Two days into freshman year I went to my first frat party. Walking into the Greek lettered doors made me feel like I had just stepped onto a movie set. Everyone had red solo cups! Everyone was dancing and having oodles of fun! And Oh my god! Is that an ice-luge!? Yeah, best night of my life…until the cops came.
Regardless, for the next two years I lived and loved the open frat parties. I thought our love affair would never end…and then, this past weekend we broke up. Now, I still enjoy the small frat mixers but the crazy parties, have gotten…well, old. “Why? What could be better than living in an animal house world?” You ask.
Well, here are my top five answers.
The abundance of scantily clad freshmen. Sure, I was once a freshman myself, and being away from home and being able to wear and do whatever you want is exciting, but eventually you will regret wearing a bandana-sized piece of cloth as a top. And I’m all for sex and I’m all for dancing but do you really need to attempt both simultaneously on the dance floor in front of everyone? It seems these open parties contain about 80% girls and about 75% of those are freshmen girls. Trust me ladies, the body shot phrase will get old, and I’m over watching it.
One word: Keystone. Really guys, Keystone Light, at every party? Keystone has got to be one of the grossest, cheapest liquids ever created. Spring for something a few notches higher. I’m not saying I expect margaritas to be blended before my eyes (although that would be amazing) but there are better beverages out there than Keystone. PLEASE switch it up! Boxed wine would be an immense step up for just as much money! Get some class, guys. Read More »





While watching Project Runway last night, I realized a few things. For one, I realized that
“Birds of the feather flock together” is a phrase my mother has repeated to me since I was a child. I used to hate her for this phrase. I used to accuse her of being judgmental and mean-spirited for judging my friends by the company that they kept. But now…well…now the story is a little bit different. As I have grown up on my own - outside of the house and outside of my mother’s phrases - I have begun to realize just how right she was.
When I was 12 I had thick bangs, giant braces and a wardrobe that consisted of my brothers’ yellow-crusted-arm-pitted-hand-me-downs. I wore
I have a subscription to
Put this under Things You Should Not Do If You Want To Remain A Happy Person: finding out what your ex is up to now.
Oh man. Wednesdays kill me. Yes, it’s the middle of the week, but it’s only the middle of the week! 2.5 more days to go. And no good drink specials at the bar. What I wouldn’t give for a Boxed-Wine Wednesday right about now.
