Something Old: I Heart Huckabees (2004)
Something New: The Happening (2008)
The Connection: Mark Wahlberg, a.k.a. Marky Mark, Funky Bunch ringleader and damn fine panty model

Mark Wahlberg is the sh*t. Born in the ghetto of Boston to a family of eleven, Wahlberg dropped out of school, did a bunch of drugs, got thrown in jail, was crazy ripped upon release, became a heartthrob rapper, modeled for Calvin Klein, started doing some acting, and now produces not one but two excellent award-winning television shows. Seriously, how rags-to-riches American dream can you be? Plus, he’s crazy hot.

I repeat, Mark Wahlberg is the sh*t. His new movie, The Happening, however, is not.

This is not Wahlberg’s fault. The Happening’s crappiness can be attributed 100% to the film’s writer and director, M. Night Shyamalan. Inspired by such cinema classics as The Birds and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Happening is the story of a mysterious disease (of sorts) spreading across the East Coast, causing the infected to become disoriented and commit suicide. People begin fleeing the urban areas where the outbreaks first occur and head to the country, only to find that they’re not safe anywhere. (Dun dun DUNNN!) Read More »

Tatum O’Neal pulls both the “Don’t you know who I am?” AND “I’m just researching a role” card

The Jezebels Liveblog the rather underwhelming MTV Movie Awards

Away Message Breakup

Any internet hackers out there want to grant my biggest wish and take this site down?

National Masturbation Month may have ended, but when has that ever stopped you before?

Radiohead may be right, but Prince is crazy. Plus he’s Prince. …Just give up now, RH.

All M. Night Shyamalan wants is for Hollywood to F*ck off. I just want M. Night to make a movie that doesn’t suck.

Read Nabokov on your lunch hour. Impress everyone

Shaken, not stirred.

Cameron and Diddy? Whatever.

That bitch wore my famous Nini Ricci expensive dress! I hope she dies.