First Britney Spears created a perfume. Then Jessica Simpson started designing clothes. Then Lindsay Lohan threatened to bring us leggings with built-in knee pads….

And now Kid Rock will be brewing beer?!

WTF is up with celebrities trying to do it all? Just because you are good at rocking the stage (or mediocre at best, if you are Jessica Simpson) doesn’t mean that you know how to design bedding. Or a nice smelling perfume.

And just because you happen to drink a lot of beer doesn’t mean that you should start brewing it. I drink a lot of beer; do you see me coming out with a Wolverine Brew? No! Because while I know how to consume beer quickly (beer pong), I don’t know the first thing about brewing mother f–king beer.

What’s next? Paris Hilton uses a ton of condoms (I imagine); is she gonna launch a line of Paris Couture Condoms? Is Britney Spears going to release her very own Spears-Anti-Psyhoctic meds? Will Snoop Dog create his own Super Snoop Weed?

Kid, I think you are pretty good on stage, but I don’t think you really have it in you to create a beer. I mean, you are Kid Rock for God’s sake; your lifestyle is more aligned with trailers and chewing tobacco than with a nice, smooth brew. We already have Keystone, Schlitz and PBR; do we really need another low quality keg?

Would you drink Kid Rock Beer?

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Two days into freshman year I went to my first frat party. Walking into the Greek lettered doors made me feel like I had just stepped onto a movie set. Everyone had red solo cups! Everyone was dancing and having oodles of fun! And Oh my god! Is that an ice-luge!? Yeah, best night of my life…until the cops came.

Regardless, for the next two years I lived and loved the open frat parties. I thought our love affair would never end…and then, this past weekend we broke up. Now, I still enjoy the small frat mixers but the crazy parties, have gotten…well, old. “Why? What could be better than living in an animal house world?” You ask.

Well, here are my top five answers.

The abundance of scantily clad freshmen. Sure, I was once a freshman myself, and being away from home and being able to wear and do whatever you want is exciting, but eventually you will regret wearing a bandana-sized piece of cloth as a top.  And I’m all for sex and I’m all for dancing but do you really need to attempt both simultaneously on the dance floor in front of everyone? It seems these open parties contain about 80% girls and about 75% of those are freshmen girls. Trust me ladies, the body shot phrase will get old, and I’m over watching it.

One word: Keystone. Really guys, Keystone Light, at every party? Keystone has got to be one of the grossest, cheapest liquids ever created. Spring for something a few notches higher. I’m not saying I expect margaritas to be blended before my eyes (although that would be amazing) but there are better beverages out there than Keystone. PLEASE switch it up! Boxed wine would be an immense step up for just as much money! Get some class, guys. Read More »

I remember my life before I discovered Franzia and its wine-in-a-box counterparts. I was developing a hunchback from lugging a backpack full of Keystone cans around campus, hopping from dorm party to dorm party. Or, I would spend an arm and a leg on bottles of Bacardi (and the mixers to go with it), only to go through a whole bottle in one night after my friends had passed shots around the room.

At some point during my college career, I discovered that wine is stronger than beer and more consistent than mixed drinks, which are super weak at many stingy bars.

Wine became my go-to drink.

When I moved into an apartment with a fellow wino, we quickly realized that even 1.5 liter bottles of wine went too quickly, so to save gas on packy runs, we became avid boxers.

Boxed wine is completely underrated by many collegiates across the country. In the wine world, Franzia may have a bad rap, but come on; we’re college students. We have no money. We drink a lot. And we aren’t opposed to drinking Dubra when times are tight, so why exclude boxed wine from our list of libations?

In many states, wine comes in 5-liter boxes. That’s FIVE LITERS of booze for about $15. Depending on how much (or how little) you drink, that can easily be split throughout the night between you and your five closest friends, or you can suck it down yourself and not worry about another liquor run for a week or two. If you can’t find a 5-liter box, you’ll still be set with the “smaller” size box, which contains three liters of fermented grapes.

Heaven. Read More »