Lindsay Lohan is about to see dead people.

The liquor-guzzling maneater has been ordered to spend two days working with the stiffs in a Los Angeles-area morgue as part of a plea bargain over her drunk driving conviction.

Her lawyers say it’s all part of a plan to help her understand the true consequences of drinking and driving / doing cocaine / chasing down celery sticks with Red Bull.

I say they’d better hide the formaldehyde; you already know Blohan will sniff it out.

In other Lindsay news, the A-alcoholic is rumored to have grudgingly returned to AA.

When lawyers are afraid of you, you know there’s a problem.

As of Wednesday, Britney Spears’s custody battle just got a little more unbelievable. Her lawyers, the law firm Trope and Trope, asked to be “relieved” as her attorneys, explaining that communicating with the spiraling celebrity is “impossible.”

I mean, what is the girl doing?

How far gone do you have to be to ignore high-powered lawyers who’s only job is to help you? It’s like she’s totally forgotten about the two kids she squeezed out of her vajayjay only a few years ago, and instead believes her days should be spent driving around aimlessly and sleeping with nasty, nasty paparazzi (who are most likely getting ready to sell their story to the first magazine that jumps).

Even though there’s an election coming up, there’s global warming to think about, and things overseas aren’t looking that good, I think America needs to band together to get B. Spears off the streets and into rehab. This is something we can all connect to; all ages and races and economic standing, no matter who you are, you know this chick ain’t right in the head. Read More »

If you had told me two years ago that K-Fed would turn out to be the responsible one in the relationship he had with Britney, I would have asked you how many times you listened to Popozao, how loud your speakers were when you did so, and if your brain had been mutilated in the process.

But I would have wrongly insulted you, because Kevin is certainly turning out to be the best thing his kids can hope for.

A few days ago, K-Dawg began serving papers to a few close acquaintances of Britney, cousin Alli Sims being one of them. The horrible rapper’s lawyers claim many more “acquaintances” of Spears will be served, body guards and nannies most likely included.

After hearing the bad news, Britney went out and did what any certifiably insane person would do; cruised a drugstore for cheap candles and a $12.95 Hallmark gift book entitled “50 Truths Worth Knowing”. Read More »