It’s finally happened. I’ve finally completely lost my mind.

How do I know? Because I’m really, really looking forward to this.

Yes, you understood that video correctly–there is going to be a show in which reality “stars” from Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, and I Love New York compete for cash (specifically, $250,000). And not the actual stars. It’s going to be the doofuses (doofii?) who competed for the lame stars’ hearts. (Note: New York is not lame. New York is a marvel of nature whose delightful bizarreness I will love for always. Just so’s ya know.)

Annnnyway, let’s take a look at the cast, shall we?

Brandi C. from Rock of Love
That weird blonde chick from the first season who kept calling Bret her boyfriend is back for the moolah. Having tried porn after she got off the show (frankly, not surprising), she was ready to jump back on the screen and into our hearts. Wait, did I say hearts? I meant nightmares.

The Entertainer from I Love New York
The crazo who got kicked off the show for living with his parents is back for more. This guy was pretty freaking crazy–there was an episode where he was convinced the house was haunted, so he wouldn’t take off his construction helmet. And I mean; what those two wacko things even have to do with one another I do not know. Read More »

And here it is – the finale that no one really cares about.

I’m calling Thing 2 for the win since he flew her ass out to France for this.

T2, Sinceer and Black are the last three standing either in France or in Fort Lauderdale, I still haven’t figured this out. Someone’s going home in the morning, which means that we’re probably in for a sloppy, whiny night. I guess Black and T2 are going to gang up to get Sinceer and her forehead out.

And I was totally wrong – there was no sloppy ‘please don’t eliminate me’ hook up. Flav sits with them as they eat breakfast and pretends to be saddened by the decision that he was to make. He has three tickets in his hands – one to Paris, one to Monaco and one to LA.

T2 and her ginormous gold hoops are going to Paris.

Black hopes that Flav sees her for who she is – if who you are is that pair of massive breasts, then you’re set.

Flav makes Sinceer and Black give him reasons why they should go to Monaco with him and I refuse to listen to this. Apparently Flav doesn’t want to hear it either since it’s a lot of screaming and no words. Read More »

Don’t act like you don’t watch. You are just as guilty as I am and that’s why you’re reading this. That or you really pity my television for constantly being forced to tune into such a brain cell killing show.

You know how the first two seasons of Flavor of Love went down. Hoopz never wanted to be with Flav, never called him after the finale was shot. Delishis has gone on to sell jeans, record an album and she’s married to some dude now.

Flav opens the first episode blaming Delishis for needing a season three and a last VH1 chance at “finding love” when the truth is that Flav wanted a third season. Enjoy this one, y’all; Flav “ain’t doing this again” because VH1 is NOT funding another Flav show once this one wraps.

Let’s get started.

Twenty girls stand outside of the mansion as what appears to be a Presidential Motorcade approaches. Looks like VH1 has stepped up the budget to send Flav out with a bang. So what is the “President of Love” looking for in a woman? In his hope that this season has brought him a different bunch of women, Flav reveals that respect is the key to his heart. Respect for his kids, his crib and for him.

And then we see the free-for-all of screams, bed jumping, and elephant riding (you have to see it to get it) once the contestants enter the house. Oh, God, just name this trashy bunch already and get to it. Read More »