Britney Spears will be back at the VMA’s.

If his abs and medals aren’t enough, here is yet another reason to love Michael Phelps.

Blame Daniel Radcliffe and his love of nudity for the delay in Harry Potter flicks.

Being Tom Cruise’s daughter has not dampened her cuteness.

There is only one person Kanye West loves more than himself…and it’s Scarlet Johansson?

John Mayer - I think I love him even more.

Did you know that women spend 3,267 hours getting ready to go out?!

How to be a good hookup.

Christmas in August?

Question: People really dress like this? Answer: Ew, yes.

You thought the Chinese were bad? Australian mayor picks on “ugly ducklings“.

Guess what’s just surfaced, ladies? Michael Phelps underwear ads!

It seems as though these ads have been out for awhile, but for those of you who are experiencing Phelps mania for the first time, these pics would most likely quell your (secret?) need to see the “fish boy” (as my dad calls him) naked. I mean, he’s not naked, but he’s in boxer briefs. It’s real close.

[Editor’s Note: while Phelp’s body is admittedly bangin’, does anyone else think his face is…well…reminiscent of an elf in this picture? Like, Lord of the Rings style??]

So who gave Russia permission to be the biggest buzzkill ever?

If you haven’t heard, Russia decided to go wave their giant international schlong around in the Georgian region of South Ossetia last week. And then, since Georgia’s military consists of two tanks and a three-legged dog, they decided to just run all over the damn place - go for the gold, perhaps. Oh, hey, how topical.

Russia, what gives? Were you thinking that everyone was too enthralled with the Olympics to notice? We’re not blind, Russia. We see you over there. Mr. “I’m only the Prime Minister” Putin, wipe that snide smile off your face, you’re not fooling anyone. We are ready for swift, decisive action. It’s not like we’re too busy chumming it up with the women’s volleyball team or anything.

Russia, really, we’re sorry you haven’t had a bona fide invasion in sixty-odd years. We know your country is huge and hard to invade. We know you just want to sit in your snow palaces and chortle heartily as the fascist armies starve to death on the tundra. But could you at least have waited until the world-wide quadrennial moment of community was over? Man, we really had some spirit going on.

Couldn’t the one-sided massacre of civillians in a thinly veiled land grab along with grotesque human rights violations have waited at least until after the BMX competition? Maybe?

Not like anyone’s surprised, of course. Government people have a pretty terrible record of ruining the fun of decent, normal human beings. Let’s have a look back at some of their more belligerent moments: Read More »

This week was a doozy. We found out that John Edwards is an evil man-whore, pedophilia is totally fine as long as you are talking about a celebrity, and, contrary to popular belief, shopping actually makes women cry.

But not many people seemed to notice all that with the Olympics goin’ on.

It is hard to pay attention to anything when Michael Phelps is all over the news, breaking world records and being all around sexy. He even sorta makes me forget all about the darker side of the games. Drinking doesn’t hurt, either.

All this Olympic watching, though, has totally sucked up our back-to-school packing time. It is impossible to concentrate on that To Do List when all these gorgeous men are popping up on our TVs. There is just so much to do and remember before we get back to the dorms. Ugh; we can only imagine what incoming freshmen are dealing with. (Even worse…we wish we were incoming freshmen again.)

What we wouldn’t give to have those random hookups again. To hunt for men in class. To flirt with unsuspecting males for free drinks. To spend all day watching bad TV. To get cheap birth control from the University Health Service.

Ah. Must. Snap. Out. Of. It.

Well, since it’s the weekend, we can at least hit the town like we are still freshmen (only with better ID’s)…

As I watched the world’s best athletes compete in the Olympics last night I began to regret never getting involved in sports growing up. At 5’10 I could have dominated the basketball/volleyball courts. I could have used my backyard swimming pool to hone my backstroke. I could have viewed my bike as more than just a means to get to the nearest ice cream shop.

But, just because I don’t know how to dive off of a really high platform or do flips on some uneven bars doesn’t mean that I, too, am not the best at something. I have some talents too, and they should not be shunned just because I can’t bring them to Beijing.

So, I give you the 5 Sports I Would Win a Gold In (If They Were Included In The Olympics):

1. Cake Eating: With or without hands, I would totally take the cake (Ha!) in this event. I have a big mouth (to the chagrin of my mother and the glee of my men) that allows me to store massive quantities of cake and frosting goodness. I also happen to be able to seriously pack food away (which allowed me to excel in another sport: weight gain), so there is no stopping me in this competition. Read More »