It’s not news that I feel instantly ill whenever The Hills comes on, and it’s also nothing new when I say BSG (bitchy straight guy) Spencer Pratt gives me hives, but here’s something that IS different: he might actually be real.

Recently, Pratt posted this blog on his official website, and it’s a doozy. Not only does he challenge people to “feel free to hate on me here on my blog / board where I actually read the comments”, but he totally (and I mean totally) blasts his “co-star” Lauren Conrad.

“Lauren ruined Heidi and Laurens friendship when she told Heidi that she could not be friends with her as long as she dated me” Pratt types. “…the fact is Lauren is in LOVE with Heidi…she used to scream at Heidi if she left her alone one night…she used to ask to get in bed with Heidi and I to cuddle in the mornings…believe what you want…when those cameras turn off LC (MEAT CURTAINS) is a completely different person.

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If reading all about the personal lives of Lauren, Heidi, Spencer, Whitney, and whoever else thinks appearing on The Hills is a smart career move hasn’t been enough for you these last few months, you can stop wondering what they’ve been up to on August 13th!

Is Lauren really not talking to Heidi? Is Whitney’s job really a job? Does Spencer really love Heidi or did he brainwash her? How’s it going with Lauren and her brand new best friend/roommate?

MTV has you covered, so spend the rest of your precious summer vacation following the lives of these people.

I won’t judge.

Apparently you only have to play a wizard (not actually be one) to make millions of dollars magically appear. In the spirit of the new Harry Potter and the Daniel Radcliffe craze, I found it fitting to blog about rich teens (and how completely undeserving they are of their millions.).

Don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe that acting and singing are an admirable art. In no way is it an easy job.

Motion pictures or the right lyrics can change peoples’ lives, send important messages, or make you cry hysterically for hours unsure as to why you care so damn much that Rafe forgave his innocent best friend Danny for rolling around in the parachute hangars with the woman that they both love.

My point is, the amount of money that these celebrities are getting paid is absolutely ridiculous, especially considering how much cool shit they get for free just for being famous in the first place! Read More »

As any child of the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s knows, these days, MTV is a virtual wasteland. A repetitious, celebrity obsessed, materialistic channel that now seems to hire VJ’s based on their height and weight rather than their music expertise. My Super Sweet Sixteen makes any girl who had less than 1500 people and 17 white ponies at her birthday feel like she was cheated, and if you happen to be out of high school, there’s almost nothing—with the exception of True Life—that deals with your issues.

And I don’t have to even get into the music video problem. Or the fact that the channel’s completely lost its bite. The argument is old. Everyone knows MTV has sold out to big business and bling.

The show that highlights everything wrong with what was once our beloved edgy escape? The Hills.

This show is trash. Pure garbage. White 20-somethings bitching and whining that their deep pockets aren’t deep enough and their amazing jobs aren’t amazing enough. Bleach blond, breast-implanted bimbos who aren’t doing a thing to make this world a better place. Interning at Teen Vogue and working the door at some Hollywood club? This is supposed to drama? This is supposed to interesting? This is supposed to be camera worthy? Read More »

I used to think Teen Vogue was the best shit on the stands. All that high-class style and gossip for two bucks a pop? I signed up for a five - year subscription. I found the haughty content amusingly hilarious and would crave my monthly society updates on things like Bunny Von Hartzelcarter - Markstein’s cotillion and the eating habits and bedroom - decorating abilities of obscure young porcelain actresses.

Unlike its mother, the almighty Vogue, Teen Vogue featured fashions that were young, cool and almost affordable. A girl can dream, and I’d rather dream about a $300 Philip Lim denim trapeze dress than a $4000 quilted leather jacket by Alexander McQueen.

But this month’s issue is a little ridiculous. Plaguing the cover are the perpetual interns, LC of the OC and her sidekick, Whitey. I mean Whitney. It’s Whitney! Seriously, though, when are their internships going to end? Read More »

Today, my friends, is a monumental day– Heidi from The Hills has been spotted frolicking on the beaches of Malibu, revealing her new chest and nose to the world. And how does it look? Well, she looks elated, her chest looks inflated, her nose looks the same and her boyfriend is still ugly.

I suppose it’s the “she just looks so happy” part that gets me. Obviously, that happiness will fade and her boobs will start to sag and she’ll be considering a chin lift in no time.

Or will she? Getting plastic surgery today is easier than your local section of Bio for Nonmajors. You’re in, a little nip here, tuck there, you’re out. In New York City, two plastic surgeons are opening a “Botox-on-the-go” store for women who want some body modification on their lunch hour.

I have little things I do to keep myself happy– why else would I have spent $75 on nail polishes this year?– but plastic surgery still stands in scary territory. After having four children, the writer Ayelet Waldman considered a tummy tuck after her plastic-surgeon friend told her she could fix her portruding stomach. She considered the surgery, but eventually decided that she “didn’t want to be remembered as the woman who was so vain she died on the operating table, leaving four motherless babies but a really nice-looking corpse.”

I may not have children, but I take her point seriously. And why spend thousands for new boobs when you can paint your own nails for free, and live to tell about it?

Would you go under the knife for beauty? 

Well, surprise surprise. It’s happened again. Yet another Laguna Beacher has made a boo-boo behind the wheel.

Remember Jessica Smith? In Season 1, she was Dieter’s gf, kind of a background player. But in Season 2, she was brought to the forefront, when she dated Jason, broke up with Jason, kissed Jason while he was dating Alex AND while he was dating Lauren “LC” Conrad, and then dated Cameron in Season 3. Yea. She got around.

Anyway, TMZ.com reports that Jessica was arrested on Monday for drunk driving. She was driving her Beetle, crashed into an Acura, and really hurt the people in both cars. Her bail was set at $100,000, which I’m sure was no problem for her family to handle. She’ll be back on the roads in no time.

And, to top it all off, she’s only 19.

Hmmm. If I remember correctly, the same thing happened to Jason, (who, in my opinion, lacked any sort of personality and wit for a reality TV character) and if I also remember correctly, it happened on more than one intoxicated occasion. I don’t know what’s going here, but when these lucky lads and lassies sign their “Laguna Beach” contracts, they should also sign away their rights to ever get behind a wheel. Ever. They’re always drunk, anyway.

I can’t wait to find out who gets the next DUI. Maybe it’ll be a kid from “The Hills.” Oh, the suspense!