find Jersey Guy and his two JERSEY FRIENDS staring at her. And Jersey Guy is pointing right at her. Sara quickly turns back around.

But it’s too late. Jersey Guy approaches, unlit cigarette in hand.)

JERSEY GUY: I just wanted to say thanks for looking all pretty. Read More »

It’s the final sign that the Apocalypse is here–Winehouse and Doherty

I tend to only date guys with a nice set of Moobs

Happy Bea-Day, Bea Arthur!

Jane Doe rape kits are officially on the books

Man’s Best Friend is really looking out for you

Most days, I wish I went to Harvard.

I am so over hipsters–and now N.E.R.D.

One day, I hope to be pretty like Chase Crawford

Yay, another installment of Why I’ll Never Date Spencer Pratt

How is The Real Word even relevant anymore?

Blood Tree - Mary Timony. Everybody dates a jerk or two. Rock stars, however, get to humiliate them publicly. Mary uses this song to recite the many ills of her ex. There are, of course, the usual problems - too many drugs, hitting on other girls, lame friends - but nothing compares to the kicker: a topless picture of his ex, which he showed her, for reasons known only to himself. Consider the fact that Timony has confirmed that this incident actually occurred. Then consider the fact that even the best of us hook a few freak shows. Then feel better. Then dump your guy.

Sheela-na-Gig - PJ Harvey. PJ tries to make sexy time with her gentleman caller. He turns her down flat. This leads to the most glorious song in the history of angry lady rock. Anyone who can work “dirty pillows,” “childbearing hips” and South Pacific into a single lyric deserves some kind of lifetime achievement award. Also, a boyfriend who will put out. Read More »

You know, I kind of like Mr. and Mrs. Mariah Carey

Before you blow $80 on a bra, Mr. Big has something to say

Every Simpsons couch gag. Ever.

I. Hate. Hipsters.

We live in a world that has created kitty tanning beds

Maxim says Ashley is 47th hottest woman, but what about Mary-Kate? Oh, nevermind…

Heath Ledger Joker dolls are big-sell, but what about Cher Barbie?

Who keeps encouraging Lindsay Lohan’s music career?!

Oh, maybe it’s the award-winning Mama Lohan

50 greatest commercial parodies/highlights from SNL

I am feeling sick. Hungover sick. The sad part? I only had two beers and a shot last night. I shouldn’t be feeling like this. But I am.

I spent all day yesterday looking forward to midnight. I got all dolled up and went downtown to a show–which was so pretentious buzz indie rock that I was suffocating soberly in a room filled with drunken hipsters. At midnight, some gentleman friends of mine took me to a bar for a drink.

A cold, fizzy beer thrilled my lips more than any part of any male has probably ever done. I finished the beer and it was time to move on to another bar down the street. And everyone there was SO HIP. No, I don’t mean to sound like a sarcastic b*tch, but I just loathe walking into any place where people stare me down because they’re trying to figure out WHO I am. It’s so L.A. and I wish that kind of stuff would just stay in L.A.

After waiting for the bartender to attend to my off the wagon needs for twenty minutes…I was really starting to wonder what all of the fuss was about. All of that ridiculous waiting while the sad looking hippie girl, who undoubtedly thought she was the one who invented dangling earrings, was elbowing me in the boob…it all seemed a little silly for a simple PBR. Read More »

Heads up, everyone: it’s cool to like Diablo Cody again.

Diablo has, of late, been suffering from Hipster Appreciation Syndrome, the phenomenon whereby pretentious idiots with great hair systematically value or devalue everything in proportion to its popularity.

For those unfamiliar with the process, it goes as follows:

1. Cool people like something.

2. So uncool people like the same thing.

3. So cool people hate that thing.

4. So uncool people hate the same thing.

5. So cool people like it again.

This is the reason why you will occasionally stumble into a crowd of hard-ass punks discussing, with great enthusiasm, the musical genius of Rod Stewart. Rod Stewart is like the hipster holy land. Ain’t no-one going to get behind that cover of “Downtown Train” unless they’ve been thoroughly indoctrinated.

Anyway, in Diablo Cody’s case, the process began with a whole lot of people liking her movie “Juno,” peaked with an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay, twisted into a slew of anti-Diablo blog posts and parodies, and peaked once more with a sketch on Saturday Night Live, in which Ellen Page (who is still sort of hip for now) must renounce Cody, in the form of a dragged-up Andy Samberg who only speaks in puns. Read More »

I’ve talked about American Apparel before. Those ads that look like porn with bad lighting? Those models who may or may not be underage but who are definitely bored and affected?Well, it gets better.

A contributor for Jezebel (one of the funniest gossip sites out there) recently wrote about her experience working at the enigma that is A. Apparel, proving that it’s not just their ads that are pretensions and strange.

“I thought cocaine was kind of scandalous when I started working at American Apparel. And so I naturally found it kind of scandalous that a major coke dealer actually served as a kind of informal HR chief for many of the American Apparel stores in New York.” The Jezebel story begins, going on to explain about the monstrosity that is Dov Charney—the Canadian founder of A.A. Read More »

Matt Pond PA: Sunlight

From the album Last Light. Buy it here.

hip·ster1 [hip-ster] –noun Slang.

1. a particular breed of middle to upper class 20 some things that tend to inhabit surrounding neighborhoods of urban areas. The hipster generally has money, yet shuns conventional materialism. They try to appear starving, broken, and angry, yet have the comfort of living in $2000 lofts. Trust funds are a common commodity among hipsters.

The goal of the hipster is to look ironic.

The hipster handbook defines the hipster as “One who possesses tastes, social attitudes, and opinions deemed cool by the cool. (Note: it is no longer recommended that one use the term “cool”: a Hipster would instead say “deck.”)

The Hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them and shuns or reduces to kitch anything held dear by the mainstream. A Hipster ideally possesses no more than 2% body fat.”

It becomes a difficult task to then differentiate between those who actually cannot eat, shower, or afford clothes. The hipster’s style aesthetic is influenced by the homeless. The hairstyles worn by the hipster is generally ragged, dirty, and has the appearance of a lack of care though often hours of care is put into the upkeep of said look.

In areas such as Williamsburg is generally safe to assume that anyone possessing this look is indeed a hipster.

Clutching their Ipods and sipping PBR, the hipster has taken over areas that were once affordable and turned them into a hipster oasis prompting stores such as Brooklyn Industries and American Apparel to move into these neighborhoods.

In main urban areas, like Manhattan, it becomes difficult to distinguish between “homeless” and “hipster.” Unkept hair, dirty clothes, a general disdain for life in general? Homeless or hipster? You decide!

Test your skills with these nifty photos so you don’t give spare change to someone with a trust fund. Play the game after the jump: Read More »

• Men tend to enjoy breasts. And according to the (female) author…we shouldn’t blame them (or show them). (Yahoo!)

• What if Apple never existed? What would hipsters identify themselves by (technologically speaking, of course)? (Yahoo!)

• Blast From the Past: On her 2006 tour, Amy Winehouse needed beer, wine, vodka, pizza…and sober roadies (to carry her to bed). (Smoking Gun)

• All I can picture is a team of high school football players high fiving the kid involved in this. Also, this. (Idahostatesman.com)

• Wait, so this weed was found underwater and it’s still worth over a million dollars? Lucky fisherman. (citizen.co.za)