Hey everyone! It’s Friday! It’s gonna be such a great day! I can feel it! I’d like to give a special shout out to the crazy guy I met this morning as I walked into work with the rest of the herd of New Yorkers! You were really cool, Crazy Guy! You shouted “F*CK” as loud as you possibly could behind me, and after jumping out of my skin, I made the silly mistake of looking back — just in case you were a person who had fallen and was in need of help.

But guess what? You didn’t need help! You hadn’t fallen! You were just crazy! And because I looked back, you decided to take your special brand of insane and run up to my ear and scream “F*CK” again as loud as humanly possible. I mean, I have never heard someone yell that loud before - in my ear no less! I thought I was going to have a heart attack and go deaf!

So special shout out to you, Crazy Insane F*ck Shouting guy! You really made my morning, and even made me spill my Dunkin Donuts coffee all over my leg in sheer terrified surprise. LOVE!

In case you live under a rock, Britney Spears has officially gone crazier than any of us thought possible.

After freaking her sh*t last Thursday night when it came time to return her two sons to their less insane parent, Spears participated in a three-hour standoff before being rushed to a hospital on a stretcher and checking herself out less than 48 hours later (apparently too early for people admitted with psychological issues). While nobody’s saying exactly why Spears was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, it’s been reported that at the time of her hospitalization, she was “under the influence of an unknown substance”.

As if the circus wasn’t big enough, TV’s favorite media-whore “therapist” Dr. Phil got himself involved in Brit’s debacle, visiting her as she was checking out of the hospital and subsequently telling every news outlet that he was “very concerned” for her.

“My meeting with Britney and some family members this morning in her room at Cedars leaves me convinced more than ever that she is in dire need of both medical and psychological intervention.” The TV doc is quoted as saying. “She was released moments before my arrival and was packing when I entered the room. We visited for about an hour before I walked with her to her car. I am very concerned for her.” Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 95
Mood: Stuffed

“So…” I clicked the old flashlight onto a brighter option and pulled my hat farther down onto my face. “How was Thanksgiving at your aunt’s?”

Even though I had secretly wished he had forgotten, Daniel B. had arrived at my house a few minutes after 7 on Thanksgiving night, a giant blue coat around his skinny frame and a round plate covered in tinfoil in his hands. I had prepared my parents and my two sets of aunts and uncles for his possible arrival, but as soon as I saw his twitching face behind our glass door, I knew all the preparation in the world couldn’t save this night from becoming extremely awkward.

After an hour of good-natured attempts at questions around our large wooden table, I had suggested Daniel B. and I take my old dog Spud out for a walk. My dad’s bushy white eyebrows went up at that suggestion, and I did my best to shoot him a “don’t get any stupid ideas” look.

Usually, you invite a guy to take a walk at night because you want to make things romantic. This invitation had nothing to do with romance, and everything to do with alleviating some of the unwieldy tension in the air.

Once we were outside, our boots crunching against a tiny layer of snow that had fallen on the quiet street, my body started to relax and I could breathe normally again. I mean, I loved my parents, but my mom and dad were both older, around 65, and often didn’t comprehend me as well as I wanted them to. I don’t think they understood that I had I invited Daniel B. over out of politeness. I think they actually thought I liked him. Read More »

Okay, for a while, Tyra Banks‘ schtick was cute. On Top Model, she was bold and she was out there, walking the runway of Fierce Supermodel World. She definitely taught those young, naive models-in-the-making how to work it out and she always knew how to bring out the drama and make me tune in, week after week, marathon after marathon. I was a Tyra fan at one point, because she had just enough of that different personality to catch my attention.

Then, she got her own talk show and decided it was time to push her “I’ll say and do anything for ratings” image. Now, she’s a complete nut bag, she’s all over the television no matter what time of day it is, no matter what channel you turn to, and it’s like - okay. You’re crazy, Tyra. You’re out of your mind. We get it. Now shut up.

They say three strikes and you’re out. Well, here are just three of Tyra’s many recent strikes that have sent her from fierce to f*cking crazy:

1. This clip of Tyra going bat-shit crazy for Vaseline. Hey, I like petroleum jelly just as much as the next girl - it’s great for make-up remover and whatever else your dirty minds can cook up. But do I love it as much as she does? Should anyone love it as much as she does? Ummm, no. Read More »