Growing up, I always had a very large and disproportionate sense of my own dignity. I was not to be troubled by these impurities of the flesh; I buried my nose in books and ignored the swirling talk of the girls around me. When I hit puberty, I felt violated somehow, as if my body had betrayed me by being real after all, and being a major pain.

While other girls in my class talked easily about their experiences and commiserated about cramps, I was mortified by the whole experience and didn’t want to talk about it to anyone — not to parents, doctors, or friends. The whole business was just embarrassing and shouldn’t be mentioned except when absolutely necessary, I thought.

Only after years of getting older and wiser have I lost some of my adolescent self-consciousness and become comfortable telling someone when I have cramps (in case they haven’t guessed from me being doubled up on the floor). I still don’t have much tolerance for discussing sex, though. I don’t mind it when others talk, but I’d blush like mad to speak about it myself. So am I just a Puritan, or is there a place in the world for the bashful as well? Read More »

Okay, maybe “new” is not technically true. But hear me out.We all have that old once-loved pair of perfectly worn-in shoes that are still perfectly functional but are (a) out of fashion, (b) scratched up, or (c) both. Such shoes can often be found at the back of the closet, in hopes that their exteriors will suddenly heal and they will rise, phoenix-like, from the ashes of their fashion faux pas.

But there’s a solution! You can revamp them!

“That’s retarded,” you say. “I mean, yeah, I can take them to a tailor to get them revamped–if I want to spend $80.”

“Listen,” I reply, “for you are the one who is retarded–you can fix them up yourself!”

How? Two words: spray paint. Read More »

“So…how many people have you slept with?”

If someone asks you this question: get out now. Seriously, do not answer, do not pass go, just leave.

About a year or two ago, I decided to stop counting how many people I’ve had sex with. Have I lost count? No. In the back of my head I know exactly who I’ve slept with because, frankly, it hasn’t been that many guys. I just simply decided to stop thinking about my number, to stop talking about my number, and, most importantly, to stop worrying about my number.

And I think you should too.

Every day our bodies are the subject of judgment…from men, from the media, from other women…somewhere along the way it became their business to dictate what we do in our own sex lives. Our magazines tell us we should focus on how to please our man and how to look better naked (for the benefit of our man). We are constantly confronted with the virgin/whore complex—men want a girl who’s sexy, seductive and gives a killer blow job, but wait, she can’t be a slut. Men don’t want to date a slut. Bloggers like PerezHilton see a young actress with a new man, and she is labeled a whore, literally: the word is scrawled across her photograph. Read More »

Believe it or not, it’s actually not too difficult to make (and stick to!) a budget. You can make the most of your cash by simply figuring out how much you have and then deciding how much you can spend. Easy, right?

Start with income. Do you get an allowance? Have a part-time job? A scholarship that pays for living expenses? Calculate how much money you take in per month. Don’t forget to include your after-tax job income (you may make $8/hour, but some of that will be eaten up by taxes before you ever see it!) You may also be taking money each week out of your savings (from a Summer job for example), so calculate how much of that you can spend each week without going broke before May.

Now figure out how much you absolutely MUST spend each month–these are the essentials, like rent (if you pay rent, or housing fees), transportation, loan payments, etc. If you have a meal plan and never eat out, you can throw that in there as an essential expense. Once you see how much you have left, you’ll be able to decide how much you want to spend on groceries and how much you can afford to eat out. Read More »

The girls over at Jezebel have a well documented hatred of Lucky Magazine.

Among the accusations are that the magazine’s editors could really use a thesaurus (the words ‘elegant‘, ‘gorgeous‘ and ‘sophisticated‘ appear 8, 9 and 12 times respectively in January’s issue), that they insist on adding -y to the end of pretty much any word (retro-y really just means the same thing as retro, ladies…), and my own personal favorite, the abuse of the ‘_____ just screams _______ construction, i.e. “This little sun dress just screams French Riviera in June!”

Does it? Does it actually scream? I don’t want a screaming sun dress.

I think Jezebel is totally on-target here. The magazine is poorly written and shamelessly devoted to convincing women with average incomes to spend their hard-earned cash on overpriced items they don’t actually need. I t’s the embodiment of our consumer-driven culture–no love advice or human interest stories here, just pages and pages of things. Shiny pretty things with big big price tags.

So why do I love it so much? Read More »

Ever think that stars like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are just being big babies when it comes to complaining about all the attention they get? I mean, who wouldn’t be flattered that people want to constantly take pictures of them?

Well, to be honest, I can’t say that I’m entirely jealous of their lives, but for those who are, don’t worry, you can just buy your own paparazzi! No, seriously. This is an actual company, and for our celebrity obsessed culture, actually a pretty smart idea when you think about it.

Here’s how it works:

Read More »

This month’s issue of Self featured a quick and dirty outline of all of those catty characters you’re bound to encounter on a daily basis…especially this time of year.

Who are these girls? Well, after being grouped off into 4 categories, Self describes them as either The Critic, The Social Misfit, The Blowhard, and The Nosy Nellie. Sound familiar? Sound like –god forbid– you?

Well, here’s the rundown. Read and learn, friends, because nobody wants their personality to be reduced to a catchy phrase used by woman’s magazines.

The Critic - will put you down or insult you…no matter what. Passive-aggressivly of course.

How should you handle the most common kind of annoying girl? Try to remember what your parents always told you. This kind of bully-ish behavior probably stems from her lack of sensitivity and overabundance of negativity growing up, so ignore her.

You have nothing to do with her bitchyness so when she asks if you really need that extra cookie smile, say “yes” and eat it. Either she’ll get the hint…or be miserable. Hopefully miserable. Read More »

One of my good friends finished college. Three cheers for her, I say! Way to get it done in four years.

Last night, though, this same good friend also got engaged to her boyfriend of two years. Um. Congratulations?

Yeah, yeah, so they’re in love, whatever. I get it.

I was in love once. I never actually talked to the guy, but it was there. I’m still a little baffled by her annoucement of love and commitment at such a tender age as 22. Maybe it’s me, but a lot of the time, I still feel 14. I just have so much to learn about myself before I can conceive of taking the black - and - white plunge.

And before she started dating her boyfriend — oops, i mean her fiance — my friend was right there with me, braiding my hair in the photobooth with an economy bag of fun - size Snickers and a stack of trashy magazines.

Now, she has the Big Job, the Big Ring, the Big Life, and I’m wondering what to do with all these issues of Jane and feeling like I should take the training wheels of my bike. Read More »

I have to decided that today is National I Have Tons Of Confidence Day.

Why have I decided this? Because a lot of us need a jumpstart on that old self-image, and having an artificial holiday is one of the best ways to get that started.

Besides, naming random days is fun.

So if you happen to be one of the millions of women who want to grab Confidence by the horns (or balls, whichever) but aren’t sure exactly how to start, I’ve come up with a nice little promise we can make to ourselves:

“I (insert name here),

Hereby promise to make today a day full of confidence. I will make a special effort to treat myself with extra care and take time to realize I am awesome.

I will forget about pulling on my clothes when I walk down the street. They look great on me.

I will stop thinking everyone is starting at me because I look weird for some reason. I don’t look weird, and maybe that guy was checking me out in a good way! Read More »

We all know insipid magazines like Cosmo and Redbook give men the impression the women are all about “Impressing Them in Bed!” and “Finding That Position That Makes Our Orgasms Last for 78 Minutes!!” and “Shoes!!!”

But have you ever wondered what guy mags like Stuff and FHM say about us? One women thinks they teach dudes to objectify us.

How groundbreaking.

Rosie Boycott, a former editor for Esquire magazine and freelance journalist for the Daily Mail says that men’s magazines are becoming more and more sexually explicit, and the women allowing themselves to be photographed are partially responsible. Read More »