Why does breaking up suck so much? No, I don’t mean the broken hearts, the swapping of past birthday / anniversary / Valentine’s gifts, or the empty void on his half of the bed. I mean, why does the actual act of breaking up suck so much?

You’re in a relationship. Obviously, there’s something compatible between you and your partner. But once the break-up hits, BAM! Everything changes. It’s very difficult to get back to the friendship level, if possible at all.

Breaking up doesn’t just mean you’ve lost a mate, but a really good friend as well. In fact, you’ve probably lost several friends, because now it’s taboo for either of your own friends to associate with the other’s ex. It could also mean you’ve lost a confidante, a study pal, a Guitar Hero partner (or the entire game, if it was his!), a personal chef, or whatever your now-ex used to do that made the relationship special.

It also means a definite disturbance in many, most, or all of your daily routines. Whether you called each other every day to talk through your commutes to school, or you were living together, suddenly, there’s something missing. And even if the break-up was necessary or inevitable, that void is a gaping hole in your life. That keeps getting bigger. And just won’t go away. Read More »

I have been in a relationship for over 4 1/4 years. I mean, with one guy.

That’s right: I have gone out with, made out with, slept with only one man since I was 19 (before that…well, let’s not go there). And we’ve lived together since I was 21.

I mean, it sounds kind of lame. One guy over and over for most of my adult formative years…how could I possibly have time to grow as a person? Easy–by following these simple (and unspoken) rules:

(1) Don’t merge personalities
You know those couples who are attached at the hip? Don’t be that couple.
First of all, everyone else hates them.
But, more importantly, it kind of limits your ability to become a person on your own terms. For sure, do lots of things together. But do some things apart, too. Don’t let either one of you have all the control in the relationship, and certainly don’t spend all of your time lounging on the couch and doing nothing year after year.
Frankly, those kinds of relationships end in breakup… or homicide. Read More »

Many years ago, I decided to make a major career change, and, oddly it was just when I finally began my career as a professor. At the same time, two life major events happened. First, my mother suddenly passed from away colon cancer – the deadliest of cancers. She was diagnosed and died three months later, marking the exact day of the doctor’s discovery.

On top of that, and, as the cliché goes, my big “3-0” was right around the corner. Like most vain woman, the mere thought of turning thirty made me frantic, and despite my youthful appearance (I was still lucky enough to be carded for cigarettes!), I was resigned to the idea that Botox would soon be part of my regular regime for maintaining my present natural beauty.

At least I could claim to be happily married, a rare gift that I possess to this day, so I knew there were other qualities besides my looks that I had going for me. And, despite my looks, I am not the most exciting lover. Nevertheless, I knew that my new job, that of being a junior professor, meant that I’d be drowning in more work than I had had previously.

I was in the first stages of becoming a young scholar, but given my mournful state, which was becoming an ever increasing strain on my personal life, I had serious doubts about this chosen career path. Up until that time I had always planned on becoming a scholar. After all, my own mother had been a leading scholar in feminist studies, and she had made it clear that I too was destined to become a professor, just like her. She was my goddess, so why would I have ever doubted this plan that she’d laid out for me? Read More »

I’m not sold on the idea of having a soulmate. And I’m not NOT sold on it, either. BUT, when a guy refers to me as his “soulmate”, am I out of line to think that he might well, you know, like me as more than a friend? Right. I totally agree. I would not be out of line to think that. So let me tell you a story.

Not all that long ago, I started a romantic fling with a guy who I kinda sorta knew. I wasn’t all that taken into him physically, but emotionally…I couldn’t help it. I mean, I tried not to be, but with every single conversation we had…he baited me with compliments and bathed me in pet names.

He made me mix cds, sent me flowers, wrote me songs, and made me paintings. All within the first three weeks. And I KNOW, this should be a bad sign. I KNOW, these kinds of things should take TIME to develop…but I can’t help it! I like to feel things right away! I’m intense and spontaneous, so maybe I deserve all of the nightmare that is to come with this story.

Anyway, I was under the impression that things were going pretty well. But then he would tell me about dates with other girls. And this was fine. Really, I mean I was, after all, still going on dates with other guys. But then would come the heavily emotional talks until 7am and then the DAYS without talking. The night after he told me that he thought I was his soulmate, we then went four full days without any contact whatsoever. Not even a text. Read More »

I am in love.

Well, sort of. This whole “love” thing tends to be a lusty daily occurrence anytime I see a man who is taller than me, has dark brooding eyes, sings, plays anything, or…cooks.

What can I say, I’m a lover.

Naturally when I stumbled upon The Amateur Gourmet’s site, the blogger turned FoodNetwork TV star, I was bitten by the smitten bug. To add to my profound love for this man, he created How-To’s like these:

How To Open A Wine When You Don’t Have A Corkscrew
How To Make Rice Pudding From Left Over Rice
How To Cure Hiccups

Obviously, he’s a man after my heart. Not to mention he’s full of wit, interesting blog posts AND RECIPES! (yippee)

Here’s one of my favorites for you all and I urge you to check him out!

PENNE WITH SPICY GOAT CHEESE AND HAZELNUT PESTO
(pasta is generally a food of choice for me because it’s simple): Read More »

I know, I know. Everyone is using their cell phone to date these days. Texting is totally 2007. It’s quick communication without the hassle of actually dealing with a voice on the other end.

But I hate it. Especially when it’s combined with dating.

Way back in the day, it was common practice for people to speak on the phone after a first date—or not. Either a duo chatted a few days later or someone decided to just “forget” to call, making it pretty obvious what the future held. A call meant “I like you, let’s go out again” no call meant “eh. You lost me at hello.”

But now, with the increased popularity of texting, people can walk the line and make everything 100 times more confusing. Sort of like the person but not sure if you really feel like going out again? Send a random, friendly text message. Cover your ass in case you bump into them on the street.

“You’re pretty cool and we should talk soon.”

That’s the gist of a text I received a few days ago after going out on a first date last weekend. But no phone call followed the text. Not even an email. Just some random, noncommittal, rated G words typed into a phone in the middle of the day. Read More »