Ryan and Rachel back together?  Good for them…sniff…

Pamela Anderson don’t speak well

He loves his manscara

Pants Off Dance Off makes religious people mad

Auction of your virginity?  On the radio?? WHY NOT?

SMU tells cheerleader to stop moving

Holistic waist shrinking

Anne Hathaway has nowhere to live

Let other people win your argument for you

Weird Celeb VMA demands

A bad economey = more cheaters?

So, my boyfriend Mario Lopez–jealous much?–was recently named People Magazine’s Hottest Bachelor of 2008. The dude is like a fine wine which only gets better with age…that I also want to have sex with. Anyway, it got me thinking—who are the top five former teen heartthrobs that time has not been as kind to?

5. Mike Lookinland

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby—you were so freaking adorable on “The Brady Bunch,” so WTF happened? Your big bro Peter marries America’s Next Top Model and this is how you carry on the family tradition? Sure you didn’t get “a lot” of camera time during the show, but it was because you were so cute that the producers had no idea what kind of shenanigans to throw you into; they didn’t want to risk a single frown line on your perfect little punum. Read More »

Hottie of the Week
I can’t believe that I’m going to say this – but if you forget the infidelity and the fact that he probably gets his hair Japanese straightened, Mario Lopez has a smokin’ body.

Song of the week
Katy Perry, “I Kissed a Girl”.
I hate this song.

Freak Show
Verne Troyer/Mini-Me sex tape. Why don’t they just pour acid on our eyes?

Am I the only one who thinks that Jennifer Lopez would be absolutely frightening if you pissed her off even just a tiny bit? FYI, you may get the store discount if you ask nicely and don’t have your bodyguard show a gun to the shop girl. Read More »

Don’t get me wrong, I used to be the biggest A.C. Slater fan ever. My 8-year-old self was madly in love with his chiseled abs, buff arms, and trouble-making personality. I never did understand what he saw in that goody-two-shoes, Jessie Spano. I knew he could do better than her. People magazine agreed. Mario Lopez has been named People Magazine’s Hottest Bachelor of 2008.

People got a few things horribly wrong on their list. It is obvious that someone (or everyone) in the office was on the hippie hash when this list was being made. I mean, what ever happened to the good old days of George Clooney and Justin Timberlake? Not on the list this year. No, my friends. 2008’s list included these people: Read More »

Is a ladder more likely to fall on you today?

Lucky Jeans is having a huge SALE.

A Stop Lossed soldier answers your questions

A.C Slater strikes again!

There will be NO CHEERING at this graduation. Got me??

Everyone at Grey’s is pissed off at Heigl. I’m pissed off that the show has slowly succumbed to boring-and-lame-itus

You know that guy who randomly Facebooked you? Yeah. He might be a monkey.

Happy Father’s day, you CREEPY Dads, you!

BritBrit gets an Emmy?! I’ll throw my TV out the window first…

Class of 2008, here’s some real graduation advice 

Mario Lopez recently told People Magazine (you know, the magazine that pimps out celebrity baby pictures while unknowingly kicking itself in the ass by illustrating that every baby in this world LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME and is in no way worth 5 million dollars) what his “Dream Girl” would consist of.

Just weeks after splitting up with gf Karina Smirnoff and already casting his net via tabloids, the once and future A.C. Slater tried to make it seem like he wanted the type of girl every guy wants. Good thing I speak Douchebag and can translate the actual meaning of his words.

What He Told People Mag:
“I’m a pretty low-maintenance kind of guy,”

What He Meant:
“Commitment is high maintenance. I’m the opposite of that.”

What He Told People Mag:
“I’d like to be with someone who is secure with themselves. She has to understand that I have a lot going on and I’m busy.”

What He Meant:
“I’d like to be with someone who is so self-centered she doesn’t realize when I’m not at home and that I might be cheating on her while I do all my ‘stuff’. I have to host America’s Best Dance Crew and dance around outrageously on the Broadway stage, okay? I’m busy.”

What He Told People Mag:
“I’d like someone who has their own thing going on – their own ‘passion,’ whatever it is.”

What He Meant:
“She can’t want to steal my passion. Stealing other people’s passion and making it your own is totally not cool.” Read More »

Fergie’s take on the “Sex and the City” theme song

A room full of people and nobody said a word

Barack from the dead!

How to make your own Judd Apatow movie

You’re invited to the first frat party

You know, I’m still on the fence about Paula’s credibility

I would like to marry Mario Lopez, please

In the market for a Sex Chair?

I am so going to ROFLCon

Glad to see Lindsay is back to her old ways

Barack-y: Watch out, Stallone

Yo, Amy Poehler: will you be my baby mama?

Can’t say that I would pay for a butt facial

Top 5 candidates to be Velvet Revolver’s new frontman

The Madden brothers are Paris and Nicole’s BFF necklaces

Whoa! Ashlee’s new single isn’t too shabby!

Happy Earth Day, for you shopping fanatics

And yet I’m still attracted to Dave Navarro

I can’t be the only space nerd out there

So I’m one of those people who doesn’t feel guilty when I don’t give homeless people change. I can walk around with quarters jingling in every pocket, and they can follow me around salivating like Pavlov’s dog, and I’ll keep on talking or singing or counting squirrels without a second look. Now I’m not insensitive, I’ve just become de-sensitized. Even the girl with the bag pipes in the Public Garden and the guy with the banjo at Park Street have become nothing more than background music to whatever I happen to be thinking at the time.

Enter Status Quo.

Over the years I’ve learned I can’t dance. I can drink until I wake up in a toilet bowl, but I can’t even find rhythm there. When I first saw the ads for Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew on MTV, I put some T-Pain on iTunes, marked my calendar and waited to experience something as foreign as mud puddle mattress surfing.

And then I saw them. Status Quo. During the live casting episode, as Mario Lopez introduced the East Coast representatives, shots of Beacon Hill and Boston Common flashed across the screen. Six kids jumping and flipping off benches, and I knew those benches, and wait–I knew those kids. Read More »