I know that we’re totally Olympic-ed out over here at CC, but I wanted to draw your attention to a story that would surely win the gold in the Embarrassment and I-Am-F*cked-For-Life events: ‘Craiglist Encounter Lands Couple in Jail‘

What happened with this little encounter that caused it to score such high points? Well, apparently, a homeless lady in Oregon City, OR was trying to innocently “pitch a tent” (who uses that saying with a straight face anymore?) when she came across what she thought was a rape in progress (a man looked to be “sexually assaulting a bound and naked woman”). The homeless lady got the cops involved, they came to save the victim, but ended up doing nothing more than breaking up a consensual fantasy that was being acted out by two people who had met over Craigslist.

Upon seeing the law approaching, the man and the woman fled (I always thought it would be hard to flee when one is bound and gagged, but whatev), and once they were caught, explained to the cops that the reason they ran is because the dude involved in the awkward public rape fantasy…was married.

I give his wife a 9.9 for picking such a fine specimen of the male race.

Picture for a moment your wedding day. No, scratch that. Picture the day after your wedding. You know, otherwise known as day #1 of your marriage. And most likely, day #1 of your honeymoon. Private beach in the Caribbean? Or perhaps romantic travels through Europe? No? You want to stay a bit more local? I mean, the coast of Maine is pretty nice in the summer. Oh. Closer?

Ashlee and Pete Wentz (yes, now legally married, she changed her name) wanted to stay close to home for their honeymoon. So close, in fact, they didn’t even want to leave their house.

But you can’t honeymoon in the same rooms you inhabit 24/7, so they switched it up a little. And went down to the basement. That’s right. After their Alice in Wonderland themed wedding, Ashlee and Pete are honeymooning in their basement.

But don’t worry; their basement probably isn’t as dark and dingy as the basement you’re imagining. After all, they do have blow-up palm trees and a fake-n-bake tanning booth. And for their romantic honeymoon dinners, they’re eating DiGiorno’s pizza. At least when they decide their honeymoon’s over, they’ll look like they’re fresh from the beach compliments of their tanning booth. Read More »

It seems like everyone’s parents are divorced, and every time someone finds out that my parents are still married after 26 years, they act like my family is weird.

Masses of my friends who come from a ’split’ family love to assume that my family is NOT split simply because my parents are still married. Boyfriends assume that because I have parents that are still married that I too must want to get married.

Well, not only do I not want to get married, but I wouldn’t be surprised if watching my parents all of these years has played a role in that choice.

Sure, they’ve been together for a long time. They’ve stuck it out through thick and thin: cheating, emotional abuse, money problems…you name it. But they don’t make me want to get married.

They’re apocalyptically wrong for each other, first of all, and they’ve stuck this thing out because they believe that staying married is a religious duty. EVEN THOUGH they were both married and divorced before meeting each other. Read More »

Again, I saw the end well before I saw the beginning.

It’s a brand new day in the house and Hotlanta gets a call telling her that she’s going to be evicted. Dude, pay your rent – don’t use the cash to go on a reality show.

The challenge for this episode is ridiculous – like more so than usual. Flav wants to get married one day and he’s going to see if any of these girls are marriage material. Three teams of – I don’t know what they are doing. One’s a bride, another is a maid of honor and another writes an objection for another team. Why?

Hotlanta drinks to prep, as would I. Who donated the gowns for this mess?

Flav looks as bizarre as one would expect him to look for his own wedding. Tree objects to Black’s marriage to Flav in the most insane dramatical manner. Total man.

Hotlanta gets married while drunk. Sinceer objects and then there’s a commercial break.

And I missed stuff because I switched to MTV and found a “True Life” about a kid who wants to be a tap dancer – when I switched back, I missed the objection and Thing 2 is marrying Flav. Proto-type objects saying that Thing 2 didn’t know that his real name is William Drayton. Seriously? Read More »

Adnan Ghalib. Britney’s maybe-maybe not-boyfriend.

I know he’s not really worth talking about, considering the fact that he’s selling his story before it’s even dry to national TV and is supposedly married. But I just can’t help myself. I must write this. I must purge this thought from my soul:

Adnan Ghalib has a landing strip on his face!!

Why has no one talked about this?! Why has no gossip blog explored the deep, cavernous chasm that is Ghalib’s utter ridiculousness? I mean, a thirty-five year old man who chases celebrities for a living? Who wears skull belts?! Who has / had a relationship with dirty, crazy Britney Spears?! Who proudly sports spiked hair a la 1998? WHO HAS A LANDING STRIP ON HIS FACE?!?

Whew.

Okay. I feel better now. Like a little bit of evil has just left my body.

I’ve officially entered a stage in my life that I didn’t think would come for another five years at least—-the “everyone I know is getting married and I’m their token single spinster-with-cats friend” stage.

And when I say everyone is getting married, I really mean everyone. The high school sweethearts from your freshman year math class. Your slutty friend who met her fiancé at a rave, high on E. Your crazy divorcee aunt who’s on her fifth marriage—sixth if you count the annulment after that weekend in Vegas.

The other day I read an article that really put the icing on the wedding cake. Apparently, two strangers who once posed together as a couple getting married for a hotel’s brochure are now actually getting married. The couple, Amanda Semmence and Kieron Dudley, who were hotel employees at the time, fell for each other during the photo shoot and are getting married for real and holding the reception in that same hotel. Read More »

Because every good show on TV ended about 6 weeks ago, I have been in a TV drought. If it weren’t for my DVR recording old episodes of 90210 when I am at work, I would have nothing to watch after a long day at the office. And since I am boring and old, my life revolves around TV.

Thank God, then, for my peeps over at MTV for bringing back only the best show of all time: Engaged and Underage. I have been waiting months for its return and tonight’s show reminded me of everything I was missing. I am still shaking from the excitement of it all.

For those of you who are not familiar with the show (and you should be ashamed of yourselves for missing this gem of quality programming), Engaged and Underage is another brilliant reality series on MTV that trails young couples on their way to marital bliss. Some are super religious teens who just want to get laid, some are young moms looking to cleanse their souls and still others are naïve kids thinking that marriage is better than one-night stands and walks of shame.

In the end it doesn’t matter; they are all making HUGE mistakes. Read More »