“I always feared there was something wrong with me. You know, because I couldn’t make it [relationships] work. But maybe I’m not supposed to,” Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) explains her decision to stay single in the brilliant last episode of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. “I’m cookie dough,” she says. “I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m going to turn out to be.”

After seven seasons of relationships with on-again off-again boyfriends Angel and Spike, show creator Joss Whedon let his heroine ride off into the sunset (or really, run off into the sunset), alone. I remember watching the episode and finding the idea shocking and refreshing. It wasn’t a happily ever after ending, but it also wasn’t a tragic ending; it was completely realistic. The show ends with Buffy at age 22/23, and what girl at that age has relationships all figured out?

I remembered this scene today while I was talking to my friend Rocky* about our friend Veronica’s* current relationship. I was expressing a few things that were bothering me about it, nitpicking at the things that have bothered me when she was in previous relationships and continue to bother me now. Rocky gently reminded me that Veronica doesn’t have it all figured out yet, and she pointed out that neither do I. I’d somehow expected Veronica to learn all that there is to learn about relationships between the one she was in last and the one she is in now, but the only thing that has really changed is that we’re not in college anymore. Read More »