If my life was a movie, I’d look jaw-dropping-hot in a little black dress, and every college hook-up would involve a Freddie Prinze, Jr. lookalike leaning in for a kiss, while Six Pence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me” plays in the background. But, since my life is not She’s All That, my spit-swapping stories involve a lot of liquor, and a lot of regrets. There’s a Now! That’s What I Call Music CD out there with Aaron Carter’s “Aaron’s Party (Come Get It)” on the track listing. I know this because it made up the soundtrack of a one night stand a few years ago. Yeah, that’s how my sex life goes down.

Life doesn’t come equipped with an orchestra. If your sexcapades, like your iTunes, are on shuffle, here are a few songs you probably don’t want on your playlist.

1. “Dat Baby”–Shawty Putt feat. Lil Jon

With a chorus of “Dat baby don’t look like me,” and an opening line, “Dat baby ain’t mine… I’m sorry, bitch you heard Maury,” this jam is an instant libido-killer. The last thing a guy wants to hear as he’s sliding into home base is “You are NOT the father!” Sure, you’re using protection, but condoms aren’t 100% effective…paternity tests, on the other hand, don’t lie. Besides, no woman wants to find out that her cute college hookup won’t take responsibility if an accident does happen. Read More »

Researchers in the UK have determined that women prefer men with facial stubble, whom they view as “tough, mature, aggressive, dominant and masculine - and as the best romantic partners, either for a fling or a long-term relationship”.

Research Psychologists at Northumbria University used computer technology to alter the photos of men’s faces to reflect different stages of facial hair- clean-shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, light beard and full beard.

The study goes on to state: “In desirability for a short-term relationship, a female preference for male faces with stubble or light beard was found, with clean-shaven and fully bearded faces being the least preferred.” (Editor’s Note: I do love me a 5 o’clock shadow, except when it leaves me with red, irritated skin after a long, steamy makeout sesh.) Read More »

I sing of the Glorious Man Pelt, the shiny waves of hair that cascade from a man’s head, his chest, his arms, his legs, his ass, his bac—well, maybe not his back. And maybe not so much on his ass that I’m gonna have to spray No More Tangles on it.

I just need enough that when I’m wrapped around said man in passionate or casual embrace that he really and truly feels like a man and not a ken doll. For all the sexual response they garner from me, hairless men could just as well have Ken’s reproductive situation, if you catch my drift.

I’m not asking for a skunk ape here, I’m merely stating that I think men should retain a certain amount of that thing that is so inherently masculine.

That being said, I understand that many women—dare I say, the majority?—do not share my enthusiastic affinity for a lot of hair on men and I’m willing to chalk it up to taste to a certain degree. But for the life of me, I can’t understand why so many men feel it necessary to shave things like their forearms, or their legs, or, heaven forbid, their chests.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a proponent of trimming, especially in the bathing suit region, and I understand the practicality of shaving one’s beard so kissing doesn’t become the battle of the brilloface. I will even concede that mustaches, goatees and other forms of facial hair have not been attractive since, well, ever. And many men who are in to swimming, biking, or running like to shave to make themselves, I guess, faster (more aerodynamic?)

But no hair? Anywhere? I just don’t get it. Read More »

Remember those days when men ached to read the latest issue of Details, have nice haircuts and unshaven faces? Buckle up because the days of straight boy metrosexuality are over!

Boys across the country are laying down their razors and fighting back against metrosexual revolution. It’s back to feeling like we’re kissing mom’s sewing needles.

If you were dating during that small window of metrosexual history, you will remember the trend wasn’t so bad. Did we really mind looking into those faces with trimmed eyebrows and smooth chins? Hell no! Now guys are proud to show their man mess in the face area. Read More »

Girls have been begging me for years to take the plunge.

My ex used to tell me, “I see guys in there all the time… it’s so not a big deal.” And my response has always been the same: “show me one guy that I know, or even one guy who’s even remotely like me that goes in there, and if they tell me it’s not a big deal, then I’ll do it.”

I’ve still never received that confirmation, and I still don’t know any other guy who’s ever done it, but I nevertheless decided yesterday that it was time to suck it up and get it over with.

And so…I got a pedicure.

Most of you reading this probably don’t think this is a big deal at all, but I assure you, it is. Think about it… outside of New York City, Los Angeles, and Miami, how many of you actually know a straight guy who is NOT a metrosexual and yet still gets pedicures? Not many of you. Maybe most guys just don’t know any better and still assume that the overall point to getting the pedi is getting your nails painted, but for whatever reason, the serious stigma continues to exist that getting a pedicure somehow shows a sign of homosexuality.

However, I’m here to let everyone know (and girls, you certainly have my permission to show this article to your nappy-footed boyfriends) that getting a pedicure really isn’t a big deal at all. Read More »