Now, not to brag or anything, but my mama raised me right. I was always taught to say Please and Thank you, excuse myself from the dinner table before getting up to do homework (alright, who am I kidding? It was more to watch MTV, write angsty poetry and/or try to sneak smoking cigarettes out of my basement window) and I always had to be polite. To everybody. Friends, neighbors, strangers, that disgusting kid with bad breath and UFO pants that sat next to me on the bus – everybody.

I don’t blame her for wanting me to grow up (not-so) tall and grow up right, but over the years I have found myself in a plethora of situations that have crossed that fine line between being polite and looking like a complete f!@#$cking pushover (sorry for the swear word, Mom!).

I’m the girl who will let you copy her notes from the entire semester before the final without asking for a single thing in return. I’m the girl who will pick you up from some random, I-swear-he-was-so-much-hotter-last-night guy’s house the morning after– even if we’ve only met twice. I’m the girl who will buy you beer (which includes picking it up and dropping it off at your doorstep) for the fourth time in a week and not mention the fact that you stiffed me about ten dollars.

And I’m the girl who – no matter how hard I try – can not for the life of me tell my douchebag ex-boyfriend to f@#ck off – and that NO, he can not completely plagiarize my paper from last semester even though I am, obviously, an amazing writer with an impeccable way with words.

Basically, I need to grow some balls. Read More »

• If your ringtone is going to be an orgasm (ugh, totally lame), turn it off before you are in the midst of a courtroom. Manners, people! (news.com.au)

• London residents panic over chemical spill…I mean, 5-alarm chili! Literally. (timesonline.co.uk)

• Alabama woman: “My motto has been they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand. I refuse to give up.” Haven’t we all thought that at some point? (TBO.com)

• Father makes 6 year old son chug a beer. Hilarity does not ensue. (tbo.com)

• An Alabama couple celebrates their 80th wedding anniversary. “After all these years,” he said, “I still enjoy being with her.” Does this give us hope or does it make us morbidly depressed? I’m going with depressed. (sfgate.com)

• Ditzy cheerleader bloopers are always a great way to wake up in the morning. (COED Magazine)

Welcome to my new weekly rant. There are too many things we encounter in our every day routines that in reality, if we all quit doing them, would make life a whole let better. Then I wouldn’t walk around all the time rolling my eyes and thinking (often times out loud): “Puh-lease is that really necessary?” (Hence the title of my column)

So each week I will feature something new that we really could all live without. Consider it a lesson in public manners. Your mother will thank me… and you should too.

This week: People who talk (often way to loudly) on their cell phones while at the gym.

Okay people are we for serious here? How am I supposed to lip-synch along with Umbrella-ella-ella if all I hear coming through my headphones OVER my music is:

“No way!! She did? Wow well Jenny got that top two months ago”.

Seriously people, if you can talk that fast while on the elliptical, you probably aren’t exerting your maximum workout potential. So why even bother? Save yourself some energy and go gab with that friend on the other end of the phone over a big brownie sundae. Leave me to workout in peace.

Really I simply don’t get it. You workout for what, like mayyybe an hour a day and you can’t stay away from your cell phone? Read More »