I’ve always considered myself to be pretty savvy about food and diet… but since there are SO many psychological layers to eating; food, body image, etc., it’s easy for us to abandon our rational brain and wholeheartedly believe things about our bodies that may not be true. Even the savviest of us all may be tempted to believe weight-loss fabrications, which is why I investigated some of the things people have told me (which I believed!) by speaking with a nutritionist.

“If you eat protein and carbohydrates at the same time, your digestion is less efficient because the stomach is using different enzymes at once, as opposed to focusing on one type of food at a time.”
–Every nutritionist I’ve talked to has said this is complete garbage. And I’m glad to hear it, because my faith in my beloved In-N-Out burger has been restored (sorry to everyone who’s not in California or parts of Arizona. They truly are the best burgers on Earth…worth the airfare, I promise). In fact, it’s better to eat both protein and carbohydrates together– the carbohydrates give you quick glucose for energy, but the protein ensures your blood sugar doesn’t drop later because it takes longer to digest. When your blood sugar doesn’t drop (like it would if you ate simple carbs alone) you won’t get hungry as fast and you won’t become a sugar junkie.

“If you eat within three hours of when you go to sleep, your food will instantly turn to fat because you don’t have time to burn it off”
–Again, nutritionists tell me they can’t believe stuff like that gets published. Read More »

I’ve got to get this out. Joy Bauer pisses me the f*ck off.

For those of you who have saved yourself by not knowing who this lady is, I’m about to ruin you — Joy Bauer is the nutritionist correspondent for the Today Show. She’s also published a ton of books and written about eating your veggies for a bunch of publications. Basically, she’s the Martha Stewart of the health world.

So why do I hate her? Because she’s systematically trying to destroy my happy relationship with food.

Every time I turn on the Today Show (read: while I’m on the elliptical at the ass crack of dawn or getting ready to brave the day) Bauer seems to be running her mouth about all the fantastic! and easy! ways for Americans to lose weight. As she gestures with her skinny arms (I want to know if this lady has ever lived a day over 115 pounds) to bad foods! and their subsequent good food! counterparts, I can’t help but want to shake that way-too-wide grin off her face.

Because she wouldn’t be so happy if she was actually taking all of her grey, lifeless advice.

Her recent “4 Weeks to a Better Body” segment illustrates exactly what I’m taking about. Her advice to get thin in 4 weeks? Basically: make your life so boring food wise the pounds will drop off your body in pity.

Some example “tips”:

1) keep only one or two snack items in the house

One or two snack items? Who the hell enjoys eating the same damn thing over and over again? Even peanut butter filled pretzel bites lose their appeal if they’re my only “snack” source for an extended period of time. This method is sure to make me start hating foods I once loved. Read More »

I am sitting at a very long table. There are hundreds of people on all sides of me also sitting at very long tables. The only things that separate us are stacks of books, empty coffee cups and crumbs from the last meal we ate 6 hours ago. I have a highlighter and a pen stuffed into my ponytail, which I pull out whenever I need to remind myself of a topic I need to re-learn.

So far, the pen and highlighter have spent the majority of the day working their way across my notebook.

My shoes were kicked off hours ago and I would be resting my feet on the chair next to me if it weren’t for this big oafy kid neeeeeeeeding to sit there to study. Ass.

I am literally ready to pull my hair out. Ready to go home and watch some crappy reality television. Ready to do anything but study. But I can’t; I have two finals tomorrow.

And I am in a sh*tty mood.

Not even my friends visiting me with a milkshake could shake me out of this funk.

Read More »

Although the thought of trying to gain weight makes me more than a little nervous, I can accept that there are lucky ladies out there who naturally resemble sticks.

So I’m going to put aside my jealousy and tell you the secret to packing on the pounds. If you’re looking to lose ten pounds, do the opposite. It’s as simple as that.

Case Study:
One very thin New Yorker (5′8, 105 lbs) was tired of looking like a model and vowed to bulk up. When her buddy told her that he lost 10 pounds after giving up his two-beer-a-day habit, she started drinking two beers a day.

“Unlike Ensure, beer is tolerable to me, has loads of carbs and is low in sugar,” she says. “I’ve been swigging everything from monk-made ales to fruity lambics.” She raves about the quick results. Keep her words in mind you beer pong lovers. If you notice your pants are a little tight, maybe it’s time to cut out the sauce.

According to Sharon Akabas, a nutritionist at Columbia University Medical Center, a consistent daily increase of 300-500 calories should be enough to help someone put on ten pounds in 6 months. With 12 oz of beer ranging from about 110 calories (Bud Light) to 210 calories (Anchor Porter), it’s easy to see why drinking can help you gain weight. If each game of beer pong requires about…let’s say 4 beers. That’s about 440 calories if you’re using Keystone Light. Read More »

Most of us drag ourselves to the gym every other day or so not because we like it, but because we’re determined to keep extra pounds away and stay healthy.

Hell, I don’t wake up in the early morning, walk four avenues, and make myself sweaty on the elliptical because it’s fun—I do it because I have to.

Which is why I was super pissed (I mean, honestly, pissed) to read an article that was originally published in New York Magazine.

Why am I so mad? Because the article insinuated working out does nothing but make us hungry.

Without denying that 30 minutes a day on the Stairmaster is good for our health, journalist Gary Taubes recently explained that “most studies on the link between swimming laps and losing weight demonstrate little beyond one widely accepted fact: “exercising makes us hungry.”” Even more annoying, Taubes points out “exercise may even lead to a weight gain.”

According to Taubes, Jean Mayer, a nutritionist and “physiological chemist”, invented the “myth” of exercise being directly related to weight loss.

Taubes claims Mayer’s facts were “often contradictory”, but somehow his words caught fire with the American public and have stayed with us ever since. Read More »