I’ve been reading Cosmo for a really long time—which is surprising since they’ve pretty much been putting out the same issue for, I dunno, ten years. The Cosmo Karma Sutra, X Number Of Tricks To Really Make Him Hot… it’s just the same thing over and over again.

Don’t get me wrong—I learned a lot from Cosmo when I was 15. Blow jobs—straight from the pages of this soft porn bible. And my gay friend Dave who taught us tricks on popsicles one summer night. Oh, those were the days.

Being older now, I kind of despise Cosmo. I hate all the sexual stuff and a lot of times I find myself thinking—aren’t women more than this? I mean, obviously we all think about guys (probably too much), but enough is enough. Can’t we talk about things like… politics, or even music that isn’t straight from American Idol? Why does the book excerpt have to be from a romance novel? I would even settle for simple chick-lit above the “he rubbed his rugged hands over my soft perky breasts as I sighed deeply in ecstasy.” Blech.

But I feel like Cosmo has reached a new low. In their new “exclusive Cosmo game,” Boy Toy “our cute sweet guy exists solely to serve you. That’s right, you control what he does, and if he keeps you happy, then you win points in the game. Watch out for the skanky ex-girlfriend though!” Um, gag me. Read More »