Do you ever stare at yourself in the mirror and think, “damn, I wish I could lift my ass up but not add any padding, plus it would be nice to slim my thighs at the same time and tuck my tummy and basically lock my body into suffocating spandex“? Well, if you’ve ever thought these odd things: someone has heard you.

Bubbles Bodywear has come up with “The Double-O Push-Up Thong,” which is basically a bra for your butt. It’s supposed to tone and shape your ass while slimming your thighs and holding in your stomach — all the while shoving itself up your butt crack.

The best thing about The Double-O is that it costs $64!! Nothing makes a girl smile like spending loads of money on an item of clothing that no one will see (and those who do will have so. many. questions.) and which will also be needlessly uncomfortable. Seems like Bubbles Bodywear totally understands the need for women to strap themselves in to point of asphyxiation.

I have a subscription to New York Magazine. I like to read it because the cover articles tend to be edgy and intelligent, and the publication as a whole tends to be more pop culture friendly than their slightly stuffy counter-periodical, The New Yorker. If you don’t live in NYC or around it, you might not have heard about NY Mag, which is fine. It’s a little inside-jokey. A little self-referential — cultivating a between-the-lines feeling that the New York publishing world is the center of the universe.

But like that slightly snotty friend who turns around and buys everyone a round of drinks at the bar, I just can’t seem to break up with NY Mag and read my weekly copy faithfully. There’s only one thing about the periodical that really bothers me, and it usually can be skipped over quite readily…unless of course, you’re me, reading it last night.

You see, yesterday I had a long day. The bus ride back from work was so packed it induced claustrophobia, and two people decided to get into a screaming match that included gems such as “SHUT UP, RETARD!!”, “YOU’RE THE RETARD!!”, “ON YOUR MOM!!”, “ON YOURS, MINE’S DEAD!!”. When I got home, my internet and cable were still not working…a problem left over from the weekend, and it was probably around 105 F in my apartment. Pouring myself a bowl of cereal, I sat down and decided to spend the evening reading, and my new copy of New York Magazine was the first thing I got my exhausted hands on. Read More »

Back in February I reported that the new Spike Jonze/Dave Eggers film adaptation of everyone’s favorite children’s book Where the Wild Things Are was in a bit of trouble for being TOO scary for the young’uns.

According to New York Magazine (via Playlist), the film is still not doing well. Hot on the heels of Speed Racer’s big box-office upset, Playlist is reporting that Jon Vitti (of Alvin and the Chipmuncks screenwriting fame…Yikes!) has been hired to help out, and that the production is “deeply troubled”.

There were rumors that Jonze had been fired from the project after Warner Brothers scheduled re-shoots and ordered rewrites of several scenes. However, Jonze is reportedly still part of the project, despite not having final say on the end result. Read More »

As I’ve mentioned before, when I get restless or bored, the first thing to change is my hair. I can last about 2 months without changing the color or cut, then I get antsy. While getting ready for work one morning, I realized that my hair looked the same as always, and it wasn’t doing much.

I also noted that I had about $20 I could afford to spend on a cut. Living in New York, that won’t even buy you products. It was time to get creative.

I admit, I’m pretty laid back when it comes to people cutting my hair. It’s super straight and doesn’t do anything unusual, so I’ve accepted that if I hate it, it can always grow back. If you, too, are willing to throw caution to the wind and take your chances with an assistant stylist, or an apprentice of sorts, then beauty school may be just the place to look.

I set my sights on Bumble and bumble, for one because I’ve been reading fashion magazines since age twelve and was familiar with the name, and for two, their Model Project offers free haircuts. Yes, free, so long as you agree to have the cut of choice done. You go online and fill out a personal assessment of your hair (approximate length, whether it’s been colored, texture, thickness, etc.) and your willingness to negotiate what’s done (have a field day or stick to the essentials, basically, its up to you). Read More »

Andy Rooney, a super old guy who used to make movies and now just sits in an office and lets 60 Minutes totally take advantage of his oldness, recently ranted about how Americans are carrying “more stuff than they used to”.

The Duhness factor of his rant notwithstanding (I mean, what did people carry around in his day? Keys to a car they powered with their feet?), I decided to take a cue from Jezebel and go through my own purse to see if all the crap shoved inside was stuff I actually needed.

(This is a day when my bag is not splitting at the seems from carrying my giant, heavy laptop.)

1) Burt’s Bees hand cream: Totally needed. Since I can’t ever hold onto a pair of gloves longer than a week, my hands take a beating every winter. Unless I want the skin to rip off, I gotta moisturize at least twice a day.

2) Three tubes of Chapstick: Okay. Three might be an excessive number…but sometimes I want my lips fruity, other times I want serious moisture action, and every once in a while, a little instant caffeine. Read More »

• A fetish fair in NYC? Awesome! Not awesome: Men are forced to wear a “two-inch strip of leather up their backsides”…can’t they make it 4 inches? (NY Mag)

• Remember that book you read back in high school, 1984? It’s finally here in the form of…Gas Station TV! (freep.com)

• Schools are no longer allowing emotion through its doors! Bueller…Bueller? (chicagotribune.com)

• At least Britney isn’t this bad…we hope. (CBS6 Albany)

• I’m not usually into violence, I just thought lions as a whole had it coming. (You Tube)

Most of us drag ourselves to the gym every other day or so not because we like it, but because we’re determined to keep extra pounds away and stay healthy.

Hell, I don’t wake up in the early morning, walk four avenues, and make myself sweaty on the elliptical because it’s fun—I do it because I have to.

Which is why I was super pissed (I mean, honestly, pissed) to read an article that was originally published in New York Magazine.

Why am I so mad? Because the article insinuated working out does nothing but make us hungry.

Without denying that 30 minutes a day on the Stairmaster is good for our health, journalist Gary Taubes recently explained that “most studies on the link between swimming laps and losing weight demonstrate little beyond one widely accepted fact: “exercising makes us hungry.”” Even more annoying, Taubes points out “exercise may even lead to a weight gain.”

According to Taubes, Jean Mayer, a nutritionist and “physiological chemist”, invented the “myth” of exercise being directly related to weight loss.

Taubes claims Mayer’s facts were “often contradictory”, but somehow his words caught fire with the American public and have stayed with us ever since. Read More »

As much as I admire women who just roll out of bed and go, I’m not one of them. I wouldn’t call myself high-maintenance, but I do shave, pluck, wax, color, and lotion unapologetically on a regular basis.

It seems, however, that I’ve been leaving out something in my primping routine—nipple tinting.

Head to your local Sephora and you’ll find Benefit Benetint, a water(aka saliva)-resistant nipple tint to get your nipples that perfect shade of rosy pink.

The product, originally conceived in the seventies as cheek and lip tint for exotic dancers, is being remarketed, according to Benefit, to give women the “pert and fresh-looking” nipples they’ve been dreaming of. Not sure if it’s worth the purchase, considering that you tend to keep your girls covered up most of the day (I assume)?

“Even if you don’t show it off, you know they’re rosier and more perky,” Benefit spokeswoman Alison Haljun tells New York Magazine.

Perhaps putting on nipple makeup is no different than tweezing your eyebrows religiously or retouching your eyeliner 16 times over the course of a night out, but I think we’ve officially gone too far in making women feel inadequate. Read More »