So…this morning on my way to school, I was reading this girl’s newspaper over her shoulder on the train (I know this is annoying. Sue me.) and I saw a very unusual headline.

I thought it was a hoax or something, but when I got to school, I looked it up, and sure enough it’s real.

Um…a woman sat on a toilet for two years and her skin grew around the toilet seat.

I am not happy about this. It’s weird enough that she grew into the toilet seat, but what I want to know (and what none of the articles I’ve read bothers to explain) is why her boyfriend waited two years to do anything.

Look, if I’m stuck to a toilet seat, my boyfriend better tell someone asap or else it’s over.

You hear me, bitch? OVER.