Happy Saturday, ladies.

While I sit on my couch watching TV, checking my ex’s status on Facebook (being a douchebag, as usual) and trying to convince my mother that I am not hungover (what can I say; I’m a multitasker), I just got some rather frightning news. Like Paris Hilton wants a child news. Or Kevin Federline was named father of the year news.

It appears that LiLo has a secret (well, not anymore) half sister!

Kristi Kaufmann, a former fling of Michael “I’m a Preacher” Lohan, is claiming that he is the father of her 13 year old daughter, Ashley. According to Kaufmann, she and Michael had a little tryst during (and after!) a short separation from Dina back in the day. Scandalous!

Michael has confirmed the validity of this claim, which - I imagine - can mean only one thing for this attention whoring family: another Lohan reality show!

I am just waiting to see:
A) How Mama Lohan responds to this
B) The I-Have-A-Sister-That-I-Didn’t-Know-About Bender Lindsay goes on
C) The hot mess this little 13 year old girl is going to become just being associated with the Lohan crew.

It has been so long since we’ve seen Lindsay Lohan in anything other than rehab/a bikini/a mugshot/the arms of her “girlfriend” that I sorta forgot she did anything else.

Yeah, it seems that Ms. Lohan was at one point an actress. Wait…now I remember. Mean Girls. I loved that movie! Oh man. Remember that part at the end when the girls are all sharing secrets and that girl was like, “Most people think I’m lying about being a virgin because I prefer jumbo tampons, but I can’t help it if I have a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!”

Ha! Classic.

But back to my point. Lindsay has returned to work! She has been spending a lot of time on the set of her new movie, Labor Pains, and the reps for the movie say that everything is going A-Ok. Last time I checked, no one in Hollywood would insure a Lohan movie because she’s so…er….she’s a hot mess. But, the peeps behind Labor Pains decided Lohan was a risk worth taking. According to People:

“We were a little bit reluctant to work with her,” Lati Grobman, one of the producers, tells PEOPLE. “But she’s been amazing. We took the chance. It’s good that we did. So far, so good.” Read More »

Last weekend when I was out enjoying an evening at the bar (read: getting wasted in honor of…well, in honor of being wasted), I spotted a group of girls in short tops and extra low jeans.

Needless to say, they weren’t the classiest ladies in the room. Even more needless to say, I got a nice view of each of the ladies’ underwear choices for the evening: thongs.

The girls didn’t even have to bend over or sit down for the thongs to say hello; they were just out. Silly me, I thought that the thong out of the jeans trend ended back in 2005, but apparently I was wrong.

I was also very, very drunk, so I did what I do best; I talked shit about these girls to my friends. And also may have gone up to the Thong Crew and asked them if they were trying to make a fashion statement or just look really, really slutty before being dragged out of the bar by the people I was with.

If only I had known that night about Shibue Couture; I could have actually offered some advice instead of potentially starting a bar brawl.

Read More »

A beauty regimen? Who needs one? Surely not my ‘messy bunned, bare faced, sweat-pant clad’ self who rolls out of bed, grabs a cup of Joe and is out to class in less than five minutes. Which- might I add-used to be sooo not me. Believe it or not pre-college and even during the summer months in between, I -gasp!- actually enjoy the getting ready process. I like the makeup, the lotions– the whole shebang. But post welcome week all my grooming habits are thrown out the window and the ‘me’ my mother would frown upon (ie- not very conducive to meeting the future Mr. ‘me’) comes out to play-er-study.

But alas- I have compiled a list of top ten products from body lotion to mascara that are the best of the best, will make you look/feel great, and best of all only requires that you hit the snooze button one less time.

Bliss Body Butter: this lotion is great because it comes in three different scents (I like the Naked because I wear perfume) and leaves your body so smooth no one will be able to tell if you shaved your legs or not.

Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer: this is great because you can rub it on with your fingers- it has SPF (an essential for our young skin) and is sheer enough for day but still gives great coverage. And did I mention it comes in oil free? Read More »

Was it just me or was life getting a bit boring sans Lilo?

Thank God she has busted out of her “intense medical detox facility in LA” according to TMZ and into Cirque (of Mary-Kate Olsen fame) in Utah.

Lindsay has been spotted white water rafting, going for a jog, even hitting the town for spray tans and a workout at Gold’s gym! Man, those Mormons sure know how to let LiLo loose!

But, if you think her stint in rehab seems like a walk in the park, think again.

Lindsay reportedly has two roommates (OMG worse than college!) and has to wash dishes, clean toilets and do her own laundry!

It’s like… REAL LIFE!

Maybe it’s a good thing, since Michael and Dina have officially divorced since Lindsay’s been hiding away in the wilderness. A dose of reality to kick your drug habit is all well and good, but it doesn’t matter if you’re 9 or 19 (or 21…), hearing that your parents are splitting up, well, sucks.

We all know the turmoil a divorce can cause on the children. Read More »

• The Pob has officially arrived in America.

• Lindsay Lohan’s career is officially over.

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• Lauren Conrad bares all… most.

• Ever wonder How to Buy and Sell Fake Handbags?

Anklets are the new black. In fact they are black, bulky and high tech enough to monitor your alcohol intake while strolling down Hollywood Blvd. Lindsay Lohan has chosen to sport hers with cut off jean shorts while prior trendsetters Michelle Rodriguez, Tracy Morgan and Eve have all worn a variety of red carpet ensembles framed around ankle bracelet chic.

After Lohan got into a drunken strung out car crash just a little over a month ago a gram of cocaine was found in her glove compartment finally affirming what everyone already knew: Lindsay Lohan does drugs. How convenient that an alcohol monitoring bracelet can in fact only detect alcohol
go figure.

But on the plus side for Lindz, it has no way to trace cocaine binges, ecstasy filled weekends or some top of the line gangah. Although not drinking keeps a belligerent Lindsay off the long and winding Hollywood roads she has now been let loose on the club scene once again but this time she really is holding a red bull.

Now 21 the former child star can’t seem to rid herself of scandal and intrigue. Read More »

I hope this report isn’t true. Not because I have any kind of personal connection to Blohan (my love for her sunk with her weight and disappeared completely after one two many bitchy interviews), but because if it is true, LL is officially lost and gone forever.

Star Magazine (not known for it’s hard hitting reporting) is claiming LiLo used Whip-its in rehab, mixing them with cold medicine and staying high until she was caught.

“At first, the counselors couldn’t figure out how she was getting high” Star repots, “but then they found the cold medicine and whippit containers under Lindsay’s bed. Lindsay admitted to using the stuff in group counseling meetings and said she was sorry.”

For those of you who didn’t grow up in middle class suburbia, Whip-its are nitrous oxide canisters that are commonly used for cooking and baking purposes. According to the Urban Dictionary, It is also the act of inhaling the nitrous oxide out of normal, household products like whipped cream cans. Read More »