I’m smart, and I know about politics. I know who Barack Obama and John McCain should have picked for their vice presidential candidates. I know this because I’m a genius.

Who Obama Should Have Picked

Flavor Flav
Obama’s shown that he has the quick charisma, intelligent flow and moves to be head MC of famed “conscious” rap crew Wyyte-Houzz and M-RIKA, but even the greatest mic rocker can only work the crowd so much. What Obama needs is a dedicated hype man, a man who can properly rep his skills without grabbing too much of the limelight - a man like former Public Enemy member and all-around gentleman Flavor Flav. Sure, it’s a heavy weight to carry around one’s neck, but Flav is used to it.

Paris Hilton
John McCain gets panned for being “too establishment”, “too Bushie”, and too conservative in general. But McCain was quite the Nostradamus, I think, when he highlighted Paris Hilton as an upcoming power player in the field of American politics. What makes her such a compelling choice? She has absolutely no platform. She’s completely Teflon. What are you going to disagree with? Taking McCain’s lead, I predict a future where President Obama will not only give Hilton the vice presidency but will make the Secretary of Defense a ham sandwich. Have you ever won an argument about nuclear policy with a ham sandwich? Neither have I.

A full-length mirror
Really, would anyone else do a better job? Obama may have to bulk up a bit for his reflective debut, since seeing his skinny butt all the time might give him body image issues, but otherwise a mirror image of Obama would be the perfect veep. He’d be harder to assassinate. He could double-team enemy politicians on the basketball court. He’d even pin down that right-handed constituency that’s been eluding him this whole time. Better yet, American citizens would no longer have to worry that the leader of the free world is a vampire. Unless he is. But better to find out now, instead of over Mr. Putin’s pale, bloodless corpse. Read More »

Bristol Palin’s babydaddy might be a McConaughey

Movie trailers will never sound the same again.  Sigh.

Keep the Fresh 15 at bay!  Rev up that metabolism

Amy Winehouse = brain damage

Diddy ain’t happy about McCain’s VP

Even Madonna’s good face scares me

Middle-aged white guy sues Columbia for hating men

Ah yes, swiping the old V-card

Addiction does discriminate

Say what during sex?!

Lindsay Lohan blogs political

In case your first days back to campus have left you too shell shocked to turn on the news, let me inform you that the biggest thing to hit the media in the last two days besides hurricane Gustav is the fact that Sarah Palin’s 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is pregnant.

The McCain camp is claiming they came out with the news because people all over the web were speculating (for some reason) that Palin’s newborn son was actually Bristol’s baby…and Palin was covering up some kind of horrible scandal. In an attempt to quiet people down, however, McPalin have only blown on the embers of the political rumor mill.

Now, it’s pretty obvious that some of us at CC are wary of Creationist and polar-bear-ignoring Palin, but after hearing report upon report about how a 17-year-old unwed mother spells trouble for the highly conservative Republican ticket, I can’t help but feel conflicted.  When it comes to going after Palin and her family; is all fair in love and politics?

Last night, Obama was quoted as saying “People’s families are off limits,” and from a personal stand point, I agree with him.  But in an age where we know the gritty details of celebrity love triangles and weight battles, isn’t it kind of naive to think that the media would leave Washington’s most famous alone? Read More »

As I continue to try and wrap my head around Sarah Palin, the GOP’s newest Vice Presidential pick (”a woman making strides toward the white house, good!”, “a woman who thinks the government has the right to tell her what her reproductive rights are, bad!”), a few wayward comments flying around the internet and media have gotten me really confused.  According to sources, Palin is on record stating that global warming is not man made, and that polar bears aren’t endangered

…What?

“A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location.” Palin stated as early as a few weeks ago to a conservative magazine for it’s September issue. “I’m not one though who would attribute it to being man-made.”

As a moderate liberal, I can often support Republicans and Independents, as long as I believe their brain is in the right place. The thing is…denying humans have anything to do with global warming, and working to keep polar bears off the endangered list goes beyond politics and veers into …well…complete and utter wrongness. Read More »

If you are reading this it means that you are still alive. Congrats on surviving another (or your first!) Welcome Week! Don’t worry; those bruises will be long gone by Parent Weekend.

It’s been a great week and we at CC Headquarters have been quite busy while all of you lucky ladies are out enjoying your last week of freedom. After all, who else was going to guide the young, innocent incoming freshmen?

Without us, they never would have known how to deal with difficult roommates, how to tell if a prof was good, how to break the ice with strangers, how to cook when all they have is a mini fridge and hotpot, what to wear to the first day of class, how to handle all the weirdness of college, and the rest of the shiz that makes up college life.

And if we were out getting our drink on, who would have taught you all you need to know about condoms? Or why you maybe shouldn’t have drunk sex?

We are like guardian angels over here. Where are our wings, damnit?

It’s amazing we even had time to catch the Democratic National Convention, or find out who McCain chose as his VP.

And now it’s over, along with our sweet, sweet summer.

Have a great Labor Day Weekend!

A growing sense of disdain for Dubya didn’t cut it. Being able to register at the DMV just didn’t do the trick either. P. Diddy couldn’t get us to do it, for Christ’s sake. So just what will it take to seriously win the youth vote? We are, after all, 20 million strong and dammit we deserve to be wooed!

I, for one, would like to see an increase in, shall we say, “game” from candidates both blue and red. McCain, obviously, has taken a step toward this lofty goal by recruiting the support of one of our high holy leaders. Sorry, Obama, that you have neglected to secure such a prestigious pledge of loyalty from the chosen generation (us, duh) but feel free to borrow any of these gems that I think would increase voter turnout for those of the youthful persuasion. You see gentlemen, the key to our hearts is to manipulate our basic dependence upon the following:

Natty Lite
Slap some platform positions on the back of those bad boys and cover up the saddening nutrition facts–we don’t need to see that anyways. I consider this a double-edged sword. Not only would the important issues be readily at hand (provided you go coozie-less), but additionally, voters can appreciate the conversational lubrication that is cheap beer. As inspiring as 4.2% alcohol can be to philosophical convos (if you drink, don’t EVEN pretend you’ve never been there post bar crawl!) that stuff takes a while to imbibe, making those discussions last just a wee bit longer. Now that a pseudo intellectual discush has gone down, both candidates have enjoyed spirited (literally) debate over their issues that should inspire sober consideration come November. Read More »

It’s time for the news with Kandy Korrespondent!

Well as the national presidential race gets into full swing it seems that the Iraq war will once again take center stage. (suprise suprise right?) Both candidates have been skipping around the issue in recent months– hinting that they would do things differently, would have to respond to the situation, make calculated decisions, etc.

Tuesday was no exception.

Barack Obama told a group at the International Trade Center in Washington, DC that the US government’s preoccupation with Iraq must come to an end.

Obama: “This war diminishes our security, our standing in the world, our military, our economy, and the resources that we need to confront the challenges of the 21st Century.”

This is a great statement. It speaks of the challenges of the 21st century as more important that our petty war. Peace and Prosperity Baby!

But can he really deliver or is this just a sound bite? Read More »

Has Lindsay Lohan turned Miley Cyrus into a promiscuous devil child?

Perez 1, McCain, 0

Those Real World kids continue to make our generation look like idiot douchebags

Early reviews of Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight: Fabulous and Frightening

What if dudes didn’t exist?

A cross wearing Bible-thumper…dealbreaker?

Jay-Z likes his watermelons to look like Beyonce’s …well…melons

I will never put my dog on Prozac. End of story

Sleeping around via Cragislist

Dear New Yorker: That cover was stupid. Just admit it

Kayne is so mad, he’s going to break his Macbook Air

Maybe McCain will dance to Rihanna...that would be true MTV style

Agyness and Albert: so Hipster it hurts

Chandlor Kumnog is all attitude, baby

A moving skyscraper is a superb way to spend millions of dollars, Dubai

You’re bored. So play with Schick avatars (don’t be ashamed. We all do it)

Did you write this love letter?

Mexico has more to offer Americans than pinatas

I HEART this show…and their advertising techniques

What’s playing on Obama’s iPod? (hint - rhymes with Nob Nillon)