I am an expert in awkward situations. When I first meet people, more often than not, I leave a horrible first impression. I am similarly awkward in my attempts to be a part of the dating scene.

Just last week, a coworker exclaimed, “Kathryn, you have no game. Your entire approach is off!” Yes, this is true. But somehow, I still get some action, which is why she followed her (rather harsh) declaration with the question, “How do you do it?”

Still, no matter how many times I’ve immediately wished I could retract the bizarre statement that just came out of my mouth, I’ve also been with, or had friends who have been with, equally hopeless guys.

Reviewing my own traumatic events, as well as some of my friends’ bizarre sexual encounters, I’ve compiled a list of some of the worst things to say during sex. Because I’m a woman, they are written from a female perspective, but each of these can be just as cringe-worthy coming from a guy.

1. “Ohhhh, Michael… I mean… Dan?”
Make sure you know the name of the person you’re inviting past the pearly gates. Calling someone by another name will at once crush your partner’s ego and make you look sleazy. Once, I was hooking up with a guy and he proceeded to pour out his feelings for another girl… and try to get my advice on how to go about courting her. That really sucked, and he was pissed when I cut our session short. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 180
Mood: Scared

“Look, if we go out there, are you ready to deal with him?”

Justin still held the doorknob, his mouth tightening as Sasha’s knocking and yelling got louder.

“Deal with him?” I checked my watch and saw that it was close to 1 A.M. I didn’t know much about parties and drinking, but from what little I did know, I knew that past midnight, things got strange. Got out of control.

“He’s drunk. He’s gonna say things. Sasha says things.”

“What the HELL?! Open UP!”

It sounded like Sasha was throwing his entire weight against the door. I moved closer to Justin and grabbed onto his shirt without thinking. “Let just get out of here. It’s fine. We’ll deal with whatever.”

Justin looked down quickly at my fingers intertwined with the cloth of his shirt. Without saying anything, he put his free hand over mine. “Okay. Just. Ignore everything that comes out of his mouth.”

Turning the knob, Justin opened the bathroom door seconds before Sasha threw his fists against it again. A small crowd had gathered around him, watching in amused disgust as Sasha took his drunk anger out on a door that seemed only a few shards away from breaking in half. Most of the onlookers probably would have cheered if he had broken it down. Read More »