Here are two things I know to be true; Penelope Cruz is hot, and helping family members succeed in life is awesome.

Here are two more things I know to be true; just because one family member is talented, doesn’t mean everyone else in that family got the gene, and two sisters making out—no matter how good-looking they are, is majority creepy.

The UK magazine The Sun is reporting that in an attempt to get famous fast, Penelope Cruz’s brother, Eduardo Cruz (who will now be know as “Sketchy Cruz”), has put his two sisters in his new music video—making out.

In the video, Penelope and Monica play sexy sound-dub artists who are putting the finishing touches on a lesbian porn tape. Something about the porn, plus Sketchy Cruz’s typical pop music sound, gets these two so riled up that they can’t help acting out their sexual tension.

Now matter how hard I wish I was, I’m not making this up.

But wait! The story gets even weirder. Read More »

I’d like to begin this week’s Nip/Tuck thought session with a few quotes:

“I don’t date guys with gray pubes.” (Thank you Eden.)

“Make love to me Christian; take care of me.” (Make up your mind already Julia — men or women?)

Both lady’s comments made me wonder two things: (1) Are older men less capable of having casual sex? (2) Do all women really want to be taken care of/feel safe?

The Eden/Sean thing was inevitable even though I’d always thought he was too good a guy to do an 18 year-old. However, I was surprised to learn that he wanted more than just a physical relationship with Eden. After resisting her for so long, wouldn’t he want it to be more of a “wham, bam, thank ya m’am” kinda situation? Read More »

Not only is reality tv dominating networks worldwide, but now it’s also inching it’s way into actual tv shows — i.e. our dear Nip/Tuck.

Although I must admit last night’s episode was a nice switch up from the status quo with the “Plastic Fantastic” title and theme song (that was hilarious), I doubt I’d ever feel as much love for the show if it continued that way. The drama was just too forced and completely exaggerated. It had never been more apparent to me that reality tv thrives on creating conflict even if there may or may not have been any to begin with.

I mean, we have Olivia and Liz making a love connection, Christian spilling the beans to Julia, Julia flipping out at the two lesbos and begging the cameras not to capture her emotional breakdown, while Eden races in after escaping from rehab and finally gets Sean to kiss her and Christian plays the guy who just wants to “help out.” It was total madness, well more than usual anyway.

It would of been way over the top if Kimber and Matt stormed in crying that their baby is addicted to crystal meth. Read More »

Before I delve into how much oral activity went on last night (on the show of course), the beginning of Nip/Tuck was utterly horrifying. Dr. MacNamara’s new leading lady sh*t herself in his hot tub and was from that point referred to as “the sh*tter.”

Is it just me or does this girl seem way too unworthy of dating such a hot doctor? I don’t care that she used to be fat. I don’t mind that she has some intimacy issues. What bothers me is that her personality sucks. What does he see in her? Especially now that she’s literally sh*t all over him. Uh, so gross. I did however find all of the poop talk hilarious.

My prediction is that MacNamara dumps her and gets it on with Eden, lesbian Olivia’s overly sexual daughter, who’s hair is out of control. And side note: Is this chick for real? I mean what is she? A teen dominatrix? You’d think she were a tease, but I’m seriously doubt it. Read More »

I have to admit that I usually know what to expect from Nip/Tuck:

a) a crazy, graphic display of plastic surgery

b) kinky sex

c) Dr. Troy being a creepy and naked

d) Dr. Troy having kinky sex, and of course

e) that one moment in the show where I’m like, “holy sh%$ that is messed up!”

But last night’s episode caught me totally off guard when it became quite obvious that Julia, MacNamara’s ex wife, was playing for “the other team.” Huh? And with the hot and beautiful girlfriend of Ellen Degeneres, Portia de Rossi, no less! I seriously never saw this one coming. I mean, think about it: Julia had been married to a hot plastic surgeon for years, she’s a mom and she’s even sexed it up kinky style with Troy a few times. Is this not hetero behavior?

Yet when Julia went to LA to introduce/explain her current lady love affair to the boys, she didn’t come out and say, yeah I’ve been into chicks all of this time. She explained to MacNamara that it was all about the “connection” and the fact that the communication and sex were easier.

Hmmm … First I thought, how in god’s name is the sex easier? But then, I began to wonder, is sexual preference really about the connection? Can the actual person, despite gender really be what seals the deal? Read More »

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Well folks, it’s time for yet another reality dating show. This time around, however there is a clever little twist. Tila Tequila, of Myspace and self-promoted fame, is the star of MTV’s new show “A Shot at love with Tila Tequila.”

The formula is essentially the same: Six weeks, find love, contestants get eliminated, one will remain at the end, and there will be a reunion special where we discover the winner really isn’t interested. Sound familiar? The big twist in Ms. Tequila’s show is her opportunity to come out as a bisexual and have 16 lesbians square off against 16 straight dudes for her affection. This should be fun.

Tila Tequila, nee Tila Nguyen, shot to fame by becoming the most popular person on Myspace as of April 2006. She has modeled for Playboy, Stuff and Maxim. She also was the number one unsigned artist on Myspace. Through shameless self-promotion and half-naked pictures, Tila has really become internet superstar. Now with her own show, she is sure to become a reality television superstar. I have no doubt the clothing line will follow soon. Oops, there already is a clothing line. Read More »

Prepare to have your heart broken: “As she put him into his cage for the night last Thursday, Dr. Pepperberg said, Alex looked at her and said: “You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.” He was found dead in his cage the next morning…” (New York Times)

Does every art teacher have to be a hippie? I mean, c’mon! That’s like saying all female gym teachers are lesbians… (Chicago Tribune)

What if universities called your house every time you missed class? What if they called your entire school? For some reason I don’t think my mom would have done what these moms did. (tampabays10.com)

$160 = a 5-year supply of Ben and Jerry’s. You just have to find a criminal. Wasn’t this a Nancy Drew book? (local6.com)

Just in case you’re like, the one person who doesn’t check PerezHilton everyday and haven’t seen his own ads on his own site, his show is on tonight. So, you might as well watch so you know what the hell he’s going to be talking about all day tomorrow. (VH1.com)