• If your ringtone is going to be an orgasm (ugh, totally lame), turn it off before you are in the midst of a courtroom. Manners, people! (news.com.au)

• London residents panic over chemical spill…I mean, 5-alarm chili! Literally. (timesonline.co.uk)

• Alabama woman: “My motto has been they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand. I refuse to give up.” Haven’t we all thought that at some point? (TBO.com)

• Father makes 6 year old son chug a beer. Hilarity does not ensue. (tbo.com)

• An Alabama couple celebrates their 80th wedding anniversary. “After all these years,” he said, “I still enjoy being with her.” Does this give us hope or does it make us morbidly depressed? I’m going with depressed. (sfgate.com)

• Ditzy cheerleader bloopers are always a great way to wake up in the morning. (COED Magazine)