“The Dark Knight” is upon us! WHO ELSE IS FREAKING OUT?!

Keeping up with the Kardashians…in jail

Sarah and Jimmy split–the Matt Damon video is just awkward now

It’s not the happy ending most girls grow up dreaming about…

“Hey, um, Papa Hulk…were your girlfriend and I separated at birth?”

I don’t know if Hitch would have prescribed an “open relationship”

The new power jobs are in–”socialite” ain’t one of ‘em, Paris!

Off-topic, but I think Jeff Goldblum is really sexy

Radiohead’s new music video is awesome. ‘Nough said.

18-year-old waitress hooks up with a Rolling Stone–and it’s not even Mick or Keith!

[Photo courtesy of Mollygood.com]

Hey, remember Trapped in the Closet? You know, R. Kelly’s AMAZING twenty-three part R&B soap opera chronicling the twists and turns in the life of protagonist Sylvester (R. Kelly) and about ten million secondary characters who are all tangled in the same sexy web of lies and interconnected boot-knockin’? Well R. Kelly’s Trial Debating Whether Or Not I Am In Fact A Huge Creep That Pisses On Underage Girls On Video is like Trapped in the Closet, but so so so much more kick ass.

To give you a little background, it all started in 2002 when music critic Jim DeRogatis was given a video by a currently unnamed source featuring what appeared to be R. Kelly giving an allegedly underage girl money, then getting a BJ from her, having sex with her, and pissing on her. DeRogatis broke the story in the Chicago Sun-Times, and shortly thereafter R. Kelly was charged with soliciting a minor for child pornography, seven counts of videotaping the acts, and seven counts of producing child pornography. Now, six years after the initial indictment, the trial has begun and it’s like the sexy remix of the O.J. Simpson trial. Read More »

Jail isn’t fun. In fact, jail is pretty miserable. I know, I know, you don’t believe me, right? You always imagined jail to be one non-stop party. Who doesn’t want to be in jail?

Well, Nick Hogan is saying otherwise.

What? He’s trying to tell us that jail is like…bad?!

According to a report in Page Six:

“‘Nick’s doing really bad. He’s struggling to even form a sentence,’ one friend said. ‘They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn’t understand how awful jail really is until now.’”

So there you have it; jail sucks. Well, now I guess Nick will know for the next time he decides to race his Toyota Supra while drunk, leaving his friend in a permanent coma. And shouldn’t he be thrilled he’s in a cell by himself, isolated from the other inmates? I’d count myself lucky to be roommate-less and alone in jail. It could be so, so much worse. Read More »

Weed has a really schizophrenic status in American culture. Pretty much everyone’s tried it, but getting busted with even a small amount of it can land you some serious jail time.

Meanwhile, magazines like High Times boast super-ridiculous, high-definition marijuana centerfolds and smoking tips, and you can buy amazingly ornate smoking paraphernalia, like, at the local mall.

Although smoking pot is normalized, if not practically mainstream (we’re long past the “Reefer Madness” era, after all), there have been over eight million cannabis arrests in the United States since 1993 — at a rate of 1 cannabis users arrested every 40 seconds. And this is in a country where growing and selling pot, at least for medicinal purposes, is totally legal in many states. Could it get more convoluted?

In hopes of alleviating the confusing f*ck-all of cannabis culture in the United States, a new higher institution (pun intended) in the Bay Area has opened its doors to curious stoners, enterprising hydroponic botanists, and legalization activists. Half-jokingly dubbed “Oaksterdam University,” this Oakland trade school is a full-fledged university of weed. Read More »

• Katherine Heigl’s sunglasses… Hayden Panettiere’s Maxene boots… Get the look for less.

• If you could only choose 5 cable channels… which ones would they be?

• The Shin’s Martin Crandall roughs up America’s ‘Almost’ Next Top Model.

• Anne Frank’s Diary… The Musical???

• Milo Ventimiglia is a baby.

Joe Francis is more than just a sleazebag rich kid who cajoles drunk girls into making out and flashing their boobs.

He’s more than a crybaby who had a panic attack in jail and was tied up in his own home. He’s more than an obnoxious frat boy in a designer suit.

Joe Francis is a good guy.

At least according to Joe Francis.

Meetjoefrancis.com is the Girls Gone Wild creator’s new online endeavor to show the world that his past behavior was all a misunderstanding…something he’s been plagued by his whole life.

“I’m excited to have this opportunity to introduce myself to you personally.” Francis writes on his homepage.

“Over the years, I’ve gotten used to being misunderstood.”

“From as early as the first grade, when a teacher’s aide took offense at my efforts to get her attention by putting a tack on her chair, to more recently, when a certain Southern judge took a relentless interest in putting me behind bars, it seems that I have been in a constant struggle just to be understood as a regular guy trying to get by in life.”

Putting a tack on someone’s chair to get attention? More like putting a tack on someone’s chair to watch them sit on a tack and laugh. Read More »

It looks as though the gossip gods were smiling down on this week because as we start the weekend there was one last dramatic event taking place over in Hollywood.

Nicole Richie, accompanied by her boyfriend and baby daddy Joel Madden, pled guilty to her DUI charge she picked up from the December 2006 DUI incident that involved prescription pills, marijuana, and alcohol.

Today, she was finally sentenced by a California judge.

The judge seemed rather leinient on Richie, who not only let her off with just 4 days to serve, but knocked off a day because he counted the 6 hours Richie served when the arrest occured. Not only that, but Richie has a choice of county or city jail. Now, serving time is a depressing prospect anyway and I don’t really know what jail is better in this situation, but damn. Couldn’t he have like, yelled at her a little or something? Read More »

The only reason I hesitate to proclaim LL’s career completely dead is because comebacks are so big these days. She could land herself a E! series, or maybe even some giant Barbara Walters special where she cries. There’s a chance Lindsay could rise again.

But just in case she doesn’t, Hollywood had better start looking for new big-boobed starlets.

A New York Times article (yup, even the grand old NYT is digging through Tinseltown garbage these days…) claims now that Lindsay has been arrested twice, she’s basically uninsuriable. And when you’re uninsuriable in Hollywood, everything fades to black.

If a production company can’t be sure a star will show up for work or stay out of jail, it’s unlikely she’ll be hired. One missed day can mean hundreds of thousands of dollars down the drain, and almost no actress is worth that kind of anxiety. Combine Lindsay’s unpredictable behavior with her less-than-stellar film record, and you’ve got a girl who can be (and most likely already has been) replaced.

Poor Things, a small independent film (that was supposed to begin shooting shortly) in which LiLo had only a supporting role, was recently plagued by rumors of an early demise after Lindsay’s first rehab stint. Since the starlet was arrested a second time, the movie’s producer claims the film is “moving on” – supposedly without the troubled star. Read More »

A nation yawned simultaneously for a full hour yesterday as Paris Hilton made her first public appearance since being released from jail. America was on the edge of its seat waiting anxiously for Hilton to reveal what actually happened behind bars and we definitely got our answer: Absolutely nothing. She was not in the general population; she was not harassed by evil prison guards nor was she somebody’s bitch. In fact, she got a chance to spend some quality time with her favorite person on the face of the Earth: Paris Hilton.

Paris came to a few profound conclusions in jail. She said to King, “I took that time just to get to know myself”. And get to know herself she did, realizing that she is fatally claustrophobic, extremely religious and hopes to train herself to talk in a lower voice to be taken more seriously. In terms of Paris’ early exit — then surprising entrance back into Lynwood jail, it was her claustrophobia that led her home as the Sheriff to the stars considered it a life threatening condition. Also discovered was Paris’ struggle with Attention Deficit Disorder for which she takes consistent medication. Generally, the disease is treated with Adderall, a common prescription used recreationally as an amphetamine (can‘t be good for the claustrophobia). But none the less, Hilton maintains that she has never taken drugs as she contradicts on film here where she encounters a man covered in cocaine who asks her to do a line off of his chest. Paris declines and says, “No, I can’t. I’ve done like ten”. Hilton has never been known for her honesty or her squeaky clean image. If anything, people seem to think that she is an immoral reckless spoiled brat — and in some ways they may be right. But, special treatment or not, 3 weeks on lock down can not be an easy feat. Read More »

Wow, time really does fly when you’re having fun! I feel like it was just yesterday that Paris H. was arrested for drunk driving, thrown in jail, taken out of jail and put on house arrest, put back in jail, wrote an apology letter at the level of a third - grader, and decided to declare herself a changed woman to NBC  Larry King for a paltry sum of $1 million.

So much can happen in 23 days!

And now, as of 12:16 a.m. today, Paris is free. She has done her hard time with the grace of a true American heiress.

Her release was orchestrated with proper pomp and circumstance: she was allowed to trade her jumpsuit and handcuffs for a springy jacket and accessories and walk the cement carpet out of the block into a black Escalade, with her proud parents waiting inside. To congratulate her on a job well done, Rick and Kathy Hilton presented their daughter with flowers and an “aluminum - foil - wrapped snack.”

Bravo, Paris, brav0! I am anxiously awaiting your next performance. What will it be?