[Editor’s Note: New York Magazine does these Sex Diaries that are sometimes cool, sometimes lame. Sometimes they’re interesting portrayals of every day life, and sometimes they make it seem like EVERYONE in New York City is having copious amounts of crazy sex — which isn’t always the case, btw. What would happen, I wondered, if some of CC’s writers blogged about their sex life for a week? Would it be cooler? Funnier? More believable?

Let’s see…]

DAY ONE
7:05 a.m. Boyfriend wakes me up to kiss me before he goes to work, like he does every morning. Like every morning, I feel guilty about my morning breath, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
3:45 Boyfriend comes home early and suggests a quickie.
3:46 Boyfriend catches my unenthusiastic response and tells me never mind. I feel awful, as I do every time I turn him down, but I’ve been cleaning all day without a shower and I had just finished an hour of wii fit so I was sore. I promise him that I’ll make it up to him later that night.
1:22 a.m. Come home from seeing a friend’s band play. Still too sore and tired for sex, so I offer him a blow job as soon as we get home. Read More »

He wants to do me.
He wants to do me not.
He wants to do me…

…Then never call again, do me, then tell all of his friends, do me, then flip out about my guy friends…the list goes on. If only the “He wants to do me” sentence could exist without the predictable post sex behavior, I would be living in a much more sexually satisfying world.

The problem with most guys who I have encountered is this: They really believe that if they have intercourse with a girl, she will flip out and suddenly be in love. Maybe all of the guys I know have simply given themselves too much credit because I’m always recycling the same kind of guy over and over again: Artsy and ARROGANT.

I suppose that, for me, there’s a degree of truth to this. But at the end of the day, I don’t want to be in love with anyone. Being in love is a shamefully painful experience to me, honestly. I’d rather be in the casual sex club…but the older I get..the harder it is to stay a member of that club. Read More »

Let’s face it; we’ve gotten to a point in time where “sex” comes into conversation more than last night’s game, politics, or the weather. Whether or not it’s being praised or shunned, it’s being talked about. After all, you guys see how often we talk about it here, don’t you? Sex is here, and I really doubt it’s going anywhere anytime soon.

That said, of course, there are still people who kind of linger on the edge. People who want to explore their sexual side, but are afraid of the way society will perceive them after the fact. People who really have no interest in actual intercourse, but still want to explore their “carnal” side, pardon the expression. For most girls and some guys, the quickie answer to this is usually some kind of sex toy.

There are TONS out there, some wonderful and some horrifying. And still, this is a bit too much for some people. What do you do if you fall into that category? No worries; there’s a whole line of products just for you. And I don’t mean vibrators that pretend to be ordinary items. I mean vibrators that actually legitimately think they’re ordinary items. Read More »

Occasionally during my down time at my “real person” job post college, I peruse my alma mater’s student newspaper online. I suppose it’s my way of living vicariously through the drama and events still going on at my beloved campus…which amazingly enough, still go on even without me. Today, I actually came across some surprising news that I was not aware of: College girls orgasm only HALF as much as college men. Sucks for us.

Now, I’m sure many things are running through your head right now as possible justifications for this statistic. I think we can all atest to the fact that most college hookups don’t exactly rock your world for a variety of reasons, (alcohol involved, inexperience, someone you don’t know extremely well, yada yada) so when you put it in perspective, it seems to make sense.

Apparently the survey was done by a professor at Stanford University. It questioned 4,000 students about their most recent hook-ups, which ranged from kissing to manual sex to oral sex to intercourse. The results showed that 44 percent of men had reached orgasm compared to 19 percent of women. More specifically, 70 percent of men climaxed during intercourse without oral sex beforehand, but only half the amount of females could do the same. Read More »

Looks like kids are still being weird about sex.

Researchers in Berkeley, California recently surveyed more than 900 middle school and high school students for a study in the Journal of Adolescent Health.

When presumably asked what constitutes keeping one’s virginity, “70 percent of kids 12 to 16 believe they’re virgins even if they’ve had oral sex - and 16 percent believe anal sex doesn’t count either.”

Look, once you start engaging in sexual activity, your virgin status goes hazy. Sure, you might not have done it, but if you’ve done everything under the sun except it, your technical virginity basically becomes a moot point. If you’re sexually experienced, you’re sexually experienced.

The “I’m still a virgin!” declaration after engaging in other sexual activities seems to be rooted in our society’s desperate fear of being labeled. Teenagers (especially girls) ultimately want to be “good”, but their hormones are pulling them in a completely different direction.

Doing everything except the big “penis into the vagina” thing allows someone to explore their sexuality while still remaining pure in the eyes of society.

Sex is a big thing. I don’t want to deny that. But the more pressure we put on teenagers about it, the more they’re going to do anything to make up excuses. Read More »

The hot tub: thought by many to be the ultimate in places to have sex.

It’s comfortable, relaxing, heated - it’s the aquatic equivalent of sex itself! So why should you not have sex in one?

According to studies by a (virgin) urologist, hot tub humping may not be very safe.

The old rumor of man becoming infertile after too many trips to the tub has been proven correct - but how long must you stay in the water? A week?

If your guy’s testicles have been heated up to a rolling boil, yes - you should probably get out of the hot tub.

It’s also common knowledge that yes, you can get pregnant in a hot tub. make sure Aquaman wears a condom, and all of your troubles will be gone.

In other words, don’t let anybody - scientists, urologists, virgins, moms - deprive you of experiencing the ultimate. It’s all of our God-given right to experience hot tub sex. Read More »

Yeah, yeah yeah. We have all heard it a thousand times - “It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.” Sh-aah, If even- whatever. I hate to be the bearer of bad news for you dudes out there, but it’s the SIZE of the boat. C’mon, deep down you knew she was only trying to make you feel better.

OK, here’s the deal. It’s not the middle that’s the problem, it’s the low and high end of the spectrum that has something to worry about. The fact of the matter is, we are just not designed to accomodate a horse, and likewise, an angry inch just won’t cut it. I found some testimonials on utterpants.com that will hopefully set the record straight. Take a look.

Amy, 32, said, “I should at least be able to feel some kind of penetration. Either the ruler he’s using has shrunk even more than his dick or he was too busy playing with himself when he should have been learning how many inches there are in a foot. If he’s eight inches then my Nissan Micra is a bloody BMW!

Does Size Matter?

Read More »