Days as a Freshman: 102
Mood: Stunned

“So, your Thanksgiving break was okay?” I did my best to keep in step with Rebecca, trying to match her quick, clipped pace. We had driven off campus for a little early holiday shopping, hitting the mall in the afternoon in hopes of short lines and empty stores.

“It was fine.” Rebecca kept walking like she was in some kind of Olympic trial, looking straight ahead, focused on the large department store in front of us. “I want to look in here. For my brother. He needs some shirts.”

I was aware the Rebecca’s brother was in Iraq, and aware that it had been a strained Thanksgiving without him, but beside a few single-syllable answers about the whole event, Rebecca had been uncharacteristically tight lipped about her break.

“Is he doing okay? Your brother…?” We stepped into the harsh florescent of the department store and kept speed walking towards the men’s section.

“He was the last time I talked to him. Which was for five minutes before my dad grabbed the phone and my mom started crying.” Her long hair hid her expression, but the tone of her voice said it all; Rebecca and her family had issues. Read More »

How do you know when the world has gone too PC?When someone puts Santa on a diet.

In a shopping center near Dartford, England, Mall Santas are being put through a “month long boot camp” to help them lose weight before the Holiday season bombards their laps with little kids.

“There’s nothing wrong with Santa being the size that he is,” explains property manager Tim Holland, “we just want him to have a modern day makeover to reflect the realistic demands of being the world’s most renowned delivery man.”

Throughout November, shoppers have been able to watch 12 commissioned Santas put through the wringer by a personal trainer. While this Santa slim-down screams marketing ploy! to me, a spokeswoman from the British Heart Foundation claims “Creating a 21st Century Santa is an innovative idea encouraging children and adults to get into better shape.” Read More »

So, has anyone else noticed that dolls are getting really slutty?

First, the world had to deal with Bratz. Strange, big headed dolls with too much make-up and really skanky outfits. Dolls that—as far as I can tell—are totally aimed at creating 4th grade fashion disasters.

Besides making it seem cool to be so skinny your head looks like a watermelon, Bratz embody insipidness, sluttiness, and vapidness, limiting girls’ imaginations to taking their dolls to the “mall”, buying their dolls “stuff”, and seeing how many times their doll is mistaken for a hooker on the doll sidewalk.

Gone are the days when girls would be satisfied with a long, frilly pink dress for their dolls. Gone are the innocent one-piece bathing suits and “career” outfits. Now, thigh high stockings, tiny shirts, and skirts so short you can totally almost see plastic doll butt are all the rage.

Illustrating this disgusting theory even further is Barbie’s—or rather, Mattell’s—answer to the Bratz dynasty: My Scene Barbie. Read More »