Makeup is fun. With makeup I can make myself look like anything I want. I can glam myself up, or play out a more natural look. I can turn myself into a sex kitten, or an innocent girl next door.

But it has taken years and years of trial and error to know what looks good on my face and what makes me look like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. Looking back I’ve had some pretty disastrous makeup moments that I have comprised into my top 5 makeup regrets.

1. Sweat + black eyeliner = scary raccoon eyes. Now I love me some black eyeliner, especially when I’m putting on a cute little dress and going out to a club, but there are certain places where it’s probably not a good idea to pile on the black and, unfortunately, I’ve learned this the hard way.

One night my friends and I dressed ourselves up to go out dancing and I had put on a ton of dark eyeshadow and eyeliner. The dance floor was completely packed and after about half an hour we were all sweaty and gross. My friend and I went to the bathroom to cool down and when I looked in the mirror, I found that the makeup I had so meticulously applied was now all over my face! Seriously, it looked as if I had rubbed a huge piece of charcoal all around my eye and down my cheeks. My black eyeshadow had literally melted from me sweating and was now sitting in clumps on my eyelids. Needless to say I had to scrub it all off before anyone (besides all those people I saw pre-bathroom trip) saw my disaster of a face. Read More »

It’s that time of year again: the first day of school. Students all over the world are preparing for the opportunities that lie ahead. There is so much to learn and so much to see. It is no wonder so many students look forward to this day.

With the first day of classes so near, I began thinking about the way things were in high school around this time.

I remember the big trip to Office Max with my mom every year; we’d hop in her SUV and drive on down to the store, where I would leap from the vehicle while it was still in motion, and run up and down the aisles (Supermarket Sweep style) seeking out the newest pens and folder colors.

I would then return home with my new purchases and proceed to label every folder for every class, color code my notebooks and binders, and put it all in my brand new Eddie Bauer bag for the first day of school.

And I know I’m not alone.

Even more exciting (if possible) than my school supply spree was my first day of school shopping extravaganza. There was nothing more important in life than what you wore on the first day of school; it set the tone for the year and let people know what kind of person you were. Read More »

“Heyyyyyy!!!! Ohmygosh we haven’t talked in ages!!!! How have you been? You look like you’re doing great. WE should totally get together sometime!”

We all have those friends on Facebook. People that we knew ten years ago and don’t talk to anymore. Except for on Facebook.

I have plenty of friends like that. And I even friend requested some of them.

Of course, those friend requests were mostly because they were the people that made my middle school years hell, and I like to stalk them and silently gloat over how much cooler my life is than theirs.

But some of them were sparked by a genuine desire to see how they were doing and what kind of people they had turned into.

So how does this whole reconnecting thing work, especially on the internet, and especially if one of the two parties may not be exactly thrilled at the idea of sitting across from their grade school buddy whom they haven’t seen since 1999? Something about the cyberdistance makes the idea of rekindling a friendship seem more approachable over Facebook (or Myspace, as the case may be). If your old classmate doesn’t feel like answering you, it’s a lot easier to not take it personally when all you’ve done is send a digital message instead of digging out an old phone number and calling out of the blue. Read More »

A recent New York Times article tells parents to “Please Relax, It’s Just Camp.” It details the fact that parents are WAY too involved in their child’s summer camp experience and are constantly calling and meddling. And yes, the NYT is correct. It is just camp. And parents do need to relax.

However, these parents are sending their children away to live with absolute strangers during some of the child’s most crucial developmental years. I can see how it could be difficult and extremely frightening. But, I think I’m solid proof that, while camp can be a scary place, it’s generally not life-damaging.

During middle school I went to summer camp at one of those camps on a lake with an insanely cheery name. (You know the type, “Happy Valley” or “The Best Place on Earth.” Barf.) At this particular camp, we were NOT allowed to talk to our parents, no matter what. Of course, cell phones didn’t really exist, but parents were told not to call the camp unless of an emergency and even if they called, we were never allowed to speak to them. We did a little thing called writing letters. Remember that? Read More »

Last time, I told you about my oh-so-lovely hallmates, who chose to cover my board with hateful words. When misogynistic and sexist words come into it, I’ve officially stopped being willing to roll over. I emailed the floor’s RCA, who passed me on to the dean of student life. I spoke with the dean and ultimately an email and letter was circulated indicating such behavior was not to be tolerated. After that, the words disappeared and the images stopped showing up — for a while, and I thought that would be the end of it. But the hallmates from hell kept finding more ways to be the rudest human beings I’ve ever crossed paths with.

One night at four a.m. the whole group came banging back from a wild night at one of the eating clubs. One girl and one guy had gotten into some sort of argument, and they decided to have it out — right in front of my door. For an hour I heard screaming of “YOU ARE A BAD PERSON! A BAD PERSON!” And the barked reply, “JUST FORGET IT AND GO TO BED!” immediately followed by the “YOU ARE A BAD PERSON!” again. My boyfriend emailed the rca to complain. Later that week, I was returning from a late shower, only wearing a towel, and found the whole group of freshmen clustered around my door, talking loudly. When I said “excuse me,” they ignored me. When I started pushing at people, they still ignored me. I had to shout at the top of my lungs and push at the same time, clutching my towel, just to get them to move. I still don’t know if they were purposefully being difficult, or just were oblivious, but it made me feel oddly threatened and vulnerable, as if they were determined not to recognize me as a human being. Read More »

When I was 12 I had thick bangs, giant braces and a wardrobe that consisted of my brothers’ yellow-crusted-arm-pitted-hand-me-downs. I wore Umbros – one leg green, one leg purple – and maroon reverse fit jeans (read: mom jeans). I thought I was super stylish when I threw on one of my brother’s flannel button downs…and only buttoned the middle one!

I realize times have changed and fashion is a lot more accessible to the youngsters, but this girl is really making me feel like sh*t. Even now. And I really love my wardrobe. Or, I did, until I started seeing hers.

I don’t really know who this chicadee is and I totally question who is really behind the writing of this blog (because there is no way in hell a 12 year old could write this way….and if she can, I hate her even more), but none of that really matters. This little fashionista clearly exists…and obviously does so just to make us normal people feel bad about ourselves.

The whole thing is just crazy. She struts her chic NYC style down the hallways of her middle school. She rocks vintage frocks as she jumps the swings on the playground. And she can rock a look like this without looking totally ridiculous. Read More »

I remember the first time I tried it. My close friends were hanging out one afternoon and the topic came up. Masturbation.

The room got eerily silent.

Then one of my more adventurous and experienced friends proclaimed, “I tried it for the first time in middle school.” We all gasped. “What? None of you have ever tried it?” More silence.

“No one?”

I could hear crickets.

She was astonished. Everyone she knew had done it and not just once; weekly, if not daily! We had to try it! It would change our lives!

So, we made a pact. By the end of the semester we would all try it once (and, since most of us were roommates with at least one person in the room, we vowed to let them have the room to themselves at some point to do so). And to kick off the pact, we took a fieldtrip to the campus sex store for some…er….tools.

I tried the very next day. Why not? I was curious….and my roommate had a 2 hour lecture. It didn’t take long (literally) before I realized just how right my friend was. Why had I waited so long to try it? Why did I always feel so ashamed to want to do it? It truly was life changing!

And in more ways than the obvious. Just like the wonderfully unknown benefits of exercise, masturbation comes with a whole slew of added bonuses. (Mind you, I looked these up when trying to convince one of the other pact-makers that it was not only OK to do it, but necessary for a long and fulfilling life.)

Read More »

I’ll never forget that fateful day in art class, senior year of high school. This (pardon me if I seem rash in this titling) bitch named Ashlee was in my class. She was cool in the sense of…not cool at all, with a god awful short haircut and horrible highlights and delusions that her Nike sneakers with Mudd flares threw her into some high fashion club.

She was also dating a guy–the quarterback (of course)–who had secretly had a crush on me (a fact I didn’t find out until college).

The quarterback and my sporadic and subtle flirting, combined with the fact that she hated me for not kissing her ass, lead to Ashlee on a mission to make me cry. And one day; it almost worked.

There was a spider in our classroom. Ashlee flipped out in the typical “popular” girl fashion (”oh my gawd, oh my gawd! Do something!“), and I told her to chill and went to pick it up to put it out the window. I squated down to let the spider walk onto a piece of paper and suddenly, there was her ugly grass stained Nike sneaker…smashing it on my hands. I wanted to cry but instead I stood up and said,

“God, you’re such a bitch.” Read More »

• I’m all for protecting the sexually active…just not for 11 year olds needing to be protected. I don’t think I even knew what sex was when I was 11. (Maine Sunday Telegram)

• “Thomas had entered the store and demanded that employees kneel and bow before him because he was “Almighty God” and the “King of the United States.” King of the United States = God? Amazing. (Daily Freeman)

• It’s 920 calories, 60 grams of fat…and everything I could ever want. And this is just breakfast. (Yahoo!)

• This actually happened at my high school too. Note to pranksters: Never mess with the football field. You’ll always get screwed. (ABC 12)

• Student governments are always as*holes. Especially when it comes to studednts broadcasting homemade porn on campus television. (COED Magazine)