Every dude’s dream: Pam VS Jessica

Barack is the new Barbie

If girls ruled the internet

Watch Amy Winehouse punch people

What’s Lindsay doing these days?

Dear Jesus: Heidi wants to sing about you

Best cities for jobs in 2008

Ruben Studdard sings about his wife. Sort of

Guess what I’m having at my next pool party?

King Kong: a racist, sexist romp?

Um, did you buy that Louis Vutton from eBay?

DMX…calm yourself

I could say a lot of things about this picture (one of them being why anyone over the age of 16 would wear a shirt with a lame catch phrase on it), but I think mostly, it speaks completely for itself.

[photo from www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com]

“Prince Charming” continues to say stupid sh*t

Plus size summer fashion, baby!

Um, don’t eat the tomatoes

Wicked famous sports stars going broke? They’re not stupid, they’re just too trusting

Jessica Simpson gets inpsired by her own boobs

Is your summer fling already dead in the water?

I’ve figured it out. Puff Daddy wants to be Sybile. You know, the woman who had 13 personalities?

Know your in season fruit, mamas!

You might be dating a criminal if: you’re Anne Hathaway

[photo of R. Everett from abc.net]

According to a story in The New York Daily News, Mayer’s monster wang (as reported by former galpals) is the reason Jennifer Aniston is so crazy in love with him. On a related note, I like John Mayer more and more every day.

Seriously. So the dude churns out jams that frat boys play when they’re trying to get sensitive with the lady they just slipped GHB to. And I suppose he did date Jessica Simpson. And, yeah, sure, he’s friends with Jimmy Buffet. *shudder* BUT. But. The dude is a) for all intensive purposes, a guitar god, b) actually fucking hilarious, and c) now, apparently has a huge wiener.

This is a lot more than I can say for a majority of the gentlemen I have been involved with, oh, ever. Plus, he’s totally loaded. Sure, that’s mostly due to the aforementioned frat boys and moms in sexless marriages, but really, I’m going to come right out and say it; John Mayer is kind of the sh*t.

I know people speculate all the time as to how he gets all these hot chicks (thus, the Daily News “investigate report” or whatever the f*ck you want to call it), but let’s peruse the roster of people he’s been reported as getting romantic with according to whosdatedwho.com:

Rebecca Lord – A porn star, a.k.a. a lady who knows her wangs.
Vanessa Carlton – A singer or something. Butterface. Read More »

I went from cracking jokes about Jessica Simpson’s ProActiv ads to wanting to be in my own acne treatment ad basically overnight. I never had acne problems as a teen. Even buying something as simple as face wash seemed like a foreign concept to me-after all, I had perfect skin. Of course I’d have the occasional tragic zit that would drive me up the wall — but that was as far as my derma-traumas were concerned.

Until I switched my birth control.

Once I switched my birth control my hormones went completely out of whack. A few months ago, after the switch, I started breaking out ALL OF THE TIME. I felt uncomfortable going outside without makeup on. As a singer, I didn’t want to be on stage. As a model on the side, I stopped showing up to interviews. I felt gross and about as far from pretty as a girl can possibly feel without having to be a D list Hollywood drunken starlet.

I wasn’t about to give in to a bleak marriage with acne. My skin’s future needed to be free and happy, not tied down to bullsh*t anxiety.

I finally got to that breaking point where I caved and decided I would try ProActiv-or something like it. Something like it is what I went with when I saw Acne Free at the drug store. It was right there in front of me and for much less than what I hear ProActive goes for (it was $20 for the package). I rationalized with myself for a while before the purchase.

“Elizabeth…you spent $20 at a bar on drinks in an hour. You can chance it for better skin…”

And so I did. Read More »

So, Papa Joe might find me and kill me (or send out a swat team of lawyers). But I don’t care. I’ll put it bluntly, and to him: “Papa Joe, your family is hideous, and you’re to blame.”

I hate thinking about the Simpsons. I try not to think about them. Ever. But when I do think about the Simpsons, and conjure up their faces in my mind’s eye, it makes me want to stab my actual eyeballs with needles or a really sharp knife. Since I like my eyes, and appreciate all that they do for me (good jobs, eyes!), I try to avoid images of the Simpson clan. Nevertheless, the girls appear on a lot of my magazines and are picked on at most the blogs I surf every day. Inevitably, I am forced to think about them, even look at them.

I’m sure some of you think I’m being unduly harsh when speaking in such venomous tones. Indeed, the Simpson camp would agree with you. So, by all means, go ahead and join that nest of vipers. But I can’t help being critical. In my mind, they rank up there with the worst of the Hollywood hacks, a close tie with Parasite Hilton or Lindsay Blohan.

OK, that’s hyperbolic, as I am thinking of more counter-examples myself, not to mention that the Simpsons, like Lohan, are in a different category than Hilton types, who were born, literally born, with golden spoons in their . . . well, you get the point.

These days, the competition to make it to the realm of beyond-pitiful is steep. Nevertheless, my dislike for the Simpsons is extremely intense. When did it all begin? Let’s see, I remember that “innocent” reality show . . . aaaaah, yes, The Newlyweds. That guy, Nick Lachey . . . that’s when he was in the picture, too. But Papa Joe effectively cut him out, didn’t he? Read More »

Lindsay Lohan: full-frontal in upcoming film to prove integrity

Jessica Simpson makes millions of men feel conflicted

…while lil’ sis Ashlee and Pete Wentz are engaged!

Down and dirty dorm room hook-ups

Saaphryi’s Lip Chap is poppin’

I def want my boo to get his advice from Spencer Pratt

Dark Knight marketing tactics stir up some buzz

Perez Hilton is going to DC–wait, what!?

LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Best. Game. Ever.

Pandas pressured to procreate–would some panda porn help?

Disney perpetuates false expectations one bridal gown at a time

“The Hills” movie–would you really expect anything less?

Did Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo tie the knot?

Hey mom, can I borrow $4,000 to go to Porn Camp this summer?

Celeb birthday bash I least want to attend

On second thought, Maury–I’ll take care of that paternity test, OK?

John Mayer is awesome. Got it?

Paris Hilton: “I’m an inspiration”

I don’t care what you say: Madonna is fierce