So the other day I woke up at 7:30 in the morning to have a little date with a speculum. That’s right, ladies! A gyno appointment! Vajayjay invasion before most people were sitting in their cubicles! Nothing says good morning like lubed-up metal and poking fingers.

The only thing that was worse than realizing some lady in pink scrubs got more intimate with me than a dude has in months was realizing just how many months it’s been — and having to say it out loud. See, for us single gals, going for your annual pap is a big, giant reminder of your past transgressions…or lack thereof. Have you slept with too many losers? Haven’t slept with anyone since the last full moon? Were you so drunk you can’t really remember if you used a condom or not? And how about your pubes…when was the last time you shaved or waxed?

I mean, all of those questions and more are answered when a girl goes to the gyno, and the answers aren’t always awesome. For instance, I realized I’ve been without sexy time for enough months to basically compile a year, and when the doc asked me when me last sexual encounter was, I let out this weird half-laugh, half-moan and cut my celibacy in half. I was embarrassed to tell my gynecologist about my empty sex life! Who am I? Read More »

Let me broach this very touchy subject with the help of my friend, Mr. Extended Metaphor:

Think about your body as a complex system of roads (sexy, curvy roads).

It’s easier to take the normal route “home”, so to speak, than that scary, deserted back road. After all, you’ve never gone that way, you don’t know what to expect and what should happen, heaven forbid, if your car breaks down?

But what if this mysterious new path is wonderful? What if it gives you the single best drive home of your life? Or even just one or two fairly pleasant trips? It would be a shame to miss out on this lovely new view because of fear or misconceptions.

Misconceptions like: anal sex is only pleasurable to men and women do it only to please their male partners. In reality, the anus is filled with nerve endings and as is says in the Guide to Getting it On (yes, I own a copy), “It seems that the wall between the vagina and rectum may swell when the woman is sexually aroused. This wall might tug on the same verve that transmits vaginal orgasms to the brain.” In other words, women have anal sex for the same reason they have any other kinds of sex (well, ideally): because it feels good. Read More »

Andy Rooney, a super old guy who used to make movies and now just sits in an office and lets 60 Minutes totally take advantage of his oldness, recently ranted about how Americans are carrying “more stuff than they used to”.

The Duhness factor of his rant notwithstanding (I mean, what did people carry around in his day? Keys to a car they powered with their feet?), I decided to take a cue from Jezebel and go through my own purse to see if all the crap shoved inside was stuff I actually needed.

(This is a day when my bag is not splitting at the seems from carrying my giant, heavy laptop.)

1) Burt’s Bees hand cream: Totally needed. Since I can’t ever hold onto a pair of gloves longer than a week, my hands take a beating every winter. Unless I want the skin to rip off, I gotta moisturize at least twice a day.

2) Three tubes of Chapstick: Okay. Three might be an excessive number…but sometimes I want my lips fruity, other times I want serious moisture action, and every once in a while, a little instant caffeine. Read More »

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If you’re a scholar of Sex and the City like myself, you will automatically get the reference in the title. “Ah yes,” you will muse thoughtfully, “A goodie drawer.” This musing will be immediately followed by a naughty grin.

But, gasp, what if you don’t have such a drawer, a secret little niche of emergency condoms, astroglide, and perhaps a little vibe action? Don’t fret if you don’t have any of the crazy stuff (Come on, does anybody really need nipple clamps? Won’t pinching or perhaps a little nipping do the trick?) but you should at least have an assortment of condoms on hand. Guys can be forgetful oafs sometimes.

So if your goodie drawer is either non-existant, then today is the first day of the rest of your life. Point your browser to Babeland, the most non-sketchy sex toy superstore out there and start stocking up so you can start getting down in style.

The best part is that you don’t even have to endure the extreme awkwardness of comparing the benefits of Vibrator A to Vibrator B while some doting clerk looks on. Don’t know where to start? I’ve compiled you a little shopping list. Read More »