Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or some other holiday that not many people know about, you have undoubtedly received a gift that made you cringe, bite your lip to keep your mouth from saying something rude, or eyes water from the sheer ugliness factor.

While awesome presents are fun to receive, crappy presents are fun to talk about. So here, in no particular order, are three of the stupidest things I have received in recent memory.

* Box of Sparkly Body Spray – When I was 12, I freakin’ loved sparkly things. I would have killed for something like this in my teenybopper phase. However, once I turned, oh, say 22, I had pretty much left my gaudy taste behind. Too bad a long lost relative didn’t get the memo. When I opened this present—a set of three different kinds of pink, sparkly, heavily scented body sprays with Barbie heads as bottle stoppers—I was immediately mortified for everyone in the room. Either this relative was so out of touch with reality she thought Barbie was still something I enjoyed, or she had just totally and obviously re-gifted. Read More »

I know eating out of vending machines isn’t healthy.

My mom always told me anything that doesn’t go bad after three weeks is made out of stuff you shouldn’t put in your body anyway.

For the most part, I listened to her. But every once in a while…slipping a few coins in a tiny slot and watching that King-Sized Snickers plummet towards your waiting hands is truly the only thing that can get you through a day.

And then of course, the diet industry went and ruined everything.

Kraft Foods, the makers of that oh-so-natural bright orange cheese, have begun to test out vending machines that are stocked with only South Beach Diet approved options. Yes. South Beach Diet.

As in…lame alternatives for bread, sugar, and whole grains. Read More »

We all know insipid magazines like Cosmo and Redbook give men the impression the women are all about “Impressing Them in Bed!” and “Finding That Position That Makes Our Orgasms Last for 78 Minutes!!” and “Shoes!!!”

But have you ever wondered what guy mags like Stuff and FHM say about us? One women thinks they teach dudes to objectify us.

How groundbreaking.

Rosie Boycott, a former editor for Esquire magazine and freelance journalist for the Daily Mail says that men’s magazines are becoming more and more sexually explicit, and the women allowing themselves to be photographed are partially responsible. Read More »