A couple of years ago, I went to visit a friend who lived out of state and ended up having sex with one of her guy friends. He was intensely good looking and I was intensely drunk and fun was had by all. I was just coming off of a huge breakup, and some comfort nooky was much appreciated, but I didn’t think much of it or him afterwards.

Until one day, I got a very strange call from One Night Stand guy. It went like this:

One Night Stand guy: Hey Jessica, how are you?
Me: Fine, busy. How are you?
ONSG: Um, I’m okay. Hey, have you ever been in a porn?
Me: Excuse me?
ONSG: It’s just, well, I was looking at some porn on the internet and I’m pretty sure that you are in one.
Me: (After about ten seconds) Are you sure?
ONSG: Well, she looks a lot like you, um, naked. Read More »

Here’s the thing; you should never date a douchebag.

Now, sometimes, you don’t know you’re dating a douche until it’s too late. Maybe he’s awesome in the beginning, opening doors for you and being all polite and totally charming your parents, but then one day he decides to not only sleep with your best friend, but do it in your bed!

Sometimes, that sort of thing is hard to see coming.

Except when your guy looks the part.

See, if you start dating a guy who looks like he should be a total douche, but hasn’t yet shown the signs of real douchyism, chances are his true colors are going to be coming out pretty soon.

Nobody with oily hair, a body shaped by beer, couches, and pot, stupid fashion sense, and a monosyllabic speech pattern is going to turn out awesome in the end. You may think you can change this douche’s ways, get him on the fast track to a job and maybe the treadmill, but believe me—douchiness is almost impossible to stamp out.

Which is why I have no sympathy for Lindsay Lohan and her newest “scandal”. Apparently, her boyfriend for two minutes, Riley Giles (who she met in rehab. Cool!) is shopping around “personal photos” he took of her while they were dating. Obviously, those pics show LaLohan in all stages of “undress”, and are going to seriously tarnish her sweet, virginal image.

Well, okay. Chances are they’ll do nothing but prove what most of us already think, but still, who wants homemade nakey pictures of them sold to cheap tabloids? Read More »