This week was a doozy. We found out that John Edwards is an evil man-whore, pedophilia is totally fine as long as you are talking about a celebrity, and, contrary to popular belief, shopping actually makes women cry.

But not many people seemed to notice all that with the Olympics goin’ on.

It is hard to pay attention to anything when Michael Phelps is all over the news, breaking world records and being all around sexy. He even sorta makes me forget all about the darker side of the games. Drinking doesn’t hurt, either.

All this Olympic watching, though, has totally sucked up our back-to-school packing time. It is impossible to concentrate on that To Do List when all these gorgeous men are popping up on our TVs. There is just so much to do and remember before we get back to the dorms. Ugh; we can only imagine what incoming freshmen are dealing with. (Even worse…we wish we were incoming freshmen again.)

What we wouldn’t give to have those random hookups again. To hunt for men in class. To flirt with unsuspecting males for free drinks. To spend all day watching bad TV. To get cheap birth control from the University Health Service.

Ah. Must. Snap. Out. Of. It.

Well, since it’s the weekend, we can at least hit the town like we are still freshmen (only with better ID’s)…

As I watched the world’s best athletes compete in the Olympics last night I began to regret never getting involved in sports growing up. At 5’10 I could have dominated the basketball/volleyball courts. I could have used my backyard swimming pool to hone my backstroke. I could have viewed my bike as more than just a means to get to the nearest ice cream shop.

But, just because I don’t know how to dive off of a really high platform or do flips on some uneven bars doesn’t mean that I, too, am not the best at something. I have some talents too, and they should not be shunned just because I can’t bring them to Beijing.

So, I give you the 5 Sports I Would Win a Gold In (If They Were Included In The Olympics):

1. Cake Eating: With or without hands, I would totally take the cake (Ha!) in this event. I have a big mouth (to the chagrin of my mother and the glee of my men) that allows me to store massive quantities of cake and frosting goodness. I also happen to be able to seriously pack food away (which allowed me to excel in another sport: weight gain), so there is no stopping me in this competition. Read More »

[Every once in a while, we have to go something that blows. Something we’re not prepared for. Something, that at least, makes a good story…]

I walked around my apartment, touching things, pulling my blankets tighter around my bed, staring at the window, and then eventually sitting down on my couch. The TV was playing in the background, Olympic synchronized diving, and I tried to concentrate on what was happening on the screen, but besides a few thoughts about how synchronized diving is an odd sport and how did it get into the Olympics? — I couldn’t keep my head clear.

In a little less than a week, I’ll find myself lying on a hospital bed, hooked up to beeping machines, and wheeled by a bunch of masked people I don’t know into an operating room. The surgery is either simple or complicated — nobody can seem to decide — and all that’s clear is that there’s something foreign that needs to stop renting space on my 9th rib. I’ve been thinking about the surgery for a few hand-wrung weeks, and the closer it is to happening, the fuller my brain gets with every. possible. horrible scenario. Read More »

Julia Child: kitchen goddess and…spy?!

The U.S. is gonna look a lot different…and soon.

Women are taking over the world one random competition at a time.

Who knew college debates could be so exciting?!

Fake boobs on a 14 year old? Only in the Lohan house…
Whenever we are feeling down, we like to remind ourselves how much we have going for us. Like brains.

Put an end to world hunger…with dead rats?

Thank your lucky stars that this girl is not your roommate.

Help this man achieve his lifelong dream!

Universities join the Green movement. Is your school Green?

Looks like Michael Phelps and I are on the same diet.

A daily dose of Olympic Eye Candy

Get ready for Fall fashion with Target’s newest Go! International line.

Last week, as I laughed during an episode of Project Runway for the first time all season, I felt a glimmer of hope that this season may finally be turning around. But as I watched last night’s episode while simultaneously surfing Facebook and talking on AIM cuz I was so damn bored, I came to the realization that last week was a fluke.

This season indeed sucks.

Sure, there are a few moments of hilarity (like when Terri, referring to Suede, said, “I don’t know what he’s packing…balls or vajajay. I don’t need no one sucking on my tit, so, please, man up.”), but this season really doesn’t stack up next to the those of our past.

Last night’s episode was yet another opportunity for Bravo/NBC to promote one of its products. Brooke Shields was the judge and the challenge was for the designers to create an outfit for her character to wear on Lipstick Jungle. Which is an NBC show. NBC owns Bravo.

See how they did that? See how they took one of their bigger shows on the network (Project Runway) and used it to promote one of their dying shows (Lipstick Jungle)? I am surprised they didn’t have to also incorporate some sort of GE product into the ensemble. Read More »

Go here for even more hilarity connected to Bush’s Olympic vacation.

I give this a 10 in the hot bod competition

Studying Creationism? Graduating just got harder for you

Brooke Hogan continues to dig that stupidity hole

According to GMA, curly hair blows

Breaking up, Dinosaur Comics style

Have you had too much sex?

The only way Katie Holmes can get into a movie these days…

U.S Women’s Gymnasts think China totally f*cked with them

No more chicken mcnuggets in LA

She hates the fans

Dane Cook is kinda right.

It is pretty obvious that we are obsessed with the Olympics around here. We love the sports, we love the politics and, obviously, we love the men.

Hell, we’d probably even wear those U.S.A. themed Speedo’s if we could get our hands on them (or squeeze our butts into them). But, alas, that is not going to happen. Which is fine because it’s not like we actually want to participate in any events - cuz we got no skills - we just want to show our support.

Yeah, we could probably hang an American flag over our beds or sing the National Anthem at every chance we got, but that’s so boring. We wanna support the U.S. in style, baby. So let’s give a big thanks to our pal Ralph Lauren for creating this awesome Olympic collection.

After designing the outfits worn by the athletes during the Opening Ceremonies, Mr. Polo decided to take his American pride one step further and give the rest of us somethin’ to rock.

Lord knows I love me some popped collars and now I can feel like the athletes without actually having to give up the cookies or run 5,000 laps around a track. Some of it is a bit cheesy, but the rest is chic, wearable and an awesome way to commemorate the occassion.