If any of the producers of What Not to Wear ever happen to read this article, please accept my personal cry for help and send me to Stacy and Clinton asap.

Though I can usually throw together something appropriate for work or special events, about half of my clothing inventory consists of utterly ridiculous garments. It doesn’t help that I’m sentimental and can’t discard my prom dresses five years later, or that I’m waiting for certain trends to come back (though I’m pretty sure sparkly, sleeveless, turtleneck sweaters were never in style to begin with). And it definitely doesn’t help that I went through a goth/punk phase that a small part of the “professional” me desperately wants to revert back to.

As we all get ready for back to school, many of us will rummage through our closets and get rid of last season’s most shameful shirts, skirts, dresses, and pants in order to make room in our tiny dorm closets for upcoming styles (that we will undoubtedly regret in 2009 or 2010).

Here are some of my particularly embarrassing items.

1. Drawstring Khakis

I think that any pants that don’t have a numerical size should be left alone. So, why I bought these “Size L” drawstring pants with floral embroidery at the bottom is beyond me. They don’t go with any shoes, the trim is tacky, and they are so baggy that they make my ass look like a misshaped Volvo. I used to wear them to lounge around, because a lack of a waist obviously equals comfort; however, I made the mistake of wearing them out of the house one extremely hungover day. In public. With friends. My friend turned to me and said, “If you ever wear those pants again, I will cut them off your body.” Point taken. Read More »

Myammee starts us off where we left off by “stepping it up.” Stepping it up always involves some level of naked. She puts on a bikini and knocks on Flav’s door - but Flav needs to drop a deuce and “set up” for her before letting her into his room. No, for serious.

And setting up means lysoling the room afterward because Myammee tells Flav how good his room smells upon entering. His hair was 8 feet tall when he answered the door and then under a rag after lysoling every inch of his room - did he really poo and do his hair all in that time?

Bunz is on the phone and she’s $100 short for her monthly bills and who’s on the phone with her? She tells Hotlanta about her money woes and I can’t hear any of their conversation because Bunz is smoking the longest cigarette ever.

Now, I can’t quite tell when this goes down - my guess is the next day - but Rayna calls the house. Seezinz answers to hear Rayna all “tell Flav to watch his grill” and “I’m mad at all of them.” Uh - move on? Get a job? Read More »

video.vh1.com