You know how you can rub a lamp and a genie will come out and grant you three awesome wishes (I mean, in theory)? Well, according to some people, if you rub a staple shoved into the “upper cartilage of [your] left pinna” — the visible part of the ear — three times a day, you won’t want candy and you’ll lose weight.

I’m serious.

Acupuncture has been around for a while, but this type of acupuncture has recently become more popular with lazy people who would rather get foreign objects stapled into their body then move around and eat more vegetables. Ear Stapling is connected to the idea that piercing the upper ear cartilage, “provides constant stimulation for the vagus or pneumogastric nerve, a very lengthy (the word vagus means wandering) nerve that supplies motor and sensory information from the mouth and larynx down to the large intestine and colon“.

Even though some people swear it works, one can really prove anything scientific when it comes to the practice of Ear Stapling. Maybe it’s real. Maybe it’s the Dumbo’s Feather affect. Whatever the case, if you’re asking someone to shove a staple through your ear to lose weight…you’ve got more to worry about than a propensity for donuts.

I mean…leave your ears alone, lift some weights, and cook more stir-frys. Honestly, friends…it’s not that hard.

In response to yesterday’s list of 13 Truths About Women, we weren’t sure what to do. Do we respond to their “truths”? Maybe give them a little real information on women, instead of that bullsh*t they came up with?Or, do we go ahead and enlighten the world with some truths about men? Things we know to be true and think everyone should know when dealing with these….creatures.

We went with the latter. So, here they are: 13 Truths About Men That They Will Lie About Until They Die, But We Are Insightful Enough to Figure Out No Matter How Much They Deny:
(We must note, however, that, unlike men, we realize that all these truths can’t possible apply to all men. But they do show up, in some combination, in every single one.)

1. Sex Is Always a Top Priority: Guys often will try to make women believe that they are sensitive and don’t care about sex (“I want to talk!”), but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex is always number 1. Over sports. Over work. Over you. Over your relationship when he is in another city and a cute girl starts talking to him. Over his family. Over his health. If sex is an option, he will be taking it. And if sex is an option without a condom, he will be taking it in the 2.5 seconds it takes to rip your clothes off. No time to consider the repercussions, because those don’t matter when he can do it without the burden of a condom! Read More »

Okay, what the hell is this?!

Seriously. I will kill it.

First of all, it’s a product that spins your mascara wand. Perhaps you didn’t hear me, it spins your mascara wand. I’m sure I will get comments here that say I’m overreacting, but, for realz–has it really come to this?

How freakin’ lazy can we get? Now we need a device to help us apply mascara?

I’m also disturbed by the little spinning wand avec product on the homepage that lets you enter the page.

Why does this exist? Why would I spend $14.95 plus shipping and handling (!) on something that I secretly fear may pull my lashes out, carnival style, like that girl who lost her scalp at Six Flags?

The creepy little video says something like, “Clumps are caused by applying traditional mascara to naturally disorderly lashes.”

Honey, if my lashes are disorderly, it’s because God made ‘em that way. I don’t need some spinning wand to make it otherwise. Read More »

A few years ago researchers and doctors discovered that people who did not sleep enough were more likely to gain weight. That seemed obvious enough to me; not sleeping would make someone too tired to workout and more likely to sit around and eat. And, since those people were awake longer, they had more time to stuff their faces. The research findings were a lot more scientific, though.

It turned out that people who slept fewer than 8 hours a night had increased levels of Grehlin – a hormone that increases appetite – and a decrease in their levels of Leptin – a hormone that makes us feel full. So, people who slept less ate more, which, naturally, caused them to gain weight.

Doctors started urging people to get more sleep. They recommended creating a relaxing setting at bedtime (candles, nature sounds, sex?), avoiding caffeine and exercise in the evenings and keeping a notepad near the bed to jot down notes in order to clear the mind. They begged Americans to slow down a little and focus on their health instead of the million other things that plague us on a daily basis. And for the love of God, stop with the all-nighters.

And what happened? It backfired. Well, sorta. Read More »

I’m broke and lazy - are you broke and lazy? Of course you are.

You’re a college student (or a big fan of college-related material if you’ve found yourself reading this).To many, “college student” is synonymous with “too busy and too broke.” Even if you’re a part-time student/full-time worker it’s assumed that you’re a slacker. So instead of slacking off on ultra-cool college websites (…) how about you get off your ass and start preparing for your trip home?

Oh, you need help? Sigh…OK.

Just sit back and let CollegeCandy do the dirty work of providing simple-yet-important travel tips while you reap the benefits.

Book your flight early

It’s surprising how many people don’t follow this all-important rule. Call it being a member of the A.D.D. Generation or being too busy with schoolwork, but there’s no excuse when purchasing a ticket home is just a click away.

It’s early November - are you planning on heading home to see your family? Let’s hope you’ve already bought your ticket: holiday season is by far the most booked-up time to travel in the year. If you haven’t yet come back to this article (it’s not going anywhere) and book your flight at Orbitz, Expedia or Priceline immediately. Be sure to avoid spending ungodly amounts of time looking for the absolute cheapest rate: too much time browsing will equal too much money spent if you don’t act quick. Read More »

• Bartending in college is perfectly fine, but if you’re going to crush beer cans between your boobs…well, you just might deserve what’s coming to you.

• Are you ready for New Year’s 2008?

• HEY U R COOL <333!! Is this the way we’re dating now? Apparently, the answer is yes and we hate it.

• Zombies are coming!! Be prepared!! (Really!)

• This is the most adorable story involving Boy Scouts and helping and being prepared (zombies!) that I’ve read all week!

• Hey you! Stop being lazy, get off your ass, and clean out your life! Get with it!

• You have a boyfriend and we’re happy for you! But please, please don’t turn into this girl.

• I didn’t even know people still described themselves as “Goth”. Either way, it’s certainly not distracting.

Back in the Ye Olde Tinseltown days, most of the top-earning stars were stellar actors, singers and dancers, with none of the skills mentioned being a crutch to support a lack of talent.

Celebrities were, for the most part, blue-collar workers for the public, earning their fame by signing on to numerous films at once, rigorously training and studying various fields in the name of entertainment.

Fast forward 30-odd years and Flavor of Love’s New York is famous for being a outspoken bitch slathered in pancake makeup; Paris Hilton puts out an perfume ’cause, uh, why not; Sanjaya Malakar is praised for his “great spirit” while butchering the simplest of songs; Dane Cook sells out Stadiums with arm-farts and aimless crowd whooping.

The worst of it? These hacks not only suck at their day jobs: they find it necessary to plague other fields of entertainment by becoming entrepreneurs. Read More »

I recently celebrated a birthday. It came and went as all birthdays do.

There were some presents given and drinks were drunk and my mom even called to sing me a rousing chorus of “Happy Birthday.”

However, I noticed this a year a disturbing trend I hadn’t seen in years past: The ever so casual Facebook birthday message…which is both really typical and totally impersonal.

I must say that while it was totally nice to see my comment page fully loaded with birthday wishes I had to remember that not every single one of my friends had dutifully remembered my special day. Facebook had kindly reminds everyone that I am connected with my birthday was coming up.

I find this to be a good reminder tool, but friends should not rely totally on the Facebook birthday wish. A card would be nice kids, or even a phone call. My address and number do happen to be listed right on my profile.

The Facebook birthday wish only says, “I feel an obligation to post on your birthday that I didn’t remember, but I have no time to do anything else.”

Lame, kids. Really really lame. Read More »