Here, take this quiz:

Independence Day should NOT mean independence from:
(a) your good sense
(b) your panties
(c) reality
(d) all of the above

Okay, obviously the answer is (a). And if you believe that, skip the rest of this article.

But seriously, Independence Day marks our freedom as an independent United States of America, and for some reason, this has morphed into a gigantular party day.

Which, look, is fine by me. I love partying.

However, may I suggest, for your own sake, that you stop a tequila shot short of blacking out? Here are the top reasons why:

(7) Missing the festivities
I mean, if you can’t remember it, how the flip can you enjoy it? That totally sucks! Especially when you find out you managed to do #6.

(6) Ruining your chances with a hottie
Yes, the odds for this increase dramatically if you are blacked out. During such a state sometime in my sophomore year of college, I allegedly once asked a potential hook-up if he was gay. Um, yeah. That didn’t work out in my favor. Read More »

Feast your eyes on the wonderful, delightful fashion invention entitled the Naughty Candy Bra:

The best part about this sweet addition to your wardrobe is that the nutrition information is listed as below:

This information is funny to me because, who’s actually worrying about caloric intake when they’re buying a bra made of Smarties? You know, I was going to buy this bra, but now that I see it has 9 grams of carbs, I’m going to look elsewhere for eatable underwear…

Old panties are a suitable replacement for a mom, right?

This past weekend at a celebrity memorabilia auction in Las Vegas, Larry Birkhead, opportunistic baby daddy extraordinaire, purchased some drawers once worn by the late hot mess Anna Nicole Smith in a Playboy spread.

Birkhead spent a reported $2800 on a pink bustier and white negligee with the intention of someday giving the items to he and Smith’s year-old daughter, Dannielynn. According to one report, Birkhead said he bought the items in the hope that they will someday help Dannielynn understand her mother’s life and that this was definitely NOT a stunt to ensure his F-List ass stays in the papers. For realzies, guys. Make sure you get my good side.

That poor, poor, poor, poor kid. First her mother and brother die, then she’s in the middle of the most sleazeball custody battle of the 21st century, now she’s gifted a piece of her mom’s history as a trashy soft-core porn star? If Dannielynn makes it to the age of fourteen without getting knocked up or becoming a crackhead, she deserves a Nobel Prize.

[Photo courtesy of OK! Magazine]

Until sorta recently, I was never one for matching my bra to my undies, let alone buy super sexy lingerie. I felt like it was all a waste of money; if someone was interested in taking me home and ripping my clothes off, they wouldn’t lose interest just because my bra was nude and my underwear was pink with black polka-dots, right?

After spotting a set of pretty lacy lingerie on sale, I decided to take it for a test run. That is when I realized what I had been missing all along; lingerie made me feel sexier and more confident. It wasn’t about showing it off, but rather about me knowing it was there. Letting someone else enjoy it was just a little bonus.

I started going a little lingerie-crazy. I bought all sorts of sets: lacy, silky, cami’s, bras, thongs, bikinis. I built myself quite a collection. Never mind the fact that I have had no one to share it with lately, I just kept buying. And, truth be told, I have grown a bit bored with all of it. I may have a lot – and it all may be pretty – but there is only so much variety out there right now and it all seems rather cliché, overdone and commercialized.

Not anymore. In an era where you can personalize everything from your latte to your footwear, it was only natural that someone brought that along to our most intimate of apparel. The dream-team over at evloveintimates.com has made your lingerie as personal as the occasion you are wearing it for.

You pick the color, the fabric and the cut (even the piping and a little extra appliqué!). They do all the work, and in three weeks your sexy new under-thingies arrive, just in time for you to work ‘em. Rar. Go get em, Tiger.

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• Ashley Dupré is vag-tastic!

• I’ll vote for the candidate that promises to shut these girls up fastest

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• Have you Rickrolled today?

Lindsay Lohan seems to be doing better than ever these days. She’s staying out of the clubs, shopping instead of snorting, and generally keeping a low profile. Much to the chagrin of paparazzo’s everywhere, all seems quiet on the Lohan front.

But that doesn’t mean the funny people over at Best Week Ever have forgotten about her.

My Lil’ Lohan, a new Facebook App developed by Best Week Ever and Plastic Past studios, allows users to either “pamper or sabotage” their own personal Lindsay Lohan.

“Each day you can choose to do something naughty or something nice to each Lil Lohan”, explain the directions on the application, “and if you can convince enough people to join you, you can stage an intervention or organize a bender for those Lil Lohans that really need it!”

If you know anyone else on Facebook with the Lil’ Lohan App, you can send and receive gifts that include sunglasses, suspicious white powder, cigarettes, and panties.

While the majority of people most likely hope Lindsay makes a full and active recovery (I say majority because I’m sure there’s a bunch who can’t wait to see her jump into a stranger’s car again with cocaine spilling out of her purse), once someone becomes a public figure, and makes a bunch of stupid decisions, the likelihood of the world forgetting about those dumb choices is pretty low. Read More »

In college, wearing a thong is virtually a necessity at some point in time. No one wants those hideous underwear lines associated with granny panties for a formal event or even just under leggings for a night out at the bars. But, are thongs doing more harm than good to your nether-regions?

I looked into this hot topic and found an article that discusses thong usage. The author chronicles how her doctor freaked out at the idea of her wearing a thong because of the many health risks.

“Recurrent vaginal infections are more common in thong wearers. The string part can inflame the skin, leading to thrush which is a yeast infection of the skin that thrives in warm, moist environments. Read More »

Sometimes the week goes by really f*cking slow.

Work, classes, friends, family…sometimes it gets a little too routine for my liking. So, I decided to make a change and really spice things up.

This week? I’m channeling Grandma. After 92 years, my grandma knows what’s up…I mean she better after almost a century, right?

Right.

So if you’re feeling like you’re in a bit of a slump, try out some of these suggestions or come up with your own takes on ways to make the week fly by!

Perfect Time-Waster: Crossword Puzzles

The internet is great and all, but this week I’m on a low-tech kick.

And for someone who majored in Journalism and minored in English, it would only make sense that I have been completely enamored with crossword puzzles.

It started out as a time-waster on the subway (thanks AM New York!) but has evolved into a true pleasure that I’m willing to spend a whopping $2.99 on. You know those puzzle books you see old ladies on the bus with? Yes, I’m totally into them.

Still addicted to the net? Check out some amazing crosswords here.

P.S. Try making it a couples thing…it worked for them. Read More »

How many times do I say the word in a day?

I couldn’t rightly tell you. It’s one of my favorite swears. One of my favorite terms of endearment. It looks so good italicized. Plus, it sounds pretty fantastic coming out of someone’s mouth.

Don’t get me wrong, bitch can be completely derogatory, especially when it’s said with malice, or spoken by a guy to describe a girl, but is there really anything better than walking into a room and greeting your girlfriends with a rousing yell of hey, bitches! ?

Darlene Mealy, a Brooklyn member of The New York City Council, thinks there is. What’s better than using it as a term of endearment? Eradicating it all together.

Explaining that the word carries with it “a paradigm of shame and indignity”, Ms. Mealy has introduced a measure against the word, a measure that has the support of 19 out of 51 members on the council.

Even while she declares bitch a “vile attack on our womanhood”, Mealy admits that if the measure passes, it will almost be impossible to enforce. Which of course begs the questions of why. Read More »

Hope it’s not laundry day!

No need to get your panties in a bunch, but in case you forgot to mark your calendars, today is the day we celebrate boyshorts, bikini cut, thong, silky, cotton, and polka-dot! It’s National Underwear Day.

Freshpair founder and creator of this glorious holiday, Michael Kleinmann, said,

“We created National Underwear Day because we are passionate about underwear, and we wanted to create a day where everyone could celebrate underwear the way we do each day. After all, no one just reaches into their underwear drawer in the dark and grabs the first thing they see. Most people match their underwear to their mood or to their outfit.”

I wonder if he knows some people don’t wear any at all!

However, if you’re lucky enough to be in the New York area at the moment, don’t be surprised if you spot hoards of male models walking around the streets in their skivvies, it’s all part of the day’s festivities. What a treat!

You’re skeptical. I can tell. You’re all like, “We’re celebrating a day dedicated to undergarments? WTF.” Read More »