I’m starting to feel bad for Lindsay Lohan. I know, I am like some evil bitch because it took me two years of watching this girl spiral out of control to hop on the sympathy train, but it is really hard for my to care about someone who has every single bag I’ve ever wanted. And all those awesome clothes! I can’t feel bad for her when I hate her so much.

(And people say I’m materialistic. Pshaw.)

Anyways, the time has finally come for me to feel for this girl. Not because her mom is sh*t nuts. Not because her sister is being whored out on TV for monetary gain. Not because she allegedly has some secret half sister lurking somewhere in the Midwest. Not because she needs to become a lesbian in order to find someone to trust. Not even because she is a lesbian with some creepy looking skinny dude-ish girl.

I feel bad for her because she really has no one she can trust. Read More »

Happy Saturday, ladies.

While I sit on my couch watching TV, checking my ex’s status on Facebook (being a douchebag, as usual) and trying to convince my mother that I am not hungover (what can I say; I’m a multitasker), I just got some rather frightning news. Like Paris Hilton wants a child news. Or Kevin Federline was named father of the year news.

It appears that LiLo has a secret (well, not anymore) half sister!

Kristi Kaufmann, a former fling of Michael “I’m a Preacher” Lohan, is claiming that he is the father of her 13 year old daughter, Ashley. According to Kaufmann, she and Michael had a little tryst during (and after!) a short separation from Dina back in the day. Scandalous!

Michael has confirmed the validity of this claim, which - I imagine - can mean only one thing for this attention whoring family: another Lohan reality show!

I am just waiting to see:
A) How Mama Lohan responds to this
B) The I-Have-A-Sister-That-I-Didn’t-Know-About Bender Lindsay goes on
C) The hot mess this little 13 year old girl is going to become just being associated with the Lohan crew.