This was a strange week. Really strange.

“First my mom (and a whole bunch of old people) joined Facebook. Then I find out that women don’t orgasm during sex, TRL decides to close its doors, dudes like having sex when their lady is on the rag and Hugh Hefner lost one of his ladies to a magician?

Sarah Palin’s email was hacked into.
I had some plastic thing shoved into my baby maker.
My friend got a man and I got jealous.

Is it a full moon or something?

I definitely need a drink, but do I go to a house party for free booze, or the bar for a better scene? Or maybe I shouldn’t even get dolled up and stay home to bake a pie with rum instead.

Hm. The pie isn’t a good idea, especially since I only pretend to work out and I want to make sure to fit into some awesome new runway inspired duds. And maybe the bar isn’t a good idea either, considering the future of my wallet is totally unknown.

I’ll just have my boys pick up a 30 pack. Pure bliss.

In this episode, the Lohans FINALLY get to Vegas! They didn’t fly there in a private jet though, which I’m gonna admit was a bit of a let down (I expected some major control issues and perhaps Dina’s debut as a pilot), and there was no liquor fueled dramz. While the episode was age appropriately absent of hard booze, it was heavy on the whine.

For some reason, Ali chooses to adopt an even more nasally tone for this 25 minute tribute to ungratefulness. She complains in this obnoxious tantrum pending voice about all of the trials life has delivered to her. Like the fact that she, her awesome brother and (arguably) cool mom have to live in a tricked out penthouse at the Palms while she records her album. I guess it gets pretty taxing when you’re attending all of these exhausting “Welcome to Vegas!” parties (with delicious looking cake) thrown just for you by the f*#king Maloufs.

Ugh, sorry about that. Anyways, Dina introduces Ali (who is wearing a gorgeous but way too mature minidress) to a bunch of important 30 something guys that she wants Ali to “get comfortable with.” Dina baby, they’re mentally undressing your 14 year old — not very comfort inducing, I would say. The men all flirt with Ali while she fidgets, present her the aforementioned cake (note to self, go buy something with chocolate as soon as I’m done writing) and begin an episode long tradition of complimenting Ali and promising her she’s the next big thing. Read More »

I know, I know, I missed episode ten. I guess that a Thing went home for what I presume was banging her ex like five minutes before she got to the house. Onward…

Oh, so I also missed the first twenty minutes of this episode, but I’m sick so please cut me some slack. I tune in to see that Flav and Black are on a date at the Foundry and Flav’s pink suit and matching clock are P.I.M.P.

Why is there a magician at dinner? And a couch in the room? Flav is asking Black about her family and it looks like I missed a lot by skipping the first twenty minutes.

Thing 2 is the thing that stayed and we see her getting dessert ready for Flav so that she can steal some of Black’s night cap time. Flav is impressed with T2’s effort and ditches Black for some pudding and kiss time on the gazebo. T2 tells Flav that this first time alone with him is like losing her virginity again. Um, so it’s uncomfortable, awkward and really disappointing? Read More »

Does anything this guy does shock anyone anymore??

David Copperfield, cheesy magician extraordinaire and island owner, can now add two more titles to his resume; possible rapist and certifiably crazy guy.

A Seattle woman is claiming Copperfield raped her in the Bahamas (perhaps on one of the 5 private islands he currently owns?), and last Thursday, FBI officials searched Copperfield’s Last Vegas warehouse of tricks in connection with the claim.

The magician’s attorney explained to Fox News that his client is aware of the charges, stating, “unfortunately false allegations are all too often made against famous individuals” and going on to say both he and Copperfield are “confident” everything will “conclude favorably.”

There’s something else Copperfield is confident about, however, that makes me wonder just how sane he actually is. Aside from being confident that he’s not going to jail for rape, the wacky magician is also confident that he’s found the Fountain of Youth on one of his tropical islands.

“I’ve discovered a true phenomenon,” Copperfield told Reuters last August. “You can take dead leaves, they come in contact with the water, they become full of life again. … Bugs or insects that are near death, come in contact with the water, they’ll fly away. It’s an amazing thing, very, very exciting.”

Finding the Fountain of Youth is certainly something a guy should be congratulated on—that is, if the damn thing was actually plausible. Read More »