[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“So this sandwich - portabello and provolone, I mean, it should have been good — but I mean, it was, like, a slab of provolone. Like, exactly a blob. Like I was trying to eat a brick. And so then I ate it, and I went back to my room, and I threw it up, and it was like ‘Yup, now I get to have dinner again’.”

“My mom, you know, she’s pretty, but she’s not that pretty.”

“Yesterday, I did that thing where - you know? You’re, like, Wal-mart, and you’re Halloween shopping, but you end up in that weird kinda retail fog. And so you go, hey, furniture, maybe I want a … futon, and hey, mechanical stuff… I want some turpentine, and then you walk around some more and then you’re outside and it turns out all you bought was an industrial size thing of Cheez-Puffs.” Read More »

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“I hated the f**king noodle dance! I don’t need to do a dance when I get an idea - f**k you! That’s why you’re otters! If you were smarter, you’d be a more highly evolved mammal! And you wouldn’t need to break sh*t on your stomachs to eat it!”

“So we’re gonna put the thing there.”
“No, we can’t put the thing there, you a**holes!”
“Why are we a**holes, Steve, why are we a**holes? You think we’re a**holes because we can’t put the thing where you want.”
“Dude, it’s the f**king thing! It has to go there! A**hole.”

“That’s not a deer, that’s an ingénue!”

“Yo, Team Food Butthole stinks. Team Food A**hole is Awesome!” Read More »

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

A girl outside a dorm room, in the hallway:
“Hey, so can I come in yet? Are you done painting diamonds on your ass?”

A cluster of people are smoking outside a dorm. Another guy runs up to them, carrying some bulky bags.
“Guys! I just kicked a squirrel. Like, I was walking, and then I felt this, like, weight on my foot, and then I just saw this squirrel flying up in front of me.”

“I can’t remember anything more! My brain’s full! If I remember anything else, I’m going to forget something incredibly important!” Read More »

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]Four guys talking over Saturday breakfast:

One guy: “Man, I’m f—ing hungry. I’m gonna slam so much sausage into my mouth.”
Second guy: “Yeah, dude. You do that.”
After a pause:
First guy: “What did I say?”

“RuPaul, singing Little Drummer Boy, on a 45? Worst record ever.”

“I made them a nipple-straw.” Read More »

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

Excited, rushing conversation, behind a closed door:
“And then this guy… he just, like, whipped out a trombone! And then some other guy just pulled out a harmonica! And then… and then someone had to do his laundry!”

A girl, holding up a bottle of vodka: “It’s my dildo! The best kind - the kind that has alcohol in it.”

Two girls arguing at a party:
“I’m gonna punch your cock off!”
“I don’t have a cock!”
“I wish you did - so I could punch it off!”

A dude walks into an apartment, carrying a keg.
“Wait,” asks another guy. “Is that, like, for drinking?”
“Nah, I think I’m gonna bathe in it, first. Hey, is that pizza? Maybe I’ll rub that all over my body while I’m at it.”

A girl at the library, in the stacks, as loudly as possible: “Listen. So then I talked to my doctor, and then my gynecologist, and he put me on birth control - but he says I still need to use condoms when I’m f***ing my boyfriend, because I might get syphilis! I know, right?” Read More »

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the wierdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus.  Join the Overheard revolution!  Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

Two guys, in the dining hall, sitting over empty plates:
“What are we doing tonight?”
“Dan’s probably going on a beer run. I think there are a few parties up at the apartments. I wanna get crunk.”
“Definitely, man. Gonna rock it.”
After a moment:
“We’re playing Magic tonight, aren’t we?”
“Yeah. Probably.”

Two girls at a party:
“It’s not ‘yes’. I’m drinking. It can’t be yes if I’m drinking.”
“Can you just say ‘yes’ now?”
“But I won’t be be able to say ‘no’ later.”
“You wouldn’t say ‘no’ anyway, would you?”
“No. No, I probably wouldn’t.”
Nearby, the boy with his arm around one girl looks terribly uncomfortable.

One frat boy, from across the library: “Burrito?”
Many frat boys, holding burritos: “BURRITO!”

“So, like, bondage?”
“No, no. How about this. We pretend the bed is a rocket ship, and that we’re all astronauts. And we can only talk with our short-wave radios. And every time we talk dirty, we have to say ‘over and out’.” Read More »

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the wierdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus.  Join the Overheard revolution!  Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“Is that your phone?”
“Yeah.”
“You have a pink phone?”
“Mmhm.”
“Is it, like, your girlfriend’s phone?”"
“Nope.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup.”

Found in a dining hall, on a piece of paper shoved into a napkin dispenser:
“Students! Rise up! Class riot today, 3:00 in the courtyard. Refreshments will be served.”

Two in the morning - a pair of legs is poking out of a broken window. Two guys in striped hipster hoodies are standing nearby, craning their necks to look in.
“No, no,” say the legs. “This isn’t going to work. I’ll still be locked out, I’ll just be locked out inside.”

Ten or so sweaty people in t-shirts and tank tops are clustered around a cooler. One guy lifts the top off the cooler and dumps some colored powder in.
“What was that?” asks one, confused.
“Nothing,” says the dumper. “Just drink the Kool-aid.”

There’s a commotion outside, in the hallway. I poke my head out. A man is sprinting down the hallway with his sweater unzipped, a rhinestone necklace bouncing on his exposed chest hair, and his mouth wrapped tightly around a beer bottle. Read More »

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the wierdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus.  Join the Overheard revolution!  Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

Strange, silly and awkward things overheard on campus this week:

- A lanky blonde man leans against a doorway, talking to a short-haired brunette.
“She’s really… nice, you know?” He shakes his head. “I mean, I just wanted someone to care about.”
“But a freshman?” she asks, feigning surprise. “Really!”
“Yeah. It was like fishing with dynamite.”

- Two grizzled, swarthy males stand in the dining hall.
“Man, I can’t believe there aren’t any forks,” remarks one, his thick lower lip turned in a pout. He moves one finger toward his collar unconsciously.
His friend looks sadly at the empty racks. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t even know anyone who uses spoons.”

- Across the dining hall, a guy stands up and starts singing “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You” from Mulan . About three quarters of the table joins in within seconds. One other guy grabs his tray, gets up and stalks away. “I thought we were done with this,” he says, darkly.

- Down the hallway, a pink-faced man is tying a lumpy plastic bag to a door. As I pass by, he looks up and smiles conspiratorially.
“It’s ladybugs,” he says. Read More »