With a hectic schedule of classes, papers, exams, and keg parties, it can be easy to let your dorm room look like a dumpster threw up in it. Besides allowing notecards and empty beer cans pile up, it’s a damn pain in the ass to cart your shizz to the laundry room and spend some precious change that could be valuable on Quarter Drafts night at the campus bar. Then there’s the process of remaking your bunkbed.

However, neglecting your sheets for too long can result in some icky, unwanted guests– and I don’t mean the one-night mistake you made last Saturday. Here are the five nastiest things that should inspire you to grab the Tide and make a date with the washing machine.

1. Bed Bugs

Reports of bed bugs are rising on college campuses and even if you’re particularly clean, you may not be safe. The little bastards can catch a ride to your room on luggage, clothing, and old furniture (e.g. your hand-me-down futon). Plus, they can live up to a year without a feeding, so they could have been hiding out in your empty dorm room for the whole summer just waiting for you to move in and unpack. Luckily, pest control on college campuses is prepared to snuff the buggers via steam, extreme heat, or pesticides. If you wake up with little red welts from bedbug bites report it immediately before the infestation spreads down the hall.

2. Your Personal Sheddings

When we hit the sack every night, we shed dry, dead skin and hair. Gross. I gag at the site of a hair-clogged shower drain, and sleeping with hairballs seems just as unappealing. Girls with long hair shed a lot, so there’s also the chance that you’ve left your mark in your man’s bed as well. Of course, dead skin and strands of hair are a breeding ground for microorganisms, so bacteria can escalate after just a few nights of shedding in your sleep. Read More »

Listen up incoming freshmen: in a few weeks, you’re going to find yourself on a huge college campus full of more hook-up potential than you could ever dream. In the next few years, some of you will have long-term relationships, while many of you will engage in short-term hook-ups.

There are several types of college relationships that have an urban legend-esque feel to them: the sexy school girl and the married professor, the sexy school girl and the teaching assistant, and, of course, the sexy school girl and the resident assistant.

I have never hooked up with one of my RAs, but that’s because I’ve only ever had female RA’s. Still, I know plenty of people who have dabbled in these waters. I’m not here to condone or condemn the practice, because I’ve certainly had my fair share of regrettable trysts, but I am here to lay out some of the baggage that comes with such a hook up.

First of all, consider the fact that even inter-floor mating can lead to year-long awkwardness. If you fear the inevitable walk of shame, imagine the anxiety that comes with the chance that one of your floormates sees you leaving the RA’s room in last night’s bar clothes. Even if you survive the W.O.S, you risk the rumors and reputation — people are more apt to label someone “the girl that banged the RA” than “the chick who nailed whatshisname in 5B.” Even worse, if you can’t handle the tension of a chance meeting on the elevator (or on the way to the showers), you are biting off more than you can chew with by shacking up with your RA.

Your RA is someone you will probably have to turn to throughout the year. He’ll be the one to let you into your room when you are locked out wearing only a towel. This means he also has the master key to your room (not implying anything, just saying). He’s also someone who will have to keep tabs on you throughout the year. He’ll be writing you up for dorm parties, open containers, and that hole in your wall that you forgot to fix before move-out day. This fact alone can open up a brand new can of worms in Relationship Land. Read More »

Growing up I was the fat girl. I had a killer personality, but no one wanted to see me in a bathing suit, let alone in the buff. It wasn’t until much later than the rest of my friends that I had my first anything: kiss, date, boy who liked me as more than the girl who made him laugh in Social Studies.

Needless to say, when I finally did come into my own and learned how to make out with boys at parties, I went sorta…well, nuts. I was lengths behind my friends and felt the need to catch up.

“Oh, you hooked up with 10 boys since your first kiss at 11? Fine! I’ll hook up with ten this weekend!”

It was fun and exciting and I was finally able to take part in all the story telling with my friends. Every night was an opportunity for me to find another story to share, so I took any and every guy that came my way. Sure, it was probably not the best idea, but I was young and free and making up for lost time.

And the stories were well worth it. Read More »

I am an expert in awkward situations. When I first meet people, more often than not, I leave a horrible first impression. I am similarly awkward in my attempts to be a part of the dating scene.

Just last week, a coworker exclaimed, “Kathryn, you have no game. Your entire approach is off!” Yes, this is true. But somehow, I still get some action, which is why she followed her (rather harsh) declaration with the question, “How do you do it?”

Still, no matter how many times I’ve immediately wished I could retract the bizarre statement that just came out of my mouth, I’ve also been with, or had friends who have been with, equally hopeless guys.

Reviewing my own traumatic events, as well as some of my friends’ bizarre sexual encounters, I’ve compiled a list of some of the worst things to say during sex. Because I’m a woman, they are written from a female perspective, but each of these can be just as cringe-worthy coming from a guy.

1. “Ohhhh, Michael… I mean… Dan?”
Make sure you know the name of the person you’re inviting past the pearly gates. Calling someone by another name will at once crush your partner’s ego and make you look sleazy. Once, I was hooking up with a guy and he proceeded to pour out his feelings for another girl… and try to get my advice on how to go about courting her. That really sucked, and he was pissed when I cut our session short. Read More »

If my life was a movie, I’d look jaw-dropping-hot in a little black dress, and every college hook-up would involve a Freddie Prinze, Jr. lookalike leaning in for a kiss, while Six Pence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me” plays in the background. But, since my life is not She’s All That, my spit-swapping stories involve a lot of liquor, and a lot of regrets. There’s a Now! That’s What I Call Music CD out there with Aaron Carter’s “Aaron’s Party (Come Get It)” on the track listing. I know this because it made up the soundtrack of a one night stand a few years ago. Yeah, that’s how my sex life goes down.

Life doesn’t come equipped with an orchestra. If your sexcapades, like your iTunes, are on shuffle, here are a few songs you probably don’t want on your playlist.

1. “Dat Baby”–Shawty Putt feat. Lil Jon

With a chorus of “Dat baby don’t look like me,” and an opening line, “Dat baby ain’t mine… I’m sorry, bitch you heard Maury,” this jam is an instant libido-killer. The last thing a guy wants to hear as he’s sliding into home base is “You are NOT the father!” Sure, you’re using protection, but condoms aren’t 100% effective…paternity tests, on the other hand, don’t lie. Besides, no woman wants to find out that her cute college hookup won’t take responsibility if an accident does happen. Read More »

So, last weekend after the utter embarassment of stuffing my thighs and stomach into a pair of too-small boxer shorts, I looked back on the situation and had to laugh. Like, ROFL, laugh. (Ew, did I just use that lingo? I feel like I’m 12.)

Yes, it made me feel a little hefty next to my Manorexic friend, but that sh*t was funny. And it is only one of many mortifying hook-up stories. Let’s be honest - two drunk and horny people heading home to a dark bedroom is a total recipe for embarassment and hilarity. And it seems I am not alone in this one. This week we asked our writers to contribute their most humiliating hook up stories. These will totally make you LOL.

Elizabeth – Baruch College: I once awoke with a boy (having not remembered how he got to my bed) only for him to tell me: “You’re bleeding everywhere.” Thinking I had gotten my period, I was like, “Oh god, sorry, dude.” But to my surprise, it was my back that was bleeding. During our rampaging sex, apparently, I had fallen onto my computer plug and it impaled my back. I still have the scar. Fact.

Blair - Gettysburg College: My sophomore year me and my boyfriend got. it. on. and then passed out naked on the couch. We woke up awhile later when his roommate and friends came back late-night (with pizza!) and found us in the buff.

Kate Bean: Up until the age of… well… last weekend, I had thought queefing was just a normal side effect of great sex. In the past, guys acknowledge this sex toot with a little chuckle or nod of the head. APPARENTLY not all guys are so familiar with the experience; I actually had a guy glare at me. GLARE! Little did he know, my vagina was glaring right back at him in disappointment. Read More »

Nice guys think they finish last. Assholes think they finish first. As Dane Cook would put it, “What about the whole middle ground here where YOU’RE AN IDIOT!?”

There’s more to it than good guys and bad guys. I’m sick of hearing nice guys complain that so many of us girls choose to date jerks. Screw that. It’s just that the nice guys, the REALLY nice ones, are disguised. “Nice Guys” are the ones hovering over your desk at work, telling you:

“You know, I’M A NICE GUY, but you girls only like dirtballs.” Read More »

I have this friend and we call him Douche. I’m not exactly sure where the nickname came from. Nothing about Douche is particularly douche-y, except for the fact that the kid can’t seem to hold his liquor (or a coherent conversation after a few drinks). But he is a fun drunk. He’s adventurous, charismatic and oddly charming …even when he is tripping over his own feet and breaking furniture on semi-accident.

I have never found him particularly attractive, but he does have this strange quality about him that makes me feel super comfortable. Besides his occasional drunken sexual advances, he mostly treats me like a little sister (and this includes body slamming me into couches, stealing my cigarettes and calling me affectionate names like “Bitch” and “Asshole”).

Basically, I am completely not attracted to him in a sexual and/or romantic way. But that all changed Friday night when I walked into a mutual friends place to see one of my girls sitting – where else? – on drunken Douche’s lap. Read More »

For better or for worse, beer is a staple of the modern American college student’s life. From the keg stand to the can’t-hardly-stand, it’s a welcome guest at most every house party and tailgate.

This fact has given beer somewhat of a bad rap. That is to say, many consider it to be the non-thinking man’s beverage of choice, and, more ominously, the instrument responsible for waking up next to the toilet, those embarrassing naked pictures and that highly questionable hook-up.

However, beer can be more than the means by which we as as women and college students at large can make bad decisions. It can, when consumed responsibly and with the intention of having fun (as opposed to just getting wasted), also be something to be savored and enjoyed for taste as opposed to its, at times, delightful side effects. Here is a guide to finding the right beer for you.

IF YOU HATE BEER:
Try an ale, especially a wheat ale, like Blue Moon or Tucher. These beers have a sweeter taste and are often served with a lemon or orange. This is also a great beer for the beginning beer drinker, who may not be able to handle the strength of a lager or stout.

Ales are brewed with top-fermenting yeasts at a relatively high fermenting temperature. These temperatures cause the yeast to produce esters, which give the ales a slightly fruity taste. Besides wheat ales, there are also IPAs or India Pale Ales, and the very pale Hefeweizens. A few other ales to try: Hoegaarden, Samuel Adams’ Boston Ale, Sierra Nevada Harvest Ale. Read More »

When one of my best friends from college called saying she was angry, I assumed it was boyfriend-related and she probably could be calmed down, if not called out for making slightly (very?) irrational assumptions herself.  As I prepared to hear what the boy had done now, I was surprised to hear that it was, in fact, another guy causing her grief.

You know how a lot of your Facebook friends are people you haven’t even spoken to in years?” she asked.

Of course.  The kids in the dorm freshman year, randoms from high school.  We all collect them.

“Yeah.  This guy I met through [boyfriend], who sought ME out and requested MY Facebook friendship, UNFRIENDED me!”

No joke.  She had just received a virtual b*tchslap.  Even I winced. Read More »