I finally broke down and tried online dating.

Now, before you start judging me, hear me out! I too was of the “online dating is kind of weird and creepy” mentality, until a good friend of mine gave it a try and met a really sweet, funny, cute guy. Totally not creepy at all!

Maybe I could give it a try…I mean, I could just create a profile, no obligation to go on any dates at all. I’ve been feeling stuck in a rut lately–I seem to meet the same guy over and over. We like each other, we’re attracted to each other, but he doesn’t want a relationship. The online dating community, I figured, is full of like-minded people, people who are looking to meet someone and really date, instead of just hooking up.

I created a profile and tried to pick out some flattering-but-accurate photos. I listed my interests, what I like to do, and picked out a few criteria for my potential man (non-smoker please!) One click, and I was done.

I got a few messages from guys I wasn’t really interested in. I had decided that, since I was just testing it out, I wouldn’t actually search for anyone, I would just have a look at whoever expressed interest in me. Finally, a few days later, I got a note from a cute guy. He had taken my little “about me” section and modified it so it was about him. Funny! His profile was witty, and we shared a lot of interests. He had a few pictures posted, and he looked totally my type–skinny, tall, glasses.

I figured, what the heck, why not? I responded. We exchanged a few clever e-mails back and forth before finally deciding to hang out. We picked a restaurant, a day, and a time. So far, so good. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 174
Mood: Weirded out

“I’ve been wanting to tell you everything for a while, Grace.” Justin leaned against the sink and ran his hands through his hair a few times, trying to keep his eyes on my face but only succeeding in keeping his gaze there for a few seconds before staring at the floor.

“Well, now’s your chance.” I shifted the best I could on the edge of the bathtub. The bathroom was definitely a product of a house full of boys, and everything about it made me wary of touching anything for too long.

“I’ve known…or…things changed right before Christmas break, I guess.” Justin kept his hand on the doorknob, holding it shut even though he had already locked it. “Sasha and I, we were always buddies. We got along the best in the house, you know? So when everyone started saying all that shit about him…I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t believe it.”

I heard him inhale, and then let it out slowly. Our eyes met, and his were wide with something. Regret maybe. Something heavy.

“But then one night we…we had a few beers and Sasha started talking. He got drunk and started talking about that night…” Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 163
Mood: Nervous

“Hey man, didn’t see you come in”

Sasha’s mouth moved in the direction of a smile, but stopped right before completing it. Justin didn’t move anything. Just stood and stared.

“Yeah. I got back from the library a while ago. Crowded here. Maybe you just didn’t see me.” Next to me, Justin’s fist clenched.

The music, which had been screaming from the speakers only moments before, suddenly cut out, and the party came crashing to a halt. The dancing stopped, the laughing stopped, the energy dipped. Someone dropped a can, and it bounced metallically on the wooden floor before rolling underneath a table.

“What the f*ck?!” A kid from across the room screamed at no one in particular. “What the f*ck, man? What happened to the music?”

Rebecca was suddenly by my side again, the contents of her red plastic cup sloshing over the rim and spilling onto my shoes. “What’s going on?” she whispered, not meaning the sudden silence. “Why are they staring at each other like that?” Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 72
Mood: Jumpy

“Grace?”

Sasha’s voice was louder this time, his hand still on my foot. He thought I was sleeping. Maybe I should pretend to sleep through his visit? I didn’t have to sit up and talk to him.

“Hey, Sasha.” But I did anyway. Pushing the pillow off my head I turned around and sat up in my bed. I rubbed my eyes a little to make it look like I had been sleeping, not like I had been wide-awake and contemplating answering him for the last thirty seconds.

“Hey.” Sasha smiled. The kind of smile I knew too well. The sweet, friendly smile that lit up his whole face and my whole chest. It’d be nice to live in that smile. Sleep on it like a hammock.

“What’s up? I thought you’d be out with everyone else.” I pulled a few stray pieces of hair behind my ears and wondered what I looked like. It wasn’t impressive, whatever it was. Nothing like the short skirts and lace up boots that were undoubtedly walking all over campus tonight. Nothing like the type of girls Sasha hung out with on a daily basis.

“Oh, I’m wearing a costume. Can’t you tell?” Read More »