“What did you do last night?”

It’s a question that often goes unanswered and maybe that’s for the best because the only clues you have are rather discerning (ie. waking up in someone elses’ pants or finding a tattoo of betty boop on your ankle or perhaps finding that you have a plane ticket to miami mysteriously scheduled for the following weekend). This past weekend I would discover that these are not exaggerated tales attempting to glorify a night of reckless drinking… they are (and I am living proof) ridiculous truths.

Like so many other New York hot spots, “Pink Elephant” is surrounded by velvet ropes, bouncers that answer to “Gus”, disco balls, teensy girls in teensy skirts, drugs, overpriced drinks and that guy who had one-too-many performing a very public (and very unsolicited) strip show. I came here with some friends and we got in, having mistaken it for another club called “Mansion”… but this was one mistake I would not regret. Read More »

During my junior year of college, while studying abroad in Sydney, Australia, I landed an internship at Cosmopolitan magazine.

After six months of getting editors coffee, reorganizing the beauty closet, and transcribing celebrity interviews, I was convinced that I was destined to not only work for one of the top women’s magazines but that, the minute I once again stepped foot in the U.S., it would be an absolute piece of cake to land an internship at Cosmo or any major magazine.

It wasn’t. As soon as I got back in the spring, I sent my resume and cover letter to almost every editor at every major women’s fashion and lifestyle glossy. Some never even responded. Others emailed me back saying that my credentials were great but they had already selected their summer interns. Still, other editors did call and interview me and I was offered a few positions, but there were only for openings that were three days a week unpaid. In New York.

I don’t think so. Read More »

Growing up sucks. Bills, insurance, work, and responsibilities: I’m trying hard to keep it all together.

But I’m young. And the fact that I’m eating cereal right out of the box because I can’t afford milk is just one of those side effects of trying to find yourself…right?

At least that’s what I thought. Until I went back to school this weekend (for the first of many weddings) and realized that everyone had gone and grown up while I was searching for pennies to pay for my coffee in New York.

It isn’t that I’m stuck back in my college days. In fact, I did quite the opposite after graduating. I moved further away (literally and figuratively) than anyone from home. But when I went back I realized that while I was still trying to find myself they had already done just that. With steady jobs, big rocks on their fingers, wedding planning and bed times.

My already confused and heartbroken self had just encountered one thing I had never planned on: my friends, all 23 and 24, were acting old.

Now I’m not saying that they were stiffs, we all drank and danced and had a really good time at the wedding. Sh*t, they even played Chubby Bunny by the bonfire (yes, there was a bonfire). But at the end of the night, when we got back to our hotel room, everyone was tired and wanted to go to bed…. at midnight. Read More »

If only there was a way to interview the monkey!

Last Tuesday, passengers aboard a Spirit Airlines jet flying from New York to Florida had a bit more to deal with than those impossible-to-open peanut bags.

Seems one of their fellow travelers had decided it was totally okay for him to shove a monkey into his hat and bring it aboard.

The strange, strange man, who had originally departed from Lima, Peru, somehow managed to hide the tiny creature “inside his ponytail” and underneath his cap while he boarded the plane, his cover blown only after the animal climbed out of it’s hiding place halfway through the trip.

This story obviously begs a few questions:

First, just how big was the man’s ponytail, and why did no one notice there was a monkey in it?

Second, how come I’m forced to practically strip before I board a plane, but this dude managed to smuggle a living creature onboard underneath a hat? Read More »

So, I did it. I bit the bullet and posted a Missed Connection.

I couldn’t help myself. I had seen a cute boy on the subway. Adorable, actually. This kid was everything I had been hoping New York would have tucked away in one of its dirty, graffiti covered apartments. Everything I had dreamed I’d softly bump into one of these sultry nights on 2nd Avenue.

He wasn’t a skinny, nauseatingly dressed Hipster. He wasn’t a gelled Wallstreeter secretly hiding a yellowed wife-beater under a polished polo. He wasn’t a moody artist wearing eyeliner and hunching over a notebook covered in scrawling of his pain. He was adorably normal. Sweetly natural. Still un-New York-ified. Just like me.

I saw him on the R train heading uptown. The moment I sat down and spied him I became consumed with sneaking looks at his tired, boyish face. He was dressed like he worked in some kind of uptown office, black pants a little too short for his lanky legs, old school headphones perched atop endearingly tousled brown hair. For 15 minutes I looked at him whenever he looked somewhere else.

All too soon he got off. I tried to watch him leave, but my vision was blocked by a marvelously fat guy and his incredibly giant lunch bag. 15 minutes was hardly long enough. I wanted more time with this specimen of cuteness. Read More »

If you’re like me, you’re tight on cash, trying to be as active as possible (so you can eat all the fudgsicles you want this season. That shit is good), and enjoy being outside. You might also have this strange fear of bats flying in your window and then landing on your head at night…but we can talk later about that.

In any case, I do a lot of walking in the summer, and I suspect you do too. I also love cute shoes. I’m sure we’re alike in that way as well.

If these two things are true, perhaps your feet also look as though tiny elves have hacked and scraped away at what was once beautiful, pristine skin. Cute shoes don’t always mean comfortable shoes, and walking every day can turn a slightly uncomfortable chafe into deadly pain in less than twenty minutes. Read More »

It’s not that I don’t want to find love. Honest. I just don’t think I’ll find it online.

But thousands of other people think differently. Online dating is taking the world by storm, whether you’re a rich guy looking for a trophy wife, a healthnut, or someone who’s so in love with your parakeet your heart is only big enough for someone equally bird obsessed…there’s a dating site for you.

I know people who have found partners online, even spouses. For some, online dating isn’t just a way to waste some time, it’s a hobby. An obsession. It’s a sport that takes practice. If you try hard enough, you can potentially have a seven day date week.

I’m not one of those people. I’ve got no game when it comes to online dating. I have no idea how to do it. How do you sound cute with words? There’s only so many winking smiley faces I can put in a paragraph before I start to make myself sick.

The truth is, I’ve tried. I’ve found a few sites and put up a profile, sometimes because I’m bored, sometimes because I can’t imagine spending another Friday night alone with my cat and the crazy upstairs neighbors who seem to have some kind of full contact flip cup competition going on every weekend. I’ll set up an account (unless it’s eHarmony. I failed their personality test. Failed it. I don’t know how you fail a personality test, but it can apparently be done. I think it had something to do with the fact that I’m not religious. Not to be Ms. Conspiracy Theory, but I really think eHarmony is all about the religion. Read More »

John Mayer has an amazing voice, rad guitar skills, and is apparently smarter than we thought, due to his recent dumping of a blond publicity stunt named Jessica Simpson. But one thing the boy may want to leave to the professionals? Stand-up.

Last week, Johnny Boy performed a little impromptu comedy routine at New York’s Comedy Cellar, most of which was caught and posted on YouTube. The little bit I was able to watch included a bit about Carrie Underwood’s newest song and John’s inclination to wear tight clothes (why he’s broadcasting this fact is beyond me, but hey, just because I have a rabid distaste for hipster fashion doesn’t mean the rest of the world does). Read More »